Need to get this out, I hope this is ok here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Need to get this out, I hope this is ok here
Hey fam,
I haven't posted in forever. I need to speak to my sponsor but I am really dreading this phone conversation.
I am now 2 years and almost 1 month sober. For the first time in my life probably. This is a big thing. for me.
However, pandemic has taken it's huge toll on me. So many ways. Not the ways I was expecting. But, a lot of isolating, not a lot of time for access to safe meetings. Not a lot of accessible support generally.
I have worked straight through covid and I am now working as support worker at a women's shelter. Things are stressful. I have two children at home. We are doing distance learning. So my mornings are taken up with school. The evenings are taken up with work. My almost 15 year old son has reduced himself to being zero help when I am out of the house. Can;t feed or watch his sister. Disappears to his room, does whatever he wants on devices meant for schooling. I have tried putting blocks on certain sites, only that interferes with his online learning.
But the kid has no self control, no direction, no motivation. It's come to a point that I do most of the cooking and cleaning and prep stuff for the week so he has very little to do outside of school work. Still I get nothing. I am so upset and frustrated. I broke down last night and was ready to kick him out. It was a very bad night. My younger daughter is struggling in school. She is not working at her grade level so I am getting very frustrated. She is also. We are taking steps to rectify that. It is painfully slow going.
My problem now is this. I am two years sober from drinking. However I find I am now abusing my sleeping pills. This is wholly ridiculous. I am beside myself with my situation at home. I had to take a week off work to deal with my home life, money I can't afford to lose.
But it has to all be addressed inclusing my recovery being back at square one.
I've picked up some literature to read and a step series to do. But man do I ever need all the help I can get. I was so through with it all I thought about dribving my car into many places I would never get out of. I have reached out to my sponsor and need to follow through with a phone call because this is getting deadly serious. I am dangerously close to relapse. This addiction transferrance is driving me batty. I cannot get a leg up on any of it. I need to get this out and start being accountable. I hate the way I feel everyday. It brinngs me back to very dark times.
Thank you for listening. Any thoughts are appreciated.
love
Del
I haven't posted in forever. I need to speak to my sponsor but I am really dreading this phone conversation.
I am now 2 years and almost 1 month sober. For the first time in my life probably. This is a big thing. for me.
However, pandemic has taken it's huge toll on me. So many ways. Not the ways I was expecting. But, a lot of isolating, not a lot of time for access to safe meetings. Not a lot of accessible support generally.
I have worked straight through covid and I am now working as support worker at a women's shelter. Things are stressful. I have two children at home. We are doing distance learning. So my mornings are taken up with school. The evenings are taken up with work. My almost 15 year old son has reduced himself to being zero help when I am out of the house. Can;t feed or watch his sister. Disappears to his room, does whatever he wants on devices meant for schooling. I have tried putting blocks on certain sites, only that interferes with his online learning.
But the kid has no self control, no direction, no motivation. It's come to a point that I do most of the cooking and cleaning and prep stuff for the week so he has very little to do outside of school work. Still I get nothing. I am so upset and frustrated. I broke down last night and was ready to kick him out. It was a very bad night. My younger daughter is struggling in school. She is not working at her grade level so I am getting very frustrated. She is also. We are taking steps to rectify that. It is painfully slow going.
My problem now is this. I am two years sober from drinking. However I find I am now abusing my sleeping pills. This is wholly ridiculous. I am beside myself with my situation at home. I had to take a week off work to deal with my home life, money I can't afford to lose.
But it has to all be addressed inclusing my recovery being back at square one.
I've picked up some literature to read and a step series to do. But man do I ever need all the help I can get. I was so through with it all I thought about dribving my car into many places I would never get out of. I have reached out to my sponsor and need to follow through with a phone call because this is getting deadly serious. I am dangerously close to relapse. This addiction transferrance is driving me batty. I cannot get a leg up on any of it. I need to get this out and start being accountable. I hate the way I feel everyday. It brinngs me back to very dark times.
Thank you for listening. Any thoughts are appreciated.
love
Del
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi Del
Congrats on your 2 years and a bit sober.
I'm not a parent so I'm loathe to offer any advice there but I'm sure others will.
I know a fair bit about feeling overwhelmed and feeling guilty I'm not good enough and trying to manage that with various substances tho.
That never ends well - I know you know that - and I'm glad you've decided to come back here. Stick around
Reach out to that sponsor too - can't save your face and your behind at the same time right?
D
Congrats on your 2 years and a bit sober.
I'm not a parent so I'm loathe to offer any advice there but I'm sure others will.
I know a fair bit about feeling overwhelmed and feeling guilty I'm not good enough and trying to manage that with various substances tho.
That never ends well - I know you know that - and I'm glad you've decided to come back here. Stick around
Reach out to that sponsor too - can't save your face and your behind at the same time right?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Deliza,
So nice to hear from you, but sorry about the reason.
I have similar issues at home, not as stressful but get it. Totally.
So, as a mom, I have a 16YO who also struggles with school and especially getting her stuff done. Makes me batty.
But, as an O/S, I wonder if asking a 15YO with his own issues to help with his sister may just be a bridge too far. I cannot even get my highly responsible 27YO to help her sister, so I get the frustration.
Sounds like you need his help -- would it be possible to talk with him and see what you might be able to work out? At least if he did his stuff, you would be able to figure out something for her.
On the sleeping pills, I know its not easy, but the best thing for me about not drinking is how well I sleep. I did take a bit of Xanax for while, but no longer.
The main thing, at least for me, would be not to drink, no matter what.
But you know that.
XX
So nice to hear from you, but sorry about the reason.
I have similar issues at home, not as stressful but get it. Totally.
So, as a mom, I have a 16YO who also struggles with school and especially getting her stuff done. Makes me batty.
But, as an O/S, I wonder if asking a 15YO with his own issues to help with his sister may just be a bridge too far. I cannot even get my highly responsible 27YO to help her sister, so I get the frustration.
Sounds like you need his help -- would it be possible to talk with him and see what you might be able to work out? At least if he did his stuff, you would be able to figure out something for her.
On the sleeping pills, I know its not easy, but the best thing for me about not drinking is how well I sleep. I did take a bit of Xanax for while, but no longer.
The main thing, at least for me, would be not to drink, no matter what.
But you know that.
XX
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
So glad that you posted! I'm sure someone will be along soon with much experience with situations like this. Very sorry that you have to. Best wishes and sending huge hugs!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Awww bless you. I really wish I could give you a hug. Please please try not to be too hard on yourself. 2 years of sobriety from alcohol is amazing! Well done. I was pretty mich addicted to sleeping pills as well. It isn't uncommon to transfer addiction. The good news is you are recognising it as a problem and want to do something about it. Please pocket your pride and fear and reach out to your sponsor. A sponsor is only another alcoholic/addict who is there to guide and support us. I am in AA too and it's so common. You have had a lot you have been trying to deal with. There are people who will support you. The brilliant amazing thing is you havent picked up a drink. That's awesome.
I am sorry, I have no experience with a teenager. I haven't reached that stage yet with my daughter eek! But I am sure by sharing your truth you will find someone either here or in AA that can identify and help.
Wishing you lots of love
♥️♥️♥️
I am sorry, I have no experience with a teenager. I haven't reached that stage yet with my daughter eek! But I am sure by sharing your truth you will find someone either here or in AA that can identify and help.
Wishing you lots of love
♥️♥️♥️
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
We struggled BIG TIME with the S.O. teenager. He was exactly like you described. Disappeared in his room and really didn't engage in anything other than video games and electronics for years. Talk about wanting to rip your hair out. School worked lapsed. All responsibilities were out the window. All the talking in the world did absolutely nothing to persuade this teenager to participate in life and get his act together. Our experience is not unique and neither is yours. You are not alone. I UNDERSTAND your frustration 100%.
Do I have any advice? No.
We tried everything imaginable. EVERYTHING aside from kicking him out of the house.
Sometimes I would call my husband and tell him that I was going to tell the teen to pack his bags and get to walking. We, of course, just persevered through.
The teen has now graduated from High School and finally got his license. YAY! Slow slow going but those things happened!! Your teen will not be a teen at some point in time. I know you are at your wits end. I UNDERSTAND! Keep breathing. Keep praying. Keep breathing. This is not permanent.
As for your sobriety from alcohol! SO SO proud of you. Yes, call your sponsor and talk with them. Get this sleeping pill issue off your chest and you will move forward from it. I know you will.
You are doing fabulous work even if you don't see it! Fabulous. Keep moving forward.
Do I have any advice? No.
We tried everything imaginable. EVERYTHING aside from kicking him out of the house.
Sometimes I would call my husband and tell him that I was going to tell the teen to pack his bags and get to walking. We, of course, just persevered through.
The teen has now graduated from High School and finally got his license. YAY! Slow slow going but those things happened!! Your teen will not be a teen at some point in time. I know you are at your wits end. I UNDERSTAND! Keep breathing. Keep praying. Keep breathing. This is not permanent.
As for your sobriety from alcohol! SO SO proud of you. Yes, call your sponsor and talk with them. Get this sleeping pill issue off your chest and you will move forward from it. I know you will.
You are doing fabulous work even if you don't see it! Fabulous. Keep moving forward.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 69
Best thing I can say is DON'T restart the clock! Times may be tough but nothing and I mean nothing will compare to the despair you will fear if you throw it all away. I did after 20 mos and thought I could control it. Boy was I wrong. That single night has kicked off a 6 mos binge (not continuous but 5 nights a week at least). I miss my sober life. Flush those pills , feel the pain and deal with it. Once you give in the slope becomes super slippery.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
