Notch8

Last night's sleep was slightly better than previous. Trying to eat clean, get out and walk, etc. My big play is to stay in front of the BPD2. That is number one. Provided I manage that, all lot usually falls in line behind it.

Wrote quite a bit today in my notebook. Certainly can tell some things are coming back, but heh, its only been three days. I did the math, I was sober ten weeks, fell off the wagon about 12, and here we are again. Hoping tonight goes better as I am operating on about two hours worth of sleep the past two days.

SoberLeigh

Bouncing between sobriety and active alcoholism must be exhausting, discouraging and frustrating, Notch.

What have you previously done to promote sober goals? What do you feel was helpful?

Have you tired AA, Rational Recovery, a counselor?

What do you think you can add to your recovery program to make sobriety and recovery a permanent part of your life?

Notch8

I've been at this for five years, almost to the week. I remember when I admitted I had a problem and needed to stop. By God's grace am I still here.

What burned me earlier this year was my bipolar. Couldn't see my therapist for obvious reasons, and the BPD was changing. Won't bore you with details, but relapsed about 12 weeks ago, had a day or two sober but couldn't hack it.

I am taking some new measures towards controlling BPD and even after a day or two, things are looking hopeful.

SoberLeigh

Our current ‘environment’ is having such an impact on so many.

Good to hear that things are looking better for you.

Hope you stay close to us for support, Notch.

Here for you.

SnazzyDresser

Apply what you've learned in previous days and make this your sober day masterpiece run. This is the one that counts, the one going on right now.

There's a great old reggae song by Jimmy Cliff that seems pertinent here. After the encouraging title comes the price, which is not giving up.

snitch

I don't have bipolar so I cannot comment on that but I am an alcoholic and my primary purpose is to stay sober.

Perhaps consider number 1 to stay in front of the alcohol? Afterall when we are drinking we have less chance of dealing with our other conditions.

🙏❤

SoberLeigh

See you tomorrow on Day 4, Notch.

neferkamichael

Notch8, Day 3 for the 101st time... be positive, that's almost a whole year, rootin for ya.

Notch8

Still here. Didn't time to post this morning.

Slept a bit better last night. Not near the terrors of the previous nights.

Obviously more focused today. Wrote some in my journal.

Trying to keep goals in front of me. Fear and anxiety behind me. Seems like I have a moment about mid-afternoon when I question whether sobriety is worth it... or even possible. That came and went.

Still here.

SoberLeigh

Good to see you, Notch.

Power on!

Stayingsassy

I think sometimes that telling ourselves we tried 101 times and failed just makes it seem like failure is inevitable, when it is not.

it doesn’t matter if it’s the first time you tried to quit, or the 2000th time. Now is the only time that matters.

if the problem is there, it’s there for life. Whether you get it right away or get it years later, getting it period, is the point. It’s like saving money. “I only saved a dollar because I just started saving so forget it.” Well, ANY moment that you start saving is important, not just the saving moment where you already have 10 grand. Saving in the present, regardless of the savings you have, is the point. You might be 25 years old and ditching parties to watch Netflix and eat takeout; you got a dui and humiliated yourself around your friends, on your first quit. Or you might be 85 years old and deciding not to be dependent on your adult children to monitor your life and call the fire department every day because you keep falling; on your 2,000th quit. The second person waited a long time to take action: but his quit still matters. His quit still gives him personal responsibility and takes a load off his kids. He may have tried 2000 times but that one quit at 85 years old, matters.

whether you have one hour, or five thousand hours, this alcohol quit you have decided on, MATTERS.

i have almost 3 years and you have three days. Deciding to take action to avoid drinking in the next hour of my life, matters just as much as YOU deciding to take action to avoid drinking in the next hour of your life. My drinking is like yours, and it will roar back just as quickly as yours will if I decide to drink. See? Three years, 3 days: still the same problem.

best healing wishes to you.

Notch8

I read a quote today that somewhat inspired me, yet can be discouraging, depending on how I look at it:

"The only easy day was yesterday." -US Navy SEALs

I'm making plans to keep myself busy with some projects. Some are some physical goals. Some are rebuilding some relationships with my older children, who are young adults now. Some are to simply get organized and de-clutter my life. That helps with both the BPD2 as well as the addiction.

nez

Yesterday is always full of information that can me process today as I go forward, which in turn, can make my today easier if I utilize it. Learning is a result of processing that which I encounter along my way.