Christmas and being around booze
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 983
Christmas and being around booze
So Christmas is fast approaching, im excited for Xmas day and we are in a bubble with my family so will be having dinner with them.
I'm just really not looking forward to being around everyone drinking and there will no doubt be plenty of that going on. I'm the only sober person in my family so it can be lonely when everyone gets going.
Does anyone have any tips on being in company with people drinking?
It's not so much that I want to join in, I just find it incredibly uncomfortable and on edge.
The last night out with drinkers I had I spent half the evening hiding in the toilet then bailed early. As much as covid has been the pits I have to say I have not missed being sociable in a drinking setting. I'm hoping everyone eats so much they don't have room for the alcohol ha.
I'm just really not looking forward to being around everyone drinking and there will no doubt be plenty of that going on. I'm the only sober person in my family so it can be lonely when everyone gets going.
Does anyone have any tips on being in company with people drinking?
It's not so much that I want to join in, I just find it incredibly uncomfortable and on edge.
The last night out with drinkers I had I spent half the evening hiding in the toilet then bailed early. As much as covid has been the pits I have to say I have not missed being sociable in a drinking setting. I'm hoping everyone eats so much they don't have room for the alcohol ha.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I just try to remember that I don't need alcohol in order to be happy and sociable, which are actually two things that alcohol only promised but never really delivered on. The truth for me was quite the opposite. Observing other people drinking, in a non-judgemental manner, helped me to remember my truth. It is not always easy, but in the end, it delivers gratitude every time!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 983
Yeah absolutely with you there on the the promise that alcohol makes you happy and sociable, The opposite was true for me too.
I definitely try to be non judgemental too, I just find it difficult because I feel people are more judgemental about me NOT drinking . Last time i was told maybe I 'need to have a drink and chill out' man that made me so mad I could have exploded on the spot.
I just want to make it through without any resentments & feel comfortable.
I definitely try to be non judgemental too, I just find it difficult because I feel people are more judgemental about me NOT drinking . Last time i was told maybe I 'need to have a drink and chill out' man that made me so mad I could have exploded on the spot.
I just want to make it through without any resentments & feel comfortable.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Last time i was told maybe I 'need to have a drink and chill out' man that made me so mad I could have exploded on the spot.
You may get resentments and you may be uncomfortable, but that will pass. The end result will be worth it and more satisfying though and you will be more experienced for the next time a similar situation comes your way. Practice makes things come easier and more naturally. I didn't hit the first free throw I tried in basketball, but I can do it with my eyes closed now
(sometimes).Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I definitely don't need to hear from folks telling me to chill
out or I need a drink. To be around folks that push my buttons
isn't healthy for my own peace of mind or sobriety.
I realize I can't take their inventories and have to accept
them as they are and accept that situation as is. That they
will drink and it's not my place to fix things.
I have to look at what is necessary for me to be polite,
and then have an honest reason for leaving early. For
me, it is not a healthy enviroment to be around alcohol
and i chose not to subject myself to others behaviors
when under the influence of a controlled substance.
It does make it arkward to have a civil conversation with
others under the influence and we are definitely not on the
same plane.
As we know and remember all to well what it was like
when we drank. We remember our behaviors. Things
we said to later regret.
Anyway, if necessary, make an appearance early and
exit with dignity and self assurance that you are taking
care of yourself in a healthy manner and what others say
or think has nothing to do with you.
It is them with the problem or feelings that I cant control
is what I remind myself. I just quietly give them back those
negative feelings and just say they belong to you and not
me.
And dont feel quilty over them.
If i want to be successful in my own recovery life, then there
will be some uncomfortable decisions i will have to make.
You are definitely never alone in recovery because
there are many who do live quiet respectful lives not
in the limelight. We chose to surround ourselves with
healthy folks sober and clean continuing to have a positive
purpose in life.
out or I need a drink. To be around folks that push my buttons
isn't healthy for my own peace of mind or sobriety.
I realize I can't take their inventories and have to accept
them as they are and accept that situation as is. That they
will drink and it's not my place to fix things.
I have to look at what is necessary for me to be polite,
and then have an honest reason for leaving early. For
me, it is not a healthy enviroment to be around alcohol
and i chose not to subject myself to others behaviors
when under the influence of a controlled substance.
It does make it arkward to have a civil conversation with
others under the influence and we are definitely not on the
same plane.
As we know and remember all to well what it was like
when we drank. We remember our behaviors. Things
we said to later regret.
Anyway, if necessary, make an appearance early and
exit with dignity and self assurance that you are taking
care of yourself in a healthy manner and what others say
or think has nothing to do with you.
It is them with the problem or feelings that I cant control
is what I remind myself. I just quietly give them back those
negative feelings and just say they belong to you and not
me.
And dont feel quilty over them.
If i want to be successful in my own recovery life, then there
will be some uncomfortable decisions i will have to make.
You are definitely never alone in recovery because
there are many who do live quiet respectful lives not
in the limelight. We chose to surround ourselves with
healthy folks sober and clean continuing to have a positive
purpose in life.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
This year should be easy.... you aren't supposed to gather.
here, we aren't allowed to have over anyone that doesn't reside in our household. So, just 2 of us....can't see friends or family until at least mid- January.
here, we aren't allowed to have over anyone that doesn't reside in our household. So, just 2 of us....can't see friends or family until at least mid- January.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi LPG
I’d try and remember that you have three years sober so this is not your first Christmas sober.
you can use the experience of previous years to help you this year.
I’d hope that they wouldn’t give you such a hard time this year but I do know what families are like.
I’ve ended up wearing my sobriety like a badge of honour at things like this. if somebody takes me to task for not drinking I just smile and pick up another soft drink and try to turn the conversation around to something else. It’s not hard to outmanoeuvre someone who’s three sheets to the wind.
You’ll be ok
There are a lot of ideas and tips here too:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
D
I’d try and remember that you have three years sober so this is not your first Christmas sober.
you can use the experience of previous years to help you this year.
I’d hope that they wouldn’t give you such a hard time this year but I do know what families are like.
I’ve ended up wearing my sobriety like a badge of honour at things like this. if somebody takes me to task for not drinking I just smile and pick up another soft drink and try to turn the conversation around to something else. It’s not hard to outmanoeuvre someone who’s three sheets to the wind.
You’ll be ok
There are a lot of ideas and tips here too:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 983
Haha yes nez it's an instant mood changer that one. And I was perfectly fine until that point. I think that was more a reflection on their drinking than mine but I was still pissed at the comment.
Aasharon yes and the great thing about not drinking is taking the car for a quick exit. I do sometimes feel alone in recovery, I come here and read but that is all really atm in terms of being around sober people. I hope after covid passes to return to a group sometime, I find it so hard sharing.
Anxious rock yes that will defo make things easier, I won't be surprised if the rules change here before the day arrives as covid seems to be on the rise again. Hope you have a great day.
Thank dee for the link I'll have a read through that, where do I find those kinds of links?
Aasharon yes and the great thing about not drinking is taking the car for a quick exit. I do sometimes feel alone in recovery, I come here and read but that is all really atm in terms of being around sober people. I hope after covid passes to return to a group sometime, I find it so hard sharing.
Anxious rock yes that will defo make things easier, I won't be surprised if the rules change here before the day arrives as covid seems to be on the rise again. Hope you have a great day.
Thank dee for the link I'll have a read through that, where do I find those kinds of links?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
I used to always drink in earlier years at the holidays. It had to do with stressful family dynamics, the religious aspects that I can't stand, and not really enjoying the holidays. The last decade wasn't bad, had a few good sober Christmas holidays with my mom and bro before she passed. The key is don't stay long and don't get sucked into the family drama.
Since then it's just been my girlfriend and her son, and there's never expectations or weird dynamics, so it's easy and I never drink around them anyway.. This year I'm actually stuck here by myself stateside due to Covid, but not a problem at all. Being a loner I do fine by myself (if not better) and have no desire to drink in the least.
Since then it's just been my girlfriend and her son, and there's never expectations or weird dynamics, so it's easy and I never drink around them anyway.. This year I'm actually stuck here by myself stateside due to Covid, but not a problem at all. Being a loner I do fine by myself (if not better) and have no desire to drink in the least.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
I am actually looking forward to being home with just my family for Christmas. Usually I am the only adult that isn’t drinking, which doesn’t bother me anymore, but several of my in laws make me crazy and as they drink they become louder, and I often want try to find a way to leave earlier in the evening than others. This year I’ll be at home with my husband and my kids, and that sounds perfect to me!
will get it down and have a read. Thank you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 983
So I got through today without any resentments, judgement or uncomfortable feelings. All my worry was a script I'd gave myself in my head out of old fears. I feel blessed and grateful for this Christmas day experience.
I have posted honestly about this matter before here but I feel even more amazed that I'm 4 days cannabis free today too. It wasn't in my plan to begin this before new year but I found inspiration on SR to start early. I hope I can keep this up & conquer this also. I have faith.
Thought I'd update since I got so many helpful replys on this. Thank you & merry Christmas
I have posted honestly about this matter before here but I feel even more amazed that I'm 4 days cannabis free today too. It wasn't in my plan to begin this before new year but I found inspiration on SR to start early. I hope I can keep this up & conquer this also. I have faith.
Thought I'd update since I got so many helpful replys on this. Thank you & merry Christmas
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