SomehowIManage

I'm always reading or hearing about stories that drinking ruined people's personal relationships because of who they became. "I became a different person" "I didn't like who I was" etc. etc. I can't relate to that and it kind of bother me because I wish it was that easy to look back on that part of my life and dismiss it as destructive. My temper never flared while drinking; it never destroyed my relationship with anyone, I never lost a job over it. I was a happy drunk; if anything I would just get more emotional in a sob at dopey romantic comedies kind of way. Is there anybody else that can relate; What do you tell yourself to not go back to drinking without the immediate red flag of being an angry drunk?

Dropsie

I was also never angry. Happy until I feel asleep.

Still ruined my life.

Could have killed myself or my children. Or tons of other people.

That is enough.

doggonecarl

So only an angry drunk has a reason to stay sober.

I guess you forgot your first post:

You could only relax or relieve stress by drinking. It was the only thing you looked forward to. You lied to your wife about the extent of your drinking. You related your anxiety and depression to drinking.

No, happy drunks need to be sober too.

LumenandNyx

Then why join SR?

RecklessDrunk

I'm a very friendly drunk but could have a dark side. I could turn into a vicious person if pushed.

I use to have to rely on it to communicate with people. I'm not just shy like a normal person I have Asperger's or i guess high functioning Autism they call it now.

I would stay sober most of the week. Take care of business and follow a strict schedule, diet, exercise, work. Then i would drink and turn into my twin brother. My twin could handle the social stuff. My twin is a care free drunk but he's built OK and he had a career going thanks to me. I'm a nerd who lives in a bubble. All around people and so desperately wants to be a normal part of it but has trouble breaking through . Especially with long time friends either out of state or deceased. I'm almost always single but thanks to my twin can find some pretty decent women from time to time.

My twin got worse and worse. More and more frequently he was becoming a junkie. He ended up getting me in serious trouble. Even the most of the nights we escaped actual harm my life and freedom were constantly in jeopardy.

Now i understand that my twin isn't the same anymore. Every day I have to kill him before he comes to life. He can no longer help me. Later in life all he did was make problems. Even on good days he would leave me with worse and worse hangovers. Depression and anxiety that would be stronger and linger longer. It wasn't trending better it was always and will always trend worse.

I have my anxiety under control. I understand myself better and start to see why I feel the way I do when I feel the way I do. Any temporary anxiety or depression i feel now can be so brief. It will go away so much quicker then a hangover. It doesn't linger on for days the way it use to after drinking. I'm getting too old i just don't want anymore time wasted on that garbage. For a time it wasn't all bad. It has shaped my life but its over now. Other then the obsession to drink more of it, the way my body reacts to it has changed and for the worse. It will never be the same.

fini

“it became my one and only way to find any kind of happiness; it was literally the only thing I could look forward to.”

pretty sad, no?
i can see why you might see that as a good reason to go back to drinking. when what it says to me is that here is a person who has not really “lived”, who is not present, who has a lot left to find out and learn and see and experience about and in reality
the moments of sober reality that bring happiness are so much richer and fuller than the altered-state-sloppy-drunk-sobby ones, has been my experience.
and i know there is no convincing anyone else of that.
it’s just that i wanted “real”, wanted it very badly.

Dee74

I wasn't an angry drunk - at least not at others althougth I was very very hard on myself - but I still lost a lot of things I loved - relationships, a career, self respect, my optimism....my soul.

You don't have to be angry or change personalities to lose things through your drinking.

D

shortstop81

Most of the time I wasn't an angry drunk. Sometimes I was though, and it was pretty darn destructive.

But I was angry at myself almost ALL THE TIME. I treated myself in ways that I would never treat others. I was hell bent on self destruction, despite having everything to live for. Over a year of sobriety later, and I still struggle with it.

OP, I'm sure you already know all the reasons why you'd rather be sober, and they are just as important as anyone else's reasons, even if you don't share some of the experiences. Everyone's situation is unique - the one thing that truly binds us is our desire to live a sober life.

SomehowIManage

Thanks. I'm in no way fishing for a reason to drink again. I know everyone has a different and unique reason why they are choosing to stay sober, I just find my situation harder to relate to others.

Dee74

I think you might be mentally rewriting parts of your history. Not revisiting your past threads to embarrass you but because there's a lot of difference between your perception above and this:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...need-help.html (New Here. First Time. Need Help.)

You may have never been angry but I can guarantee you this kind of thing does put a great strain on relationships - both personal and professional - whether you realise it or not.

D

ciowa

SomehowImanage, congrats on your sobriety. I feel like Im missing something here so Im asking this question in sincerity- If drinking turned you into a happier more loving person, then why was your wife upset with your drinking? Im asking that because if there was something that made me happier and more loving, for example like working out, my gf wouldn't be upset about it. So, Im wondering why your wife would react so that you had to sneak around and drink more than she knew.

StartAnew68

I was never angry when drunk - just a mess. Yes, I'd be laughing and jokey - but totally incapable of being of any use to anyone. That'd be until I'd drunk to the extent that I would withdraw into myself - still not angry though

sugarbear1

Try working the 12 steps of AA, you'll figure out what your patterns of behavior are (and it doesn't have to include anger).