Stayingsassy

A father’s engagement is sometimes underrated in modern society. It fills my heart to see a big strong dad stand up for his beloved daughter. There is an ancestral rightness here that makes the world feel safe to me when dads raise their voice and stand up to protect their families, this is what you were born to do, it’s what you evolved to do. I feel exactly the same when I watch my husband rear up, fire his pistons, raise his voice and love his family. It’s an incredibly beautiful thing.

I know you’ll find a way to express this primal part of yourself in a healthy way because you are a sober and wise man.

And trust me on THIS, your daughter will imprint this love for a lifetime. It’s going to serve her well.

Be you and do this thing. You know how.

August252015

That gives a whole lot of context BD. As I said above (or inferred, whatever) - going to admin is what [should] work best. I am truly glad you aren't going to the parents- you actually scare me a little with the talk of what a monster you could be to these kids and their fams. I take the social media, not to mention IRL, attack plans very seriously in any direction. I'm glad you feel you should at least not go there now.

It would be so nice if kids got in trouble for stuff like "talking back" as we call it in the South here...which I def got sent to the principal's office for in 3rd grade. [*just throwing in a tiny bit of levity to what I recognize as very important and serious*]

And without intending to spur a whole other branch of talk about kid and teen suicide - it is so tragically real in our community. My husband has dealt with it extensively- and starting at the Principal level when, in a nutshell, his entire platform for essentially 2 school yrs became more focused on trauma aftermath, suicide awareness, mental health care for kids and so on [instead of more academic etc student needs and a plan] because of the spate of student, adult and teacher deaths and attempts. My heart breaks about your friend.

Take care.

August252015

Sass - that sounds great. I don't think it's feasible or even "appropriate" (maybe not the right word) bc kids brains aren't developed like adults and that kind of stuff. And sadly, I haven't found harassment consistently dealt with immediately and appropriately in a number of my own and plenty of others' workplaces.

BullDog777

I feel like you missed my point and that might have caused a bit of an over reaction by you. Those are your words, not mine.

I'm in a unique situation where I do not need to do anything illegal or underhanded to show my daughter that I can remove the problem and allow her to live in peace. No other inference should have been drawn.

Atlast9999

August252015

yes, those are my words paraphrasing you. Your use of the word MONSTER spurred my reaction or whatever you want to call it, and I completely got your point. You also said you have all the info on the fams etc, including social media and I expressed thoughts based on "data" I have seen for 3 yrs now and heard about happening for at least past 10 as my husband shares. You also said you don't have to do anything - NOW.

Pls don't restate quotes (anyone) bc Jesus H on a Piece of Toast that is obnoxious - and not something we do IRL because we don't communicate in writing. Hopefully. Not all the time like here.

I keep expressing a diff perspective in HOPES THAT SOMEONE PAYS ATTENTION BC THIS SH&T IS SERIOUS FOR ALL.

BTW. Recidivism rates in incarceration often start when a 13, 14, 15 whatever yr old kid is pegged a BULLY. And lives that. That's just one way this can go.

Bullying behavior
Attacking
FEELING UNSAFE - that is what every person involved should want to address and remedy, effectively FOR ALL

And- good luck BD - best to your daughter - all parents here - and peace out.

BullDog777

here again...you missed my point. you're trying to draw conclusions based on your perception of paraphrasing my posts. So let's try this again....

why did you not pay any attention to the numerous times I said this:

I did say monster. As it could be perceived 100 different ways. I know the athletic director. I could have them suspended from all sports. I know their grades suck...I can get them taken off of any extracurricular activities. I could sue the parents. I could write the entire thing as it happened and post it on social media.

See what I'm saying here? That's pretty monstrous. Not everything is as black and white as you want to make it.

You don't have to agree with me. I posted this for me...not to gain approval from anyone. That being said...instead of assuming the worse...just ask me what my intentions were. I CLEARLY outlined them for everyone by the above quotes.

Mods...please don't delete this. I'm not trying to be confrontational, I'm only trying to defend my point.

August, if you still find fault with this, then feel free not to keep posting on it. thanks.

Dee74

There's no need to close the thread but as a general observation, I think a little stepping back, cooling down and deep breathing is called for.

If none of that works try the ignore function maybe?

D

BullDog777

On my way to my buddies' shop this morning, I escalated things. When I went to drop off my daughter, her eyes filled with tears and she said she was afraid to go to school.
This wasn't moving fast enough.
I told her I'd handle this today,

I dropped her off.

I called her counselor and told her if I didn't have this resolved by the end of the day, my daughter wasn't coming back. There would be no further discussion in the matter so they better get their s#!t together and handle this before I did.

I got a call an hour later. I went back and sat down with the counselor, my daughter, the onsite police officer and the principle. I told them what I expected to happen. I told them anything less was unacceptable. Apparently, both kids had extensive misconduct sheets already this year.

I left, and they took the kids out of class. There was an incident report filled out by the police officer on site and the principle assured me they no longer posed an issue for my daughter. I'm not sure if parents were involved...I don't care. I don't care if these dicks were expelled.

I told my daughter that I was proud her for being brave enough to tell me what was happening so I could get her the help she needed.

This was all I ever wanted.

A cautionary word to the wise. These " Zero Tolerance" policies are a joke unless the parents force their hand in a manner that makes them do their job to protect the victims. So stay involved with your kids as much as humanly possible.

I'm tired. I didn't sleep good last night because I was seething about this. I'm glad this ended the way I had hoped.

MyLittleHorsie

Good job Bulldog, you did what you needed to do for your daughter. We don't need to shout, but sometimes we need to be louder than the din. Policies are just nice words to appease if they are not enforced. Unfortunately it is not black and white for educators either, but we can work together for our kids.

suki44883

I, for one, think you handled it well. I understand how the father in you wanted to rip their little heads off, but the way you actually went about it, and then followed up with them, was the right way to go.

I truly hope, as I am sure both you and your do, too, this is the end if the matter.

Stayingsassy

It’s good to read that your school handled it as well as my daughters school did.

It’s so important to teach kids that they matter.

Sleep well tonight, bulldog.

BullDog777

I appreciate all the support, people. It means a lot.

NYCDoglvr

In my 29th year I still hate the phrase "life on life's terms"! Of course I want things to go my way but frequently that doesn't happen. Yea, what AA's big book says about "acceptance being the answer" to all my problems is true, it just takes work to get there sometimes. It helps to pray for the ability to accept, even though I'm an agnostic.

abgator

I'm a bit late to this party, but I have to say there's no right or wrong way to handle this. Each situation varies based on the personality of the child, the same as how punishments vary per child.

I have had to talk to the Principal at my daughter's school before over a bully. I don't judge other parents based on this type of thing. Me, personally, I think we're making kids soft. No one stands up for themselves anymore. Our children are largely taught to not fight back, but go run and tell someone or hide. I'm not ashamed one bit to say that I have told my daughter if anyone bullies her, fight back. If a boy hits her, kick him between the legs or punch him in the nose. I flat out told the Principal that I told her this because I don't trust the school to do the right thing (they didn't). I don't care if my kid also gets in trouble as the only thing that truly matters is that she'll never get in trouble at home for defending herself.

Unfortunately my kid is very sensitive and timid and she won't fight back. Maybe as she gets older she'll grow out of it.

Obviously our culture in which we were raised has a lot to do with how we handle these things as parents. I was raised in a very Southern/Country atmosphere. Take no sh*t from anyone and always fight back.

Here's the reality: No one comes to your rescue in the work place as an adult. Those bullies still exist. If you grow up thinking you can run and tell the boss or just leave every time someone wrongs you as an adult, you're in for a very rough life and a rude awakening. Best to learn as a kid that life isn't fair and there's a lot of crappy people in the world, so stand up for yourself.

abgator

As with most polices at schools and the same with many of adult life, they're feel good nonsense to make people think they have some kind of control. Makes them feel warm and fuzzy. It's all BS.

AAPJ

BD - Very sorry you are going through this with your daughter. I know from your older posts that you live near me - relatively. I'm on the other side of the river. Thoughts for everyone's consideration.

In many parts of the United States political issues surrounding the right to education limits the options of the school administrators. Yes - bullies have rights too. In fact there are academics in the US that now reject a zero tolerance policy for bullying because it has a disparate impact on certain racial/ethnic groups. So don't blame the administrators. They are often between a rock and a hard place in this kind of situation. In your case you did the best you could and hopefully it will resolve itself quickly. Fortunately the bullies had other infractions on their records so it probably allowed the school administration to take action.

While it is easy for all of us to pile hate on the bullies and certainly the victim deserves most of our sympathy I do wonder what kind of home environment the bullies live in. I would bet that there is a positive correlation between alcoholic parenting and bully children.

Stayingsassy

I have reported teachers for bullying more than students.

In both instances I simply reported the facts.

One instance: my middle daughters algebra teacher said to her in front of the whole class, “I don’t have time for your personality problems.” In response to her looking for her homework. Reported to principal, received apology from teacher, rudeness was not repeated.

Second instance: we were let into a classroom 10 minutes before a teacher was done with her prior conference. The teacher was giving a scathing report to two parents about a different student with us in the room. Very humiliating for the parents. Reported for lack of confidentiality.

Same teacher: gave us a very dismissive and negative report for our own daughter, reported to principal the lack of concern and healthy feedback and how these things are being communicated to our daughter.

My tax dollars: my teachers. I have the right to speak up.