Social binge drinker, not sure what to do
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Join Date: May 2019
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Social binge drinker, not sure what to do
I’m new to the forum but not new to knowing that alcohol affects me differently than it does all other seemingly “normal” people in my life. Most of the time recently I’ve been very aware of my limits and how I’m feeling but every now and then in a party situation I pass my limit and am blacked out before I realize it’s coming and almost without fail I continue to drink in that state. I definitely black out easier than others, sometimes after just a few drinks, and I’ve found that cutting out hard liquor and drinking water keep the risk away. If I stop being vigilant though, I’m a high risk and I had an incident on a trip with friends this week that was the worst in a while. We were all drinking beer and mixed drinks and dancing at a club and it was great until then someone offered us shots and I started passing them around and blacked out almost immediately, but likely drank more after that.
My friends had to to help me get back to our hotel and my legs got cut up from stumbling in the street. I was a nice drunk so my friends just teased me but honestly I’m sure they’re concerned since they all kept their wits about them. Even with helpful and understanding friends I still get the most negative feelings and deep regret for days after feeling like I lost control. It also embarrasses me so much that it doesn’t happen to others who I know. It seems obvious that I should probably just give it up but to be honest my friends and my boyfriend’s family are all social drinkers and most of my work and hobby related events are held at bars and it does make me sad to think I could never be part of that again. I’m still in my 20s so it seems crazy that I could have already gotten to a place where I have to make that choice. Worth noting also that I definitely drink for the social effect, because since moving to a new city I’ve noticed that I often don’t feel like myself and am overly reserved and self critical but then when I go out and drink I stop judging myself so harshly and feel like my old, freer self. I know this is a lot of info but hoping people can relate to some or all of it and share their thoughts/advice.
My friends had to to help me get back to our hotel and my legs got cut up from stumbling in the street. I was a nice drunk so my friends just teased me but honestly I’m sure they’re concerned since they all kept their wits about them. Even with helpful and understanding friends I still get the most negative feelings and deep regret for days after feeling like I lost control. It also embarrasses me so much that it doesn’t happen to others who I know. It seems obvious that I should probably just give it up but to be honest my friends and my boyfriend’s family are all social drinkers and most of my work and hobby related events are held at bars and it does make me sad to think I could never be part of that again. I’m still in my 20s so it seems crazy that I could have already gotten to a place where I have to make that choice. Worth noting also that I definitely drink for the social effect, because since moving to a new city I’ve noticed that I often don’t feel like myself and am overly reserved and self critical but then when I go out and drink I stop judging myself so harshly and feel like my old, freer self. I know this is a lot of info but hoping people can relate to some or all of it and share their thoughts/advice.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 363
It's not crazy that you're in your 20s and experiencing this. People react different to alcohol and age is not a factor for determining if alcohol is a problem in your life. The fact you're coming to the realization of alcohol's negative effects is good. Problem is, it might only get worse if you don't stop. But, not everyone has a problem with alcohol. That is something you need to evaluate for yourself. You don't need alcohol for social aspects in life, yes it may seem to help at first, but in time it likely will not. That is from personal experience, not meant to be factual to you.
I relate to a lot of what you posted. If you are debating this to be a problem, then perhaps give it a rest for awhile. Stop drinking and see where that takes you. Binge drinking is not healthy. Having 1 maybe 2 drinks every so often is defined as normal drinking...not blacking out.
I relate to a lot of what you posted. If you are debating this to be a problem, then perhaps give it a rest for awhile. Stop drinking and see where that takes you. Binge drinking is not healthy. Having 1 maybe 2 drinks every so often is defined as normal drinking...not blacking out.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you are here! What you describe sounds familiar to me, too, especially as my drinking progressed. Many misadventures that turned into regular blackouts, to name a couple things- these are DEFINITELY problematic. Looking back, I see the beginnings of serious addiction by my mid- to late 20s. I didn't stop til I was 39 - and I do know people who quit much before I did, so it is never too "early."
Learning more about alcoholism would be my suggestion- it's not about binge drinking, whether you drink once a month, or never blackout or....it's about an inability to stop when we start, or not obsess, all the way to where I got including phsyical need 24/7. Alcoholism is a progressive disease so the things you are experiencing will NOT lessen if you keep drinking. You are also doing significant harm to your body- the liver is indeed resilient, but not forever.
Lots of support here and like others will say, I (finally) started AA and it's saved my life. Easy thing to do right away- find a local meeting.
On a simple level? Sounds like drinking is causing plenty of problems in your life. Whatever you do or don't think you are or want to be - once drinking starts to do that, only good comes of stopping.
Learning more about alcoholism would be my suggestion- it's not about binge drinking, whether you drink once a month, or never blackout or....it's about an inability to stop when we start, or not obsess, all the way to where I got including phsyical need 24/7. Alcoholism is a progressive disease so the things you are experiencing will NOT lessen if you keep drinking. You are also doing significant harm to your body- the liver is indeed resilient, but not forever.
Lots of support here and like others will say, I (finally) started AA and it's saved my life. Easy thing to do right away- find a local meeting.
On a simple level? Sounds like drinking is causing plenty of problems in your life. Whatever you do or don't think you are or want to be - once drinking starts to do that, only good comes of stopping.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Ralph, and as others have mentioned it doesn't really matter how old you are, what you drink, or how often you do it - if alcohol becomes a problem quitting is the best solution. And yes, it might sound crazy, but addiction really doesn't make much senses. There is no definitive test one can take to "prove" that you are an alcoholic or not, you have to make the decision for yourself. You don't even need to use the term alcoholic or addict if you don't want to - but I do believe that you have to accept that total and complete abstinence is the only solution. AKA - there's no way you can go back to "normal" drinking once you've crossed the line into problem drinking. You can still drink if you want to of course, but you have to also accept that the consequences will not be good, and that they are your responsibility even if you didn't intend for them to happen. Picking up the first drink buys you the whole package whether you want it to or not.
Your post makes a pretty convincing argument to me, you list a lot of negatives that drinking is causing in your life. And yes, it does seem like "everyone drinks" and that if you don't you might get left out on things, but that's yet another addictive trait. We seek events that involve drinking - and likely you will have to avoid some of them in the future ( not all ), but once you do you'll realize that the "drinking world" is a very small part of the real world.
Your post makes a pretty convincing argument to me, you list a lot of negatives that drinking is causing in your life. And yes, it does seem like "everyone drinks" and that if you don't you might get left out on things, but that's yet another addictive trait. We seek events that involve drinking - and likely you will have to avoid some of them in the future ( not all ), but once you do you'll realize that the "drinking world" is a very small part of the real world.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Ralphr 
[left] I definitely drink for the social effect,
How social is that?
Hope you consider quitting. For good. For your own good.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
It's not something I ever imagined for myself either but I'm 28 and had to make that decision a couple years ago (well 20 months). I won't lie and say it's been a walk in the park, there is an adjustment period and you might feel out of place for a while.. your friendships and priorities will change but you'll be weeding out the things that aren't adding real value or substance to your life. And in time you'll be able to fully engage in whatever kind of social life you want to have.
For me looking back there was a clear turning point between being a functional young person "just having fun" to it becoming a full on disaster. The problem was that just like a blackout I didn't see it coming, I was drinking to cope with even the minor stresses of life so when something big happened I didn't stand a chance.
I tried everything including switching from liquor to beer only and moving to a major party city in an attempt to blend in. My blackouts only became progressively more frequent and more severe. I don't mean to sound fatalistic, the choice is yours but if you decide to quit you'll find a ton of support here.
For me looking back there was a clear turning point between being a functional young person "just having fun" to it becoming a full on disaster. The problem was that just like a blackout I didn't see it coming, I was drinking to cope with even the minor stresses of life so when something big happened I didn't stand a chance.
I tried everything including switching from liquor to beer only and moving to a major party city in an attempt to blend in. My blackouts only became progressively more frequent and more severe. I don't mean to sound fatalistic, the choice is yours but if you decide to quit you'll find a ton of support here.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Cosima uses a really important word, if I use a different version: FATAL. Because, the reality is that is exactly what alcoholism is, if we don't quit drinking.
This is a welcoming and supportive place, meant to be positive and encouraging for newcomers in particular. It's also a place where honesty about what WILL happen to alcoholics who keep drinking, in some form or fashion, is also appropriate.
You have a lot of years ahead of you (I hope!) and they can be very different depending on what you decide to do about drinking.
This is a welcoming and supportive place, meant to be positive and encouraging for newcomers in particular. It's also a place where honesty about what WILL happen to alcoholics who keep drinking, in some form or fashion, is also appropriate.
You have a lot of years ahead of you (I hope!) and they can be very different depending on what you decide to do about drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
I think August said about all you should need to hear. Please stick around here . Read and post as needed. Open 24/7. Best wishes for you on your journey if you decide to join us. We are all the same only different!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
my friends and my boyfriend’s family are all social drinkers and most of my work and hobby related events are held at bars and it does make me sad to think I could never be part of that again.
I have never regretted not drinking. "Boy I can't believe I missed that opportunity to drink"
I have regretted drinking. "Damn, I did it again."
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Ralph, it is a blessing you are in your 20's. Trust me. I reached the end of my drinking and almost my life by age 22. Through AA I was able to recover and have had a very full life as the result, almost like I never drank. Contrast that to the guy who arrives in alcoholic hell at age 50. He can still recover and have a good life for sure, but I bet he will wish he did it 28 years ago.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 104
Hi Ralph
Good for you in addressing this problem and posting here. I struggled with alocohol until I gave up my mid 30s, I would have saved myself a decade of escalating grief if I faced up to this earlier. Sporadic binge drinking is very often the early stage of a problem that gets progressively worse.
Conscious that’s all a bit negative. The one thing I did want to add is that I can see why you think stopping drinking would somehow be limiting or sad. I thought the same in my 20s. Many of us found that not to be the case, it was liberating and while for a time folks avoid bars etc you get to a point where you are confident In sobriety and it just isn’t an issue. I now go things where people drink, the fact I have something else in my glass isn’t a thing for me or others..
To be fair I’m now older and do more sedate things. But our daughter is in her 20s and also doesn’t drink at all - just never really took it up. She is by no means socially limited, through uni and since seems fully to be part of things. From what I can tell some of her friends drink a lot, some not so much, maybe others don’t e.g. from different cultural backgrounds. I think if you asked her friends/acquaintances to describe her, not drinking alcohol wouldn’t feature one way or another.
So of course your call, but if you choose to give alcohol a miss you may find, once you’ve got the hang of it after a few months, it’s actually not at all limiting and generally positive. If anything, being relative young you may well adapt quicker.
All the best to you whatever you do
Good for you in addressing this problem and posting here. I struggled with alocohol until I gave up my mid 30s, I would have saved myself a decade of escalating grief if I faced up to this earlier. Sporadic binge drinking is very often the early stage of a problem that gets progressively worse.
Conscious that’s all a bit negative. The one thing I did want to add is that I can see why you think stopping drinking would somehow be limiting or sad. I thought the same in my 20s. Many of us found that not to be the case, it was liberating and while for a time folks avoid bars etc you get to a point where you are confident In sobriety and it just isn’t an issue. I now go things where people drink, the fact I have something else in my glass isn’t a thing for me or others..
To be fair I’m now older and do more sedate things. But our daughter is in her 20s and also doesn’t drink at all - just never really took it up. She is by no means socially limited, through uni and since seems fully to be part of things. From what I can tell some of her friends drink a lot, some not so much, maybe others don’t e.g. from different cultural backgrounds. I think if you asked her friends/acquaintances to describe her, not drinking alcohol wouldn’t feature one way or another.
So of course your call, but if you choose to give alcohol a miss you may find, once you’ve got the hang of it after a few months, it’s actually not at all limiting and generally positive. If anything, being relative young you may well adapt quicker.
All the best to you whatever you do
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