constant self doubt
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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constant self doubt
how do others deal with self doubt? For example saturday i spent the day with my kids i had a great day i did what i wanted to do. But i cant stop thining maybe i shoulda done this maybe is houlda done that . i'm always thinking theres more i could be doing here i could be doing better i'm not doing good enough etc...
I recall in early sobriety having this same issue pretty bad. Back then i just focused on the things i could do well and it helped build some confidence. These days I'm struggling to even find time to do those things even.
So i'm like geeze do i push aside some of this other crap i gotta do a bit more and focus on the other stuff more so i can feel better?
I do feel i need to focus more on self care. My life has just been so unmanageable and stressful lots of things are slipping for me and i'm just terrified its gonna slip more.
like i thought this morning if i can get sober and my life can gt better seemingly and then through no action of my own my life can derail and go over a cliff regardless of the good choices i made then whats the point. Like is life really just left up to chance? if so maybe i should just go back to the bottle again then whats the point in staying sober then.
I know this is crap thinking which is why i'm posting.
I recall in early sobriety having this same issue pretty bad. Back then i just focused on the things i could do well and it helped build some confidence. These days I'm struggling to even find time to do those things even.
So i'm like geeze do i push aside some of this other crap i gotta do a bit more and focus on the other stuff more so i can feel better?
I do feel i need to focus more on self care. My life has just been so unmanageable and stressful lots of things are slipping for me and i'm just terrified its gonna slip more.
like i thought this morning if i can get sober and my life can gt better seemingly and then through no action of my own my life can derail and go over a cliff regardless of the good choices i made then whats the point. Like is life really just left up to chance? if so maybe i should just go back to the bottle again then whats the point in staying sober then.
I know this is crap thinking which is why i'm posting.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by zjw 
how do others deal with self doubt? For example saturday i spent the day with my kids i had a great day i did what i wanted to do. But i cant stop thining maybe i shoulda done this maybe is houlda done that . i'm always thinking theres more i could be doing here i could be doing better i'm not doing good enough etc...
I recall in early sobriety having this same issue pretty bad. Back then i just focused on the things i could do well and it helped build some confidence. These days I'm struggling to even find time to do those things even.
So i'm like geeze do i push aside some of this other crap i gotta do a bit more and focus on the other stuff more so i can feel better?
I do feel i need to focus more on self care. My life has just been so unmanageable and stressful lots of things are slipping for me and i'm just terrified its gonna slip more.
like i thought this morning if i can get sober and my life can gt better seemingly and then through no action of my own my life can derail and go over a cliff regardless of the good choices i made then whats the point. Like is life really just left up to chance? if so maybe i should just go back to the bottle again then whats the point in staying sober then.
I know this is crap thinking which is why i'm posting.
I recall in early sobriety having this same issue pretty bad. Back then i just focused on the things i could do well and it helped build some confidence. These days I'm struggling to even find time to do those things even.
So i'm like geeze do i push aside some of this other crap i gotta do a bit more and focus on the other stuff more so i can feel better?
I do feel i need to focus more on self care. My life has just been so unmanageable and stressful lots of things are slipping for me and i'm just terrified its gonna slip more.
like i thought this morning if i can get sober and my life can gt better seemingly and then through no action of my own my life can derail and go over a cliff regardless of the good choices i made then whats the point. Like is life really just left up to chance? if so maybe i should just go back to the bottle again then whats the point in staying sober then.
I know this is crap thinking which is why i'm posting.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
i've been sober over 8 years. I did read one time that if your in a situation like mine say and you decide to drink it basicly obliterates all hope of brighter days etc.. thats kinda stood out in my head. I also realize if i toss in the towell and drink i'm in for some really horrific times and who knows if i'll ever navigate my way back out of that.
But this constant self doubt is my issue. I perpetually rethink my choices and think can id o more etc.. there are days i'll work sun up to sun down late into the evening and wanna go to bed but think no theres more i can do. Then i have to wrestle my brain to let it go so i can maybe sleep which is also a struggle. Only to wake back up and htink oh i shoulda done more.
its this constant beating myself up. I guess i'm failing pretty bad right now in some areas of my life and i'm struggling so hard to fix things but i'm just falling incredibly short of the requirements. and while i feel its ok to not be good at everything try explaining this to others. and honestly aside from the voice in my head and maybe one other everyone is fairly supportive of my efforts and realizes i'm just in a tough spot. But I'm my own worst critic it seems.
But this constant self doubt is my issue. I perpetually rethink my choices and think can id o more etc.. there are days i'll work sun up to sun down late into the evening and wanna go to bed but think no theres more i can do. Then i have to wrestle my brain to let it go so i can maybe sleep which is also a struggle. Only to wake back up and htink oh i shoulda done more.
its this constant beating myself up. I guess i'm failing pretty bad right now in some areas of my life and i'm struggling so hard to fix things but i'm just falling incredibly short of the requirements. and while i feel its ok to not be good at everything try explaining this to others. and honestly aside from the voice in my head and maybe one other everyone is fairly supportive of my efforts and realizes i'm just in a tough spot. But I'm my own worst critic it seems.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Give yourself more credit!
You’re a dad, you’ve gotten sober, you seem like a kind and thoughtful person.
I think that’s all you truly need to accomplish in life: to be a good person that others know they can count on, and a good family man.
Give yourself a pat on the back.
You’re a dad, you’ve gotten sober, you seem like a kind and thoughtful person.
I think that’s all you truly need to accomplish in life: to be a good person that others know they can count on, and a good family man.
Give yourself a pat on the back.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I agree stayingsassy. Its just in my head and in one others. of course its also obvious that stuffs bad since i cant pay my bills and might loose my house etc.. despite my woes I try to make spending tiem with the kids a big priority through all of this etc..
I do feel i have to trade my happiness for money. course i dont have the money being offered so i guess i wouldnt be able to trade it but if it where offered in the form of a decent job I feel I'd loose the rest of the stuff i've worked hard for etc..
but yes aside from finances things are going good and i'm really grateful for that. but the struggle to earn money is wearing me out and wearing me down.
I do feel i have to trade my happiness for money. course i dont have the money being offered so i guess i wouldnt be able to trade it but if it where offered in the form of a decent job I feel I'd loose the rest of the stuff i've worked hard for etc..
but yes aside from finances things are going good and i'm really grateful for that. but the struggle to earn money is wearing me out and wearing me down.
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 598
Yes I understand exactly what you say. Sobriety unfortunately is not the answer and solution to all life’s problems. It is just the solution to alcoholism. We still have to struggle on with the bills and daily challenges. I do not really have an answer for you. Keep going is all I can think of.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by zjw
I agree stayingsassy. Its just in my head and in one others. of course its also obvious that stuffs bad since i cant pay my bills and might loose my house etc.. despite my woes I try to make spending tiem with the kids a big priority through all of this etc..
I do feel i have to trade my happiness for money. course i dont have the money being offered so i guess i wouldnt be able to trade it but if it where offered in the form of a decent job I feel I'd loose the rest of the stuff i've worked hard for etc..
but yes aside from finances things are going good and i'm really grateful for that. but the struggle to earn money is wearing me out and wearing me down.
I do feel i have to trade my happiness for money. course i dont have the money being offered so i guess i wouldnt be able to trade it but if it where offered in the form of a decent job I feel I'd loose the rest of the stuff i've worked hard for etc..
but yes aside from finances things are going good and i'm really grateful for that. but the struggle to earn money is wearing me out and wearing me down.
Pastafarian
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
This is a problem I think many people have, regardless of their status as ever having had a drinking problem or not.
I know when my kids were growing up I was always trying to make the most of that time, for them but also for myself. There were great times of success in this endeavor but also always the shadow thoughts about what I could not afford to buy them or what I did not have time to do with them.
Now that they are teenagers and pretty much don't want to do anything with me, I now have time to think about the things I wished I had done with them. Things I fully intended to do with them but never did and now it is too late. Lots of regret. I wish they would have grown up slower. I wish I could have more children.
That being said, I am so glad I did have them. I am so grateful for all the things that we did get to do together. There is far more joy in my memories than the shadow thoughts I mentioned here. The level of my gratitude for having had children to raise is so great it almost obliterates the shadow thoughts but they are still there. You are not unusual to have them.
I know when my kids were growing up I was always trying to make the most of that time, for them but also for myself. There were great times of success in this endeavor but also always the shadow thoughts about what I could not afford to buy them or what I did not have time to do with them.
Now that they are teenagers and pretty much don't want to do anything with me, I now have time to think about the things I wished I had done with them. Things I fully intended to do with them but never did and now it is too late. Lots of regret. I wish they would have grown up slower. I wish I could have more children.
That being said, I am so glad I did have them. I am so grateful for all the things that we did get to do together. There is far more joy in my memories than the shadow thoughts I mentioned here. The level of my gratitude for having had children to raise is so great it almost obliterates the shadow thoughts but they are still there. You are not unusual to have them.
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
Originally Posted by zjw
self doubt?
just focused
focus
focus more
just focused
focus
focus more
Play some solitaire
Meditate
Close my eyes and just breathe
Dig in the garden
Go for a walk
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Thanks guys thanks need2know it’s nice to hear stuff like that from people further down the road then me I wanna do the right thing.
On a side not my stepbrother came over tonight incredibly drunk and all I could think was omfg I was like that all the time. I’m like geeze I. Glad I’m not drunk even tho I can tell he is happy as a clam right now but I know how the tape plays etc.
I had a good run today took some 5htp for depression and I’ve felt a lot better since and nothing’s changed I just feel a lot better.
On a side not my stepbrother came over tonight incredibly drunk and all I could think was omfg I was like that all the time. I’m like geeze I. Glad I’m not drunk even tho I can tell he is happy as a clam right now but I know how the tape plays etc.
I had a good run today took some 5htp for depression and I’ve felt a lot better since and nothing’s changed I just feel a lot better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
I feel like I am in the same boat. And whenever someone tells me to enjoy these years because the kids grow so fast, I start to panic and feel even more guilty. But people always tell me that if I'm worried, I'm probably doing all I can. Like you, I absolutely know that drinking will only hurt me and those around me. So I give the kids some extra hugs, maybe watch them a bit while they sleep, and thank my higher power I am sober in this moment to be here with them. I'm sorry you are struggling.
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,041
zjw,
If I could, I would put my hands on your shoulders, look you in the eye and tell you to breath. Doubt is a truly negative emotion, one that gets its foot in the door of our recovery and life and tries to run amuck. If feeds off itself and festers and grows until we can't seem to get a grip on it. Those of us in recovery feel it even more strongly, it can even become a fear if we let it.
Hug, you are doing great! You have an awesome amount of clean time, you are trying your best to be a good person and a good parent. Even Normies experience what you are going through, As long as you actively work on recovery, and try to be the best person you can be , you are way ahead of the game. Those negative emotions only rob you of today. When I go through those times, I MAKE myself focus on what I have to be grateful for, I find there is usually more that I remember each time.
Give yourself a break, you are only one person and you can only do what one person can do! The way I see it, you are pretty amazing, ask your children, I am sure they think the same!
Cathy
If I could, I would put my hands on your shoulders, look you in the eye and tell you to breath. Doubt is a truly negative emotion, one that gets its foot in the door of our recovery and life and tries to run amuck. If feeds off itself and festers and grows until we can't seem to get a grip on it. Those of us in recovery feel it even more strongly, it can even become a fear if we let it.
Hug, you are doing great! You have an awesome amount of clean time, you are trying your best to be a good person and a good parent. Even Normies experience what you are going through, As long as you actively work on recovery, and try to be the best person you can be , you are way ahead of the game. Those negative emotions only rob you of today. When I go through those times, I MAKE myself focus on what I have to be grateful for, I find there is usually more that I remember each time.
Give yourself a break, you are only one person and you can only do what one person can do! The way I see it, you are pretty amazing, ask your children, I am sure they think the same!
Cathy
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