Daily check in for MIZZ . P
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Join Date: Sep 2015
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I agree Mizz, I have learned a lot from every tool I have taken the time to look into deeply.
Like AA. It is not my route, but wow those dudes were way ahead of their time right? And I am going to do the steps one day although I have never been to a meeting.
Smart and AVRT, which I think is all part of the same "school," is all so interesting and helpful. But for example, I don't try and divide myself from my AV, because I see my AV as a distorted coping mechanism. But that is me, others roll another way, all helpful, all good.
I also found the learnings from the Sobriety school and other similar therapies based on healing and mindfulness to be good tools. And the RAIN method was such an eye opener.
At the end of the day, it has all become part of the Dropsie Method, which is based on acceptance that I do not drink and I cannot drink if I am going to be the person I need and want to be. And to do everything required to support that decision. But at the end of the day, for me, it was taking the decision, past tense, that made the difference. The rest is to support that decision and improve my life, but the decision is taken, no matter what.
You got this girl, I feel it. Now if I could do the same for my procrastination...
Like AA. It is not my route, but wow those dudes were way ahead of their time right? And I am going to do the steps one day although I have never been to a meeting.
Smart and AVRT, which I think is all part of the same "school," is all so interesting and helpful. But for example, I don't try and divide myself from my AV, because I see my AV as a distorted coping mechanism. But that is me, others roll another way, all helpful, all good.
I also found the learnings from the Sobriety school and other similar therapies based on healing and mindfulness to be good tools. And the RAIN method was such an eye opener.
At the end of the day, it has all become part of the Dropsie Method, which is based on acceptance that I do not drink and I cannot drink if I am going to be the person I need and want to be. And to do everything required to support that decision. But at the end of the day, for me, it was taking the decision, past tense, that made the difference. The rest is to support that decision and improve my life, but the decision is taken, no matter what.
You got this girl, I feel it. Now if I could do the same for my procrastination...
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Originally Posted by Dropsie 
At the end of the day, it has all become part of the Dropsie Method, which is based on acceptance that I do not drink and I cannot drink if I am going to be the person I need and want to be. And to do everything required to support that decision. But at the end of the day, for me, it was taking the decision, past tense, that made the difference. The rest is to support that decision and improve my life, but the decision is taken, no matter what.
Anyhow - about you.
I'm certain you will find usefulness in every avenue you explore, as long as your mind is open to challenge, which I know it is. A purist approach works perfectly fine for some folks, and I think that's wonderful. Your curiosity and wish to explore indicates you're at the outset of building your own custom-made Mizz Program. Which is, in my mind, the perfect program for you. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
It's a mitzvah.
O
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Obladi
pp 66-67
Starting at the paragraph that begins, "If we were to live..." through the paragraph that ends "tolerant view of each and every one. "
This is probably the Single Most highlighted, underlined and note-written section in my Big Book.
Happy Sober Thanksgiving, Mizz
Starting at the paragraph that begins, "If we were to live..." through the paragraph that ends "tolerant view of each and every one. "
This is probably the Single Most highlighted, underlined and note-written section in my Big Book.
Happy Sober Thanksgiving, Mizz
The truth of the matter is that I came to the conclusion that this behavior is not one that I am going to change. Why would I want to change it anyways? It really has nothing to do with me, per say. This antiquated thought process existed long before I came into the picture and will exist long after I leave the picture. He has his own path and learning process. (I am being vague with intention) Just as I have my own path and learning process.
The one thing I can do is change the way I think and feel. Follow the suggestion which says "We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one"
This life work stuff is hard sometimes. Real hard. Pushing us into areas that we find to be unknown and uncomfortable.
I get to do this work though! For that I am lucky.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Well done, Mizz.
I can't pin-point the exact moment my healing began, but certainly one of the monumental milestones was when I was freed by the understanding that, for the most part, it's not about me.
It is hard,
But so worth it.
xO
I can't pin-point the exact moment my healing began, but certainly one of the monumental milestones was when I was freed by the understanding that, for the most part, it's not about me.
It is hard,
But so worth it.
xO
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Sunday Morning Report:
My head is a mess. It has been.
I'm moving into the part of the program where I write down resentments etc.
I have some resentments right now. Looking forward to learning how to do this work so I can release and move forward.
My new reaction is to become silent. Not the healthiest way to approach this but its better than reacting and saying something that I may have to apologize for later.
My head is a mess. It has been.
I'm moving into the part of the program where I write down resentments etc.
I have some resentments right now. Looking forward to learning how to do this work so I can release and move forward.
My new reaction is to become silent. Not the healthiest way to approach this but its better than reacting and saying something that I may have to apologize for later.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Mizz,
What do you mean your head is a mess, has been?
Are you saying this as an introduction to this step or just in general?
Step 4 has a bad reputation. It can be a doozy for sure, but it doesn't need to be that way. At least it wasn't for me - I did as laid out in the book. There's more to count than just resentments. You may want to find the Joe & Charlie talk about this on youtube; I found it to be tremendously helpful when I was stewing over whether I needed to re-do this step or not.
I'm happy to talk/write/PM more about this, but don't want to mess with your process by inserting myself. Aside from this: when you do inventory (which you must do where you work), you count what is in the store today. That stuff in the back room gathering dust does not need to be counted just for the sake of reopening old wounds. If you're really done with it, you can just toss it.
I've found silence to be a perfectly appropriate way to handle resentment, particularly as I learn to examine what I'm holding onto then to release it.
I'm glad you are looking forward to how this works.
That's the spirit!
O
What do you mean your head is a mess, has been?
Are you saying this as an introduction to this step or just in general?
Step 4 has a bad reputation. It can be a doozy for sure, but it doesn't need to be that way. At least it wasn't for me - I did as laid out in the book. There's more to count than just resentments. You may want to find the Joe & Charlie talk about this on youtube; I found it to be tremendously helpful when I was stewing over whether I needed to re-do this step or not.
I'm happy to talk/write/PM more about this, but don't want to mess with your process by inserting myself. Aside from this: when you do inventory (which you must do where you work), you count what is in the store today. That stuff in the back room gathering dust does not need to be counted just for the sake of reopening old wounds. If you're really done with it, you can just toss it.
I've found silence to be a perfectly appropriate way to handle resentment, particularly as I learn to examine what I'm holding onto then to release it.
I'm glad you are looking forward to how this works.
That's the spirit!
O
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
In general, O.
Im holding onto some stuff that is not helpful. I get to learn the inventory process today so I am grateful that we are moving into that work. A few things have taken place (over the last week) that have me on pause until I can learn/ figure out how to process differently. I'm really stuck in my head right now. I have moments where I think "Im okay. That happened and I can move forward. Ill pray for them and myself. Let it go, Mizz" ........ Then, I start swimming around in my thoughts and self and it is NOT helpful and I know I have not worked it out. My intentions are good. I just haven't worked it out, yet. Im a bit miserable upstairs.
The mental and emotional lack of sobriety has become REAL!
I meet with my sponsor in the next hour so......
Thank you, O. I just may PM you later. At this meeting about resentment right now! HAHA!
Im holding onto some stuff that is not helpful. I get to learn the inventory process today so I am grateful that we are moving into that work. A few things have taken place (over the last week) that have me on pause until I can learn/ figure out how to process differently. I'm really stuck in my head right now. I have moments where I think "Im okay. That happened and I can move forward. Ill pray for them and myself. Let it go, Mizz" ........ Then, I start swimming around in my thoughts and self and it is NOT helpful and I know I have not worked it out. My intentions are good. I just haven't worked it out, yet. Im a bit miserable upstairs.
The mental and emotional lack of sobriety has become REAL!
I meet with my sponsor in the next hour so......
Thank you, O. I just may PM you later. At this meeting about resentment right now! HAHA!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
When I really clean up the basement, I have to pull everything out.
It creates a huge mess.
But once it's sorted and I've carted things to the dump and put things on the curb for some lucky person to find and take home to put in their own basement and found something useful that I'd been missing for ages and I've put everything back together again?
Oh, I do love that feeling of walking into it.
Even better is being anywhere in the house just knowing that I dealt with the basement.
That feeling holds even while I know in the back of the mind that I'm going to need to do it again.
And again.
And again.
This sobriety stuff is hard work. Way harder than I thought, for sure.
But oh, I do love the feeling of walking in it. Now.
Hang tight, girlfriend.
You Can Do This.
It creates a huge mess.
But once it's sorted and I've carted things to the dump and put things on the curb for some lucky person to find and take home to put in their own basement and found something useful that I'd been missing for ages and I've put everything back together again?
Oh, I do love that feeling of walking into it.
Even better is being anywhere in the house just knowing that I dealt with the basement.
That feeling holds even while I know in the back of the mind that I'm going to need to do it again.
And again.
And again.
This sobriety stuff is hard work. Way harder than I thought, for sure.
But oh, I do love the feeling of walking in it. Now.
Hang tight, girlfriend.
You Can Do This.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
nice comparison, the basement clean-out.
thing is, you DONT have to do it again and again once you stop throwing stuff into those dark basement corners, storing stuff you don’t need, hanging on to broken stuff.
that basement need never be cluttered up again, long as you/we don’t start stuffing it full again.
thing is, you DONT have to do it again and again once you stop throwing stuff into those dark basement corners, storing stuff you don’t need, hanging on to broken stuff.
that basement need never be cluttered up again, long as you/we don’t start stuffing it full again.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
I am following with love, but have never done the steps so will refrain from opining except to say that it has helped me to realise that there are some things I will never fully understand and that is OK.
For example, why do I fear certain things? Sometimes I can figure it out, sometimes not. But I never have to act on it. Sometimes I am successful in that, sometimes not.
For me, it is the same with resentments. For example, my ex who still does his best to make my life miserable after 10 years (we have a 16 YO). Sometimes I can feel sad for him and how it must be to live like that, sometimes I lose it. I know I feel better when I can let it go with love. Sometimes I am successful in that, sometimes not.
Its a process. What I can say with certainty is that O gave me added incentive to clean my basement!
For example, why do I fear certain things? Sometimes I can figure it out, sometimes not. But I never have to act on it. Sometimes I am successful in that, sometimes not.
For me, it is the same with resentments. For example, my ex who still does his best to make my life miserable after 10 years (we have a 16 YO). Sometimes I can feel sad for him and how it must be to live like that, sometimes I lose it. I know I feel better when I can let it go with love. Sometimes I am successful in that, sometimes not.
Its a process. What I can say with certainty is that O gave me added incentive to clean my basement!
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Thank you to all that have showed up recently on the Mizz journey.
I was struggling big time yesterday. Not in the sense of drinking alcohol. I was struggling with my head and with a few situations that came up last week. I felt a lot of anger/ confusion and was not able to resolve it on my own. I found myself sick from it all. Too caught up in my own head to be able to be present and at peace. I have to set some boundaries with my professional life.
When talking with my sponsor I was finally able to cry. I had been holding onto feelings that needed to come out. Once I cried and explained the scenario I felt relief. I was then guided towards writing it all down in the inventory process. I am starting that now.
On a different note, when I searched for the book that I am using for my inventory process it just happened to be the book that I used when I went through the steps a decade ago.
All of this is foreign to me. I dont remember a decade ago. Im also not wanting to get back into my past right now. Retraumatizing myself is not on the program today. My sponsor has advised me to write people/ places/ things in chronological order but to start with the most recent resentments. That makes sense to me. Ill start there and work my way through.
Moving along and doing the work. Have a wonderful day, SR!
I was struggling big time yesterday. Not in the sense of drinking alcohol. I was struggling with my head and with a few situations that came up last week. I felt a lot of anger/ confusion and was not able to resolve it on my own. I found myself sick from it all. Too caught up in my own head to be able to be present and at peace. I have to set some boundaries with my professional life.
When talking with my sponsor I was finally able to cry. I had been holding onto feelings that needed to come out. Once I cried and explained the scenario I felt relief. I was then guided towards writing it all down in the inventory process. I am starting that now.
On a different note, when I searched for the book that I am using for my inventory process it just happened to be the book that I used when I went through the steps a decade ago.
All of this is foreign to me. I dont remember a decade ago. Im also not wanting to get back into my past right now. Retraumatizing myself is not on the program today. My sponsor has advised me to write people/ places/ things in chronological order but to start with the most recent resentments. That makes sense to me. Ill start there and work my way through.
Moving along and doing the work. Have a wonderful day, SR!
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Dropsie
I am following with love, but have never done the steps so will refrain from opining except to say that it has helped me to realise that there are some things I will never fully understand and that is OK.
For example, why do I fear certain things? Sometimes I can figure it out, sometimes not. But I never have to act on it. Sometimes I am successful in that, sometimes not.
For me, it is the same with resentments. For example, my ex who still does his best to make my life miserable after 10 years (we have a 16 YO). Sometimes I can feel sad for him and how it must be to live like that, sometimes I lose it. I know I feel better when I can let it go with love. Sometimes I am successful in that, sometimes not.
Its a process. What I can say with certainty is that O gave me added incentive to clean my basement!
For example, why do I fear certain things? Sometimes I can figure it out, sometimes not. But I never have to act on it. Sometimes I am successful in that, sometimes not.
For me, it is the same with resentments. For example, my ex who still does his best to make my life miserable after 10 years (we have a 16 YO). Sometimes I can feel sad for him and how it must be to live like that, sometimes I lose it. I know I feel better when I can let it go with love. Sometimes I am successful in that, sometimes not.
Its a process. What I can say with certainty is that O gave me added incentive to clean my basement!
I so do understand how you work in that respect.
Being human is strange. Real strange. All of us here with all of our crap trying to work it all out.
We are lucky in that we actually get to work on our stuff.
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Ive had a realization that put things into perspective just now:
I GET to work on this stuff. A lot of people are in a position to only survive and do not have what I have to sit down and be introspective and sort out these "inner issues".....
I am very fortunate in my life. First world problems truly!
I GET to work on this stuff. A lot of people are in a position to only survive and do not have what I have to sit down and be introspective and sort out these "inner issues".....
I am very fortunate in my life. First world problems truly!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
What a day you've had, already! I'm glad you realized that you have an amazing opportunity in front of you. It sure doesn't feel all that amazing sometimes, but you'll bear the fruit in fairly short order.
fini is right about not needing to do the thorough basement clean out more than once. And I didn't mention the stuff that's already in the dumpster or in the landfill. In my view, and in my reading of the book, the point is to inventory what you have on hand now, not to rehash your entire past like a life confessional. If you've truly let it go and put it down, you can leave it there.
I don't know what book you got, but do know that some people spend an inordinate amount of time writing out their stuff. I wouldn't recommend that. The point isn't all of the whys and wherefores and mitigating circumstances. The point is just to take a look at what you've got there inside the MIzz brain. In the book, you'll notice each item is itemized very briefly. Thorough and fearless doesn't need to mean "painful;" it's more "matter of fact." If it brings up tears, that's ok too. Have yourself a good cry - it's good for ya.
xo
O
fini is right about not needing to do the thorough basement clean out more than once. And I didn't mention the stuff that's already in the dumpster or in the landfill. In my view, and in my reading of the book, the point is to inventory what you have on hand now, not to rehash your entire past like a life confessional. If you've truly let it go and put it down, you can leave it there.
I don't know what book you got, but do know that some people spend an inordinate amount of time writing out their stuff. I wouldn't recommend that. The point isn't all of the whys and wherefores and mitigating circumstances. The point is just to take a look at what you've got there inside the MIzz brain. In the book, you'll notice each item is itemized very briefly. Thorough and fearless doesn't need to mean "painful;" it's more "matter of fact." If it brings up tears, that's ok too. Have yourself a good cry - it's good for ya.
xo
O
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by fini
nice comparison, the basement clean-out.
thing is, you DONT have to do it again and again once you stop throwing stuff into those dark basement corners, storing stuff you don’t need, hanging on to broken stuff.
that basement need never be cluttered up again, long as you/we don’t start stuffing it full again.
thing is, you DONT have to do it again and again once you stop throwing stuff into those dark basement corners, storing stuff you don’t need, hanging on to broken stuff.
that basement need never be cluttered up again, long as you/we don’t start stuffing it full again.
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Join Date: May 2012
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Well.....
Lets see. I have ran into the wall of exhaustion. No running. No working out. Nothing. I get home and go to bed and wake up to go to work. Work. Come home and go to bed. I am absolutely drained.
S.O. has a COVID test tonight. I have one set for this Sunday. In 5 minutes time the whole entire week was booked. We were going to go together as I have fear about the swab and something touching my brain. I know I am being dramatic here.....We all have our fears.
Ive been having symptoms of a cold and with this fatigue it seems appropriate to get tested. We also have multiple cases at our work and this virus is spreading like wildfire through our community. I work in a "social hub" for the community and people spend an inordinate amount of time gathering their items and going home. Some have said that it is their only outing for the day and so they really look forward to the daily experience. HA! Also, I thought this exhaustion would leave after the weekend of resting. Last week was very busy but I should have bounced back now. Perhaps its COVID fatigue?
I am sober physically, mentally and emotionally right now. YAY!
Started working on that inventory. I have not gotten very far but I am ever so slowly writing stuff down. Can this year just end now?
Lets see. I have ran into the wall of exhaustion. No running. No working out. Nothing. I get home and go to bed and wake up to go to work. Work. Come home and go to bed. I am absolutely drained.
S.O. has a COVID test tonight. I have one set for this Sunday. In 5 minutes time the whole entire week was booked. We were going to go together as I have fear about the swab and something touching my brain. I know I am being dramatic here.....We all have our fears.
Ive been having symptoms of a cold and with this fatigue it seems appropriate to get tested. We also have multiple cases at our work and this virus is spreading like wildfire through our community. I work in a "social hub" for the community and people spend an inordinate amount of time gathering their items and going home. Some have said that it is their only outing for the day and so they really look forward to the daily experience. HA! Also, I thought this exhaustion would leave after the weekend of resting. Last week was very busy but I should have bounced back now. Perhaps its COVID fatigue?
I am sober physically, mentally and emotionally right now. YAY!
Started working on that inventory. I have not gotten very far but I am ever so slowly writing stuff down. Can this year just end now?
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
A bit stressed at the home. S.O. is at the doctors getting a COVID test. All signs point to a positive. I hope not, but it really doesn't look good.
His appointment was canceled this week for whatever reason. We don't have the staffing or his symptoms were not serious enough? I don't know the answers. I have a test tomorrow.
Given that we live where we live......The community is responding poorly to the positive cases that have now hit our workplace. People are being quarantined weekly. Its not going to get better anytime soon. We expect it to get worse. The cases each day are higher and higher in our area. Of course they are higher. This is what happens.
So, I am making bone broth right now for chicken soup later. Cleaning my house. Making sure we are taken care of here at the house. I'm fatigued mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm really over this year in general. The S.O. is sick but its best not to go down some worm hole even though I have found myself digging around in that hole a lot the last few days.
I think I need a good cry.
Sober 58 days today. Drinking is not even a thought right now.
His appointment was canceled this week for whatever reason. We don't have the staffing or his symptoms were not serious enough? I don't know the answers. I have a test tomorrow.
Given that we live where we live......The community is responding poorly to the positive cases that have now hit our workplace. People are being quarantined weekly. Its not going to get better anytime soon. We expect it to get worse. The cases each day are higher and higher in our area. Of course they are higher. This is what happens.
So, I am making bone broth right now for chicken soup later. Cleaning my house. Making sure we are taken care of here at the house. I'm fatigued mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm really over this year in general. The S.O. is sick but its best not to go down some worm hole even though I have found myself digging around in that hole a lot the last few days.
I think I need a good cry.
Sober 58 days today. Drinking is not even a thought right now.
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