RecklessEric

Hi all, hope you're all doing well.

In the last few months, I have drank on three occasions. Not benders or anything like that but sneaky drinks late at night.
I had been doing really well but cannot just keep putting this down to "bumps on the road".
The guilt afterwards is horrible but also predictable.
That's what makes it so stupid.
I've resolved to focus more on how I'm living and I reckon that will make a difference.
We're still pretty locked down here in Ireland and everybody I know is struggling at this stage.
I apologised to my daughter today for drinking and she said she isn't angry but that she was worried.
She absolutely should be angry, I think.
Long walks (within 5kms of home) and some calls with friends I think will help with the isolation.

courage2

Thank you for coming here, posting. I'm sure your daughter appreciated your honest apology.

You're right, I think -- not bumps in the world. You're drinking.

Among your friends, are there any recovered alcoholics you can call? That's often the best thing to do when you're feeling low in the wee hours and a drink seems like a good idea. I also recommend coming here and posting, or watching a sobriety support video, either one with a pint of ice cream in hand.

P.S. Why do you have alcohol in your home? My first thing, under lockdown, would be to make my home a safe place. No viruses, no addictive substances. I've often thought that if there were liquor in my apartment, I might not have been able to resist over the last many months.

RecklessEric

Thanks for the response, Courage.
There is often wine in my house, as my wife drinks.
Usually I don't even notice it but these times when I've drank, I would see the wine and the lightbulb would light up.
I will post here again more regularly.
I find after long periods without drink, I get complacent and never think about my problem.

ScottFromWI

To me therein lies your answer. For most, sobriety is not a one-time fix. It requires lifestyle change and vigilence. Certainly after you build up a solid plan and practice it, the time you spend each day on it will likely decrease. But personally I don't ever envision a day when I can just simply say that Im not an alcoholic/addict anymore. And I would agree with the idea that if you are drinking multiple times a month is pretty much just drinking, whether you call it bumps in the road or not, right?

Dee74

Some great advice here RecklessEric. Complacency has bought many people undone.
Scott’s idea of lifestyle change is the only way I made the switch.

D

RecklessEric

Thanks folks.

3 times in recent months. It's really stupid.
Did a couple of walks today.
I will be doing more.
Also, I spoke to a friend who had substance abuse issues.
She said she wears bracelets which remind her of her addiction.
As a personal way of reminding herself she must keep her guard up.

Briansy

You're a better man than I am for not turning those episodes into blow outs. But I think maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if they did and you had that really crushing feeling of shame and disappointment. That feeling is the only deterrent that has ever worked for me. But not sure I would prescribe it!

Nice one for posting on here, hope it's easier to resist the urge next time.

Dropsie

Reckless,

For me, stopping altogether is so much easier. Once the option is on the table, it lingers.

Taking the option totally off the table was the key to freedom for me.

Not one sip will ever pass these lips because I do not drink -- one of the many things I just don't do (don't kick my dog, don't hit my kids either).

It really is easier.

dwtbd

The ease in which resisting the urge is always the same , “nope “.

The lie is it isn’t .

tursiops999

I appreciate you posting this, RecklessEric. You helped remind me about complacency, which I fall into as well, with my thinking. I need to remember to keep clarity and a certain vigilance about those thoughts that arise from time to time - and give them a simple 'no' rather than let them linger in the edges of my thoughts. Thank you for your honesty.