proudtobehere

I have spammed way too much here an I apologize. I have found in my past that I have to hit rock bottom before digging myself out and hoping to stay that way. Sad I know but it's my way. I decided to list the pros and cons of drinking tonight before I make a decision.

Pros: Great Buzz

Cons: Hate waking up
Feel like I'm always in a desert
Headache as I approach drinking time
Ashamed of my actions
Physical complications like bloody nose , stomach issues, and possible liver and kidney damage?

What I miss...

Relaxing nights
Great entertainment
Awesome meals
Dessert
Amazing sleep



Hmm what should I choose?


Seriously it's so obvious why do I s

Dee74

You're not spamming - posting for support is exactly why a site like SR exists

I drank many times knowing full well it was a bad idea.
Back then, feelings trumped logic.

It took me a little while, and a little sober time, to return to my 'right mind', and for those logical reasons to gain traction.

You can do this proudtobehere

D

least

I was told by our beloved CarolD that I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Not easy, but simple. It took me a while to get to that point and practicing gratitude every day helped me get there.

proudtobehere

Made the wrong decision tonight ...Was really on track then made it home after a tough day. Felt like crap and needed a nap. After my nap I quickly gave in I can't believe how much I gave up after 20 mos of sobriety when I was bored on Friday night and decided to take drink. Foolishly thought I could control it and yet here I am 7 mos later hating every day of my existence. The carrot is there as I know the bliss of normal living....just need to man up and take it.

Dee74

If it was easy to resist noone would need SR or places like it. The thing is tho - you have to actively resist to make change.
In the time it took you to wake up from the nap to acrually drinking, there were I assume some minutes.

Every one of those minutes is an opportunity to change the outcome - heck even if you decide to drink you can still change your mind....there's always time.

Each time you make a good healthy life affirming choice, it gets easier to make it again and again and again man

Zencat

Weighing the pro's with the con's, here' is the worksheet from SMART https://smartrecovery.org/wp-content...253.1607042964 is a good recovery action plan. Perhaps add continued support here at SR to your recovery actions

proudtobehere

I took the high road last night and each hour was like a million bucks of sleep. I woke today feeling refreshed and yet slowly declined as the day went in. Foolishly decided I could drink on the weekend and recharge weekdays. A few drinks knocks out the headache and feeling of trepidation. Will try tomorrow for an amazing Sunday.

Dee74

ok thats the short term...but what about the mid term effects - or the long term?

what about the physical and mental effects that get worse every year you keep drinking?
what about the effect on your relationships - home, family work...what about the crushing guilt and shame drinking leaves us with?

any career or legal consequences yet?

that decision to drink again should not be taken lightly by any of us man.

D

proudtobehere

Ok I'll answer. The crushing guilt is constant. I can't stop thinking about how I want to stop. My Doctor chided me for weight gain. Another result of my drinking. Thankfully my professional life hasn't suffered as I am high enough up the food chain I can make my own schedule. However my afternoons are spent thinking about my next drink. My family relationships are non existent thanks to covid. Just daily texts. I know I am damaging my health with each and every drink but I can't stop?

Dee74

I hope you can convince yourself to stop before some more of those yets come true.

Is the buzz that great to risk everything else?
or is there something more than the buzz that keeps you drinking?

D

proudtobehere

Loneliness keeps me drinking. On days off from work they feel like a week. I count the minutes until drink o'clock. I tell myself weeknights are different but I find myself drinking to fell good many nights as opposed to a quiet evening


No need to reply Dee as I don't deserve your help. I truly do appreciate that you have overlooked my constant failures and offered to help. I will take a break from here and try to get myself together. Hopefully I can come back with a success story.

Dee74

Everyone deserves help, whether it comes from me or someone else

I tried to quit for 15 years so I know how hard it is and I know how much you can beat yourself up over it, while continuing to drink...

SR is for folks who want to get their act together. That’s why we exist .
We’re not a backslappers club simply for those who have got their act together and are sober.

If you think loneliness makes you drink, there’s no point in cutting back on contact with others.

Waiting to post until you’re sober again? I get it, but it’s not a great use of this wonderful resource.

Stick around, get ideas, find support - beat this!

D

fini

hello proudtobehere,
this place is for peer support, so...er....not much point in waiting til we have it together before we participate, yes?
when you ”have it together”, you can gladly share the having-it-together with us all, and until you do, using the support to help you with the getting-it-together is exactly what this place is for.

Delilah1

The whole point of this thread is to get support, please keep coming. Ack and posting.

silentrun

That 20 months of sobriety is a great thing in that you got so see what you're really giving up when you drink. You know the way.