otter

Two weeks ago I went down the beach with my family and fell off the wagon. I was stuck with in-laws and immediate family for 4 days and had a couple margaritas. I love my family but they are stressful.

I fell off the wagon.

Really don't count the days I've been sober because it seems to serve as a reward for deserving a drink for me when I build up so I go day by day but it was about 2 1/2 years of sobriety. I'm 15 days in again.

Typical AV voice kicked in and I crumbled like the booze hound I am when push comes to shove.

I'm an alcoholic. No ifs and or butts.

Thankfully nothing bad became of the situation. I didn't miss a beat this time as far as work or any other standard I'm expected to hold up to in life but what did happen is I watched non-alcoholics drink a glass of wine or margarita and said to myself 'I can do that". Next thing I know it's 2am and I'm through a bottle of tequila wanting more while everyone else is in bed getting ready for tomorrow.

I really have nothing to offer from this experience with the exception of the following:

1. I knew I would be stressed being around my family and I caved. I'm the youngest and my brothers and sisters influence me My family loves cocktails on vacation. What I should have done was visited for a night, done my obliged visit and left.
2. Alcoholism doesn't go away. You have one drink and you're right back where you started.
3. No one will stop you from drinking but you. As a matter of fact even your best friends in life may encourage drinking because they don't know what alcoholism really is when push comes to shove. I'll take the share of blame because I've never told them how bad alcohol is for me.

I'm in my 40s and should know this by now. I've been immersing myself in work, physical fitness, and learning new skills and managed to get over this speed bump this time without drinking myself out of a job or pissing off my friends and family.

It doesn't go away.

Don't try it if your an alcoholic.

We're in a unique group that other don't understand.

Thank you for listening and I was tempted to say "just one drink" before I posted this.

Not today!

Thank you for listening.

Hevyn

Otter - that was a great post - very helpful. What you described happened to me all the time (still up at 2am while others were in bed). An awful way to live.
You sound more determined than ever to hold on to your sobriety. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

otter

Thank You Heyvn,

I have grown stronger in battling being an alcoholic but it's still on my doorstep waiting fore me at every turn.

The worst part about that particular situation is how stressed I feel around my family. Being the youngest they always seem to want to give advice on career and life in general which stresses me out. It stresses me out because I know they mean well but they don't have the meta data to give any real advice outside of anything I can read on a bumper sticker.

"put your nose to grindstone"
"study hard"
"show up early and leave late"

Don't you think I know this? I'm 45!

My family just stresses the hell out of me and thank God nothing bad came out of this fallout.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and I'm back in the saddle again.

I love this place and know I don't post much but I don't have anything but tough love to offer as advice and there's other posters who are way more eloquent with their words.

I'm one of those people that read more than they speak.

Thank all you guys.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it back Otter.

I avoided my family until I knew I would stay sober no matter who I was with or what the situation was,

If you can;t avoid your family you definitely need a better plan.

Family stress is not good enough an excuse to drink - we're better than that

D

otter

Thank You Dee74!

Dropsie

Otter,

I would think of it as a very hard learning experience. You got up, dusted yourself off and came straight back. Good for you.

You got this.

LumenandNyx

Nice post!

Thank you!

otter

Thanks.

It's a bad relationship that needs to end but for some reason I still give in.

Dee74

Don't give in - make a change. Use the support here

D

Stayingsassy

It’s good that you’re back!! Congrats on wrangling that 15 days after succumbing to the demon.

your story was SO helpful to me, someone with almost 3 years so I am right around where you were.

that part about you continuing on until 2am with tequila when everyone else stopped at one drink at dinner, is why I don’t have the one drink. I want to sometimes. It’s beer I think about, just one beer. Of course. But I’d be down that rabbit hole so fast my head would spin, so I don’t.

thank you for describing your experience. I can almost feel myself there, that feeling after having 2 drinks.....and that thought in my head, “oh ****. I can’t stop. They all stopped at one and I have to keep going....”.

Don’t go back. You’re past two weeks now, you’re sober. Glad you were able to quit again.

Dropsie

Otter,

You "gave" in, past tense.

It can be a one off. It really can.

You got this.

Thinking of you.