Back again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 19
Back again
I never should have let this happen, now I just feel like I need to tell someone and I know you guys will listen.
I got sober in early 2018 after 20 years of drinking. I was never a really bad drunk. I wasn't violent or anything. It probably would have been easier to work up the nerve to quit if there had been more negative consequences. Alcohol ruled my life as much as any other addict though. If I didn't have my 6-9 beers a day, I had anxiety about it. So, I got clean , learned how to make a good cup of herbal tea, and was doing well.
In December 2018 my only brother died rather suddenly. He was also my best friend. I've worked through the grief reasonably well, but it never goes away. There still isn't a day that I don't think about him.
I kept it under control for the most part, but I think my family even pushed a few drinks on me. I let them.
In June 2019 I drove down to Corpus Christi and the Padre island national seashore with some family to release my brother's ashes. I just gave up during that trip and drank what I wanted. When I came home, I didn't put a stop to it. I just slid back into my old comfortable routine.
I always knew I'd have to get my **** back together. I quit smoking again in December (yeah, I had let that slide too). Now, it's been about a week since my last drink. Things are going good other than a few sleepless nights. That was one of the worst problems last time too. I got 10 lightweight sleeping pills to help with the transition. I don't want to get too reliant on those either.
Well, that's about my story. I'll try to check in here daily, though I don't post much. Thanks for listening.
Scared Texan
(I'm not as scared this time around. Maybe I'll change the name.)
I got sober in early 2018 after 20 years of drinking. I was never a really bad drunk. I wasn't violent or anything. It probably would have been easier to work up the nerve to quit if there had been more negative consequences. Alcohol ruled my life as much as any other addict though. If I didn't have my 6-9 beers a day, I had anxiety about it. So, I got clean , learned how to make a good cup of herbal tea, and was doing well.
In December 2018 my only brother died rather suddenly. He was also my best friend. I've worked through the grief reasonably well, but it never goes away. There still isn't a day that I don't think about him.
I kept it under control for the most part, but I think my family even pushed a few drinks on me. I let them.
In June 2019 I drove down to Corpus Christi and the Padre island national seashore with some family to release my brother's ashes. I just gave up during that trip and drank what I wanted. When I came home, I didn't put a stop to it. I just slid back into my old comfortable routine.
I always knew I'd have to get my **** back together. I quit smoking again in December (yeah, I had let that slide too). Now, it's been about a week since my last drink. Things are going good other than a few sleepless nights. That was one of the worst problems last time too. I got 10 lightweight sleeping pills to help with the transition. I don't want to get too reliant on those either.
Well, that's about my story. I'll try to check in here daily, though I don't post much. Thanks for listening.
Scared Texan
(I'm not as scared this time around. Maybe I'll change the name.)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 19
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Frank Herbert, Dune
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Frank Herbert, Dune
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back ScaredT. Checking in her daily sounds like a great idea to me, maybe adding some routine to your recovery might help in making it a higher priority. You are smart to be wary of the sleeping pill too....they can indeed become addictivein their own right.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Grief is so, so, so hard. I’m still dealing with it now, dad died last January. Losing family you are so close to and suddenly takes so much time to heal. I’m so sorry.
I’ve put drinking away, but there were many, many times this year I wished I was simply still a drinker. I considered taking it back up many times. But I don’t remember anything about drinking that was helpful. It was the thing I did but it didn’t help. So realizing I had nothing to go back to was harder in a way.
Welcome back and post often.
I’ve put drinking away, but there were many, many times this year I wished I was simply still a drinker. I considered taking it back up many times. But I don’t remember anything about drinking that was helpful. It was the thing I did but it didn’t help. So realizing I had nothing to go back to was harder in a way.
Welcome back and post often.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,388
As one Texan to another, lemme say it's good to have you here. SR and the people here are the best. SR is always here when you need it, such a valuable resource to help us stay sober. Literally a Godsend in my opinion!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 19
Thank you everyone. This journey is not easy, but you all know that. I can deal with the cravings. I can learn to sleep again. What’s really bugging me right now is the tension.
I always had the release at the end of a stressful day by opening the first beer. I’m trying to work my way past that. I’ve increased my exercise and trying to fit in some quiet time at the end of the day.
I always had the release at the end of a stressful day by opening the first beer. I’m trying to work my way past that. I’ve increased my exercise and trying to fit in some quiet time at the end of the day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 19
10 days. I'm still here. Wrapping up another day without drinking. I'm staying strong. Sleep is still hit or miss. I'm out of real sleeping pills and I'm not going back for more. It's just melatonin and valerian root for now.
I've been hungry for everything the past few days. I know I make better food choices sober, so I'll let it go for now. I need to lose weight but one major life change at a time.
Thank you all for your support.
I've been hungry for everything the past few days. I know I make better food choices sober, so I'll let it go for now. I need to lose weight but one major life change at a time.
Thank you all for your support.
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