ANTHONYS

I am an alcoholic. I'm depressed, angry, sad, and afraid that i won't be able to stop. I don't want to ruin my life. I have been to treatment and relapsed after. I have damaged everything in my life. I want to stop for good. I feel defeated and angry all the time. I've failed at staying sober.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Anthony

I was all those things too and had a growing fear I'd never be able to stop - but this community helped me stop, and helped me turn my life around,

There's a lot of good ideas here. Read around and see what others are doing - it's a good way to find a way to works for you.

What kinds of things have you tried in the past apart from rehab (I assume that's what 'treatment' means?)

D

August252015

Glad you are here. I'd suggest following Dee's ideas.

PhoenixJ

I felt like that

support- daily support for me is mandatory- here, meetings, GP, psychologist all up

keep posting

ScottFromWI

Welcome Anthony. Stopping the actual act of drinking is the first step of course - sounds obvious I know but it's what you need to do. All of the other things you list ( depression, anger, sadness, etc ) are a direct result of you choosing to drink, so getting rid of the booze is the best choice to make for now. Getting support and making changes to your life to live it without alcohol is the next step - and that's the hardest one IMHO. SR is a great place to find that support and I hope you can stick around, you can learn about how people here have done it and continue to do it.

Gottalife

Hi Anthony, welcome to the site. I too was a total failure at staying sober. I could stop for a day or two, sometimes even a bit longer, but it was as inevitable as night follows day that a drink would appear in my hand and I would drink it, often without any thought at all of the consequences. I lacked the required power.

I found a source of power through AA. I was very surprised to find after a short while following the program, that I was easily able to not drink. I just never thought of it. That was nearly 40 years ago.

sammymaguire

When you say you are depressed do you mean clinically depressed or just fed up because clinical depression is very serious .

August252015

Hi Anthony- just piping in again to see how you are- today? I'd add to the great comments above that you haven't failed at staying sober if you are still here, and have another chance. You just haven't done it- yet- and if you don't drink TODAY you can start at leading a sober life.

I really echo that the only way to unearth the truth about diagnosed conditions like Depression or Anxiety- or the feelings of such that aren't actual mental health conditions but are very real in many of our lives- is to get the substance out of there. That was my baseline and once sober, things I was contributing to and exacerbating by my alcohol abuse disappeared, changed, or were diagnosed and now being treated.

Whatever you have tried in the past, committing to DOING it now, whether the same program (many people "try" AA then return to actually "do" the program, for example) or new one(s) - willingness is the key.

Best to you for the right choices for a sober and content, clear and free, life.

NYCDoglvr

You can start by not drinking today. It's as simple as that. Just don't drink today. Come here tomorrow and post again.

LiveLikeGold6

Are you still around?

Your title says you don't know where to start. I posted my personal program on another thread figured I'd share it with you. Feel free to post and ask as much and whatever you feel!

My program:

AA meetings: minimum of 2 per day on days I am not working.
Program calls: I make it a point to linger at meetings, thank people for their shares, see if theyre open to calls or texts, exchange numbers and CALL 3 people a day.
Sharing: I try to share at least at every other meeting I go to. I'm new and speaking a small bit of my experience helps me and helps people know I need them in my life
Youtube: I listen to sobriety recovery videos and AA convention speakers
Podcasts: High Sobriety and others
Steps: I work with my sponsor on the steps and she is preparing me to work with others when the time comes
Reading: I'm reading a positive thinking book and the big book
Exercise: 30-45 minutes of cardio every other day for stress relief
Food: 50% healthy 50% comfort (roughly, for now)
SR: Daily, focusing mostly on other people's posts
Socially: I have no friends which I am grateful for because I don't have to explain that I don't drink. With my family and dates I say I am simply a non drinker now, more details if we are close. AA has provided me with many social connections but the main purpose is to help each other stay sober.
Spirituality: I try to pray/meditate for a few minutes each day. I did it on a beach today