I'm frustrated with life
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
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I'm frustrated with life
I'm 28 years old and still live at home with my mom. Ever since I was 13 I've just never been very good at winning. I was always the kid that was picked on, that got picked last for the basketball theme, that never got the girl. Now i'm 28 and not much has changed, life is frustrating. I hate the job i'm at now, it's extremely stressful and I don't get enough money, I've been trying very hard to get a job as a server at a restaurant. But I keep getting turned down left to right because I have no experience. I've had 3 interviews so far and they all went horrible. The 2nd one the girl just looked over my application and said she would call me.
Today I had an interview at a restaurant called PF Chang's. I was a little nervous because I was going to be interviewing with a man, being a man myself, I find male interviewers more practical and less sympathetic, which is why I don't prefer them, and I was pretty much spot on. This man gave off a very corporate vibe, I think he was the head restaurant manager. He kept bringing up the fact that I had no experience but was mostly bothered by the fact that I didn't know the menu very well. He made me feel very stupid to be honest, although that wasn't his intention, if he was so bothered by me not having experience, he should not have invited me to the interview, and it seemed like he didn't really go over my resume at all until he started interviewing me. The restaurant is 10 miles away from home, and i'm trying to save up as much money as I can, so no I can't afford to eat there every single week, I only spend money on bills and essentials after I stopped drinking. I feel it was a bit unrealistic for him to expect me to be an expert with the menu by visiting every week, I understand from a business point of view, but this is what I mean when I say I feel male interviewers can be too practical and unrealistic. They forget the human and emotional aspect of business. Same thing happened when I interviewed at foot locker 8 years ago. The guy interviewing me expected me to be someone who bought $100 pairs of shoes often.
He seemed to make his decision before we sat down so the interview was very uncomfortable, telling me I was his 13th interview of the day and i'm greatly heartbroken that these people don't think i'm good enough. I've put in applications to almost every restaurant I know along the bus route(because I take the bus)and this was the last and only place to call me back. I feel like i'm stuck in life, my job position, where I live, my financial and relationship status. Apparently i'm not very likable, respected or useful because I can't seem to get the job or relationships that I want out of life. I barely get any respect or recognition at the job i'm at now. Most nights before I go to bed, I think about death, not actually wanting to die, but just about death itself, how one day I will die. I don't believe in an afterlife, so I believe an eternity of nothingness is awaiting me. I'm not even here on this earth for that long, and i'm not even living the life I want to live. It just feels like nothing is happening with my life, I have no friends, no girlfriend or wife, I don't feel inspired, valued or respected at my job, I rarely spend any money on myself because I barely make any money. Why am I here on this earth?
Today I had an interview at a restaurant called PF Chang's. I was a little nervous because I was going to be interviewing with a man, being a man myself, I find male interviewers more practical and less sympathetic, which is why I don't prefer them, and I was pretty much spot on. This man gave off a very corporate vibe, I think he was the head restaurant manager. He kept bringing up the fact that I had no experience but was mostly bothered by the fact that I didn't know the menu very well. He made me feel very stupid to be honest, although that wasn't his intention, if he was so bothered by me not having experience, he should not have invited me to the interview, and it seemed like he didn't really go over my resume at all until he started interviewing me. The restaurant is 10 miles away from home, and i'm trying to save up as much money as I can, so no I can't afford to eat there every single week, I only spend money on bills and essentials after I stopped drinking. I feel it was a bit unrealistic for him to expect me to be an expert with the menu by visiting every week, I understand from a business point of view, but this is what I mean when I say I feel male interviewers can be too practical and unrealistic. They forget the human and emotional aspect of business. Same thing happened when I interviewed at foot locker 8 years ago. The guy interviewing me expected me to be someone who bought $100 pairs of shoes often.
He seemed to make his decision before we sat down so the interview was very uncomfortable, telling me I was his 13th interview of the day and i'm greatly heartbroken that these people don't think i'm good enough. I've put in applications to almost every restaurant I know along the bus route(because I take the bus)and this was the last and only place to call me back. I feel like i'm stuck in life, my job position, where I live, my financial and relationship status. Apparently i'm not very likable, respected or useful because I can't seem to get the job or relationships that I want out of life. I barely get any respect or recognition at the job i'm at now. Most nights before I go to bed, I think about death, not actually wanting to die, but just about death itself, how one day I will die. I don't believe in an afterlife, so I believe an eternity of nothingness is awaiting me. I'm not even here on this earth for that long, and i'm not even living the life I want to live. It just feels like nothing is happening with my life, I have no friends, no girlfriend or wife, I don't feel inspired, valued or respected at my job, I rarely spend any money on myself because I barely make any money. Why am I here on this earth?
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Why am I here on this earth?
It is my responsibility to be open and receptive to the lessons you have to teach me so that I might receive them. Be open and receptive to the lessons coming your way. Don't be hampered in your efforts by your preconceived ideas of what you think you already know.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by least 
Is more education an option for you? Might give you some skills for the job market.
Originally I was going to go into the nursing program, but last year when I was accepted, I had to put down a $500 deposit, also I had to get all my immunizations which would of totaled up to over $500, all in a months time to save my spot. I passed on it to save up some more money because that would of left me broke. From working in customer service, i'm starting to realize i'm just not very good with people, so maybe nursing isn't the best job for me. People think i'm nice but i've never been popular and I don't feel they respect me. I've been considering looking into microbiology or maybe a marketing researcher.
Right now i'm working as a restaurant host, I have 2 years experience in that, yet I can't get a job waiting tables, making more money, despite the fact that alot of what we do as hosts is technically serving. We clean tables, occasionally refill drinks, get things for guests, suggest menu items. We just don't get any credit for it.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
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Don't mean to hijack the thread, but
Having conducted countless interviews during my 40 years in the restaurant business, what he was probably was looking for was how familiar you are with what PF Chang's is about. How much research into their operation had you done. Are you looking to work at PF Chang's or are you merely looking for a job. How much initiative and ownership did you take in the hiring process. Not judging you at all, just trying to offer some insight from the other side of the table so that you can be better prepared next time.
Before interviewing at a restaurant, study and learn about the menu, which can be done without eating there. You don't have to know it backwards and forward, but what cuisine, roughly how apps, entrees, desserts, basic ingredients and method of preparation (saute, grill, etc) etc. Learn what days of the week and hours are they open. Familiarize yourself with their prices. Try to get an idea of their clientele. The more you know before you walk into the interview, the better.
FWIW, I hire according to attitude, not according to experience. I have encountered tons of people for whom experience was a detriment. They already knew everything!!! Trying to unteach people, is not worth the effort. :~)
was mostly bothered by the fact that I didn't know the menu very well
Before interviewing at a restaurant, study and learn about the menu, which can be done without eating there. You don't have to know it backwards and forward, but what cuisine, roughly how apps, entrees, desserts, basic ingredients and method of preparation (saute, grill, etc) etc. Learn what days of the week and hours are they open. Familiarize yourself with their prices. Try to get an idea of their clientele. The more you know before you walk into the interview, the better.
FWIW, I hire according to attitude, not according to experience. I have encountered tons of people for whom experience was a detriment. They already knew everything!!! Trying to unteach people, is not worth the effort. :~)
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
A good deal of an interview centers around establishing a rapport with the person who is giving you their time and consideration. If you run the dialogue through demonstrating that you know about and have real interest in making both the firm and yourself successful, you have to be prepared to explain how that is going to come to be. I would stress how your experience informs you how the customer is experiencing all levels of their time in the setting (a restaurant), and why you would be good at making sure that happens at the point of service (the table). Have you volunteered at your current place of employment to stand in as a server when somebody cannot make a shift? It would be a start at getting some experience on your resume and to give you anecdotes to share in an interview of how you 1) are proficient enough; and 2) how you may have handled a difficult customer. Brush up on your can-do attitude when entering an interview as opposed to feeling that you are beaten from the start.
How is it going with not drinking? Whatever happens, don't let yourself fall back into that trap! The food and beverage service industry has good opportunities for a dependable and sober employee.
I'm sure that things can feel dark at times, I know what it is like to feel like the odd person out. Your value is not determined by what others think about you from your appearances or your background but by how you comport yourself and demonstrate your qualities in action. You have quit drinking, and that is a very commendable thing that people here value of you. Here you are not an outsider looking in but an informed man that can share and can learn to grow in many ways.
How is it going with not drinking? Whatever happens, don't let yourself fall back into that trap! The food and beverage service industry has good opportunities for a dependable and sober employee.
I'm sure that things can feel dark at times, I know what it is like to feel like the odd person out. Your value is not determined by what others think about you from your appearances or your background but by how you comport yourself and demonstrate your qualities in action. You have quit drinking, and that is a very commendable thing that people here value of you. Here you are not an outsider looking in but an informed man that can share and can learn to grow in many ways.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by nez
Don't mean to hijack the thread, but
Having conducted countless interviews during my 40 years in the restaurant business, what he was probably was looking for was how familiar you are with what PF Chang's is about. How much research into their operation had you done. Are you looking to work at PF Chang's or are you merely looking for a job. How much initiative and ownership did you take in the hiring process. Not judging you at all, just trying to offer some insight from the other side of the table so that you can be better prepared next time.
Before interviewing at a restaurant, study and learn about the menu, which can be done without eating there. You don't have to know it backwards and forward, but what cuisine, roughly how apps, entrees, desserts, basic ingredients and method of preparation (saute, grill, etc) etc. Learn what days of the week and hours are they open. Familiarize yourself with their prices. Try to get an idea of their clientele. The more you know before you walk into the interview, the better.
FWIW, I hire according to attitude, not according to experience. I have encountered tons of people for whom experience was a detriment. They already knew everything!!! Trying to unteach people, is not worth the effort. :~)
Having conducted countless interviews during my 40 years in the restaurant business, what he was probably was looking for was how familiar you are with what PF Chang's is about. How much research into their operation had you done. Are you looking to work at PF Chang's or are you merely looking for a job. How much initiative and ownership did you take in the hiring process. Not judging you at all, just trying to offer some insight from the other side of the table so that you can be better prepared next time.
Before interviewing at a restaurant, study and learn about the menu, which can be done without eating there. You don't have to know it backwards and forward, but what cuisine, roughly how apps, entrees, desserts, basic ingredients and method of preparation (saute, grill, etc) etc. Learn what days of the week and hours are they open. Familiarize yourself with their prices. Try to get an idea of their clientele. The more you know before you walk into the interview, the better.
FWIW, I hire according to attitude, not according to experience. I have encountered tons of people for whom experience was a detriment. They already knew everything!!! Trying to unteach people, is not worth the effort. :~)
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Definitely highlight the experience you have as a host in your interviews.. I'm not saying it was the right or ethical thing to do, but I got my first serving job many years ago by embellishing (to the point of basically lying) about the experience I did have. Look for places with a "theme" or different way of doing things as they often don't like hiring people with tons of experience so they can mold you from the start. Always do your research on the food and history of the place first so you're ready to give them the lines they're looking for and can anticipate some of the questions they'll ask about the menu (including drinks). It's just the knowledge they want you to have, you don't actually have to spend money there as a customer.
I've grown to kind of hate the restaurant and bar industry at this point but it can be a legit way of supporting yourself, so that's my advice on that.. Or, could you save up for a car from what you make in your current job and then get a delivery position somewhere? Less hassle and interaction with customers that way.
Good luck and keep trying.
I've grown to kind of hate the restaurant and bar industry at this point but it can be a legit way of supporting yourself, so that's my advice on that.. Or, could you save up for a car from what you make in your current job and then get a delivery position somewhere? Less hassle and interaction with customers that way.
Good luck and keep trying.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
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Originally Posted by Cosima11
Definitely highlight the experience you have as a host in your interviews.. I'm not saying it was the right or ethical thing to do, but I got my first serving job many years ago by embellishing (to the point of basically lying) about the experience I did have. Look for places with a "theme" or different way of doing things as they often don't like hiring people with tons of experience so they can mold you from the start. Always do your research on the food and history of the place first so you're ready to give them the lines they're looking for and can anticipate some of the questions they'll ask about the menu (including drinks). It's just the knowledge they want you to have, you don't actually have to spend money there as a customer.
I've grown to kind of hate the restaurant and bar industry at this point but it can be a legit way of supporting yourself, so that's my advice on that.. Or, could you save up for a car from what you make in your current job and then get a delivery position somewhere? Less hassle and interaction with customers that way.
Good luck and keep trying.
I've grown to kind of hate the restaurant and bar industry at this point but it can be a legit way of supporting yourself, so that's my advice on that.. Or, could you save up for a car from what you make in your current job and then get a delivery position somewhere? Less hassle and interaction with customers that way.
Good luck and keep trying.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Can I ask your approach to job applications?
Here is something I learned from working in several fields including entry level service industry:
1) Apply everywhere
2) You are the prize
And number one is super important. I applied to over 100 companies before getting my first job in my new industry. Some people got a job after ONE
That's not me. I grind to get what I want.
Here is something I learned from working in several fields including entry level service industry:
1) Apply everywhere
2) You are the prize
And number one is super important. I applied to over 100 companies before getting my first job in my new industry. Some people got a job after ONE
That's not me. I grind to get what I want.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by kinzoku
Can I ask your approach to job applications?
Here is something I learned from working in several fields including entry level service industry:
1) Apply everywhere
2) You are the prize
And number one is super important. I applied to over 100 companies before getting my first job in my new industry. Some people got a job after ONE
That's not me. I grind to get what I want.
Here is something I learned from working in several fields including entry level service industry:
1) Apply everywhere
2) You are the prize
And number one is super important. I applied to over 100 companies before getting my first job in my new industry. Some people got a job after ONE
That's not me. I grind to get what I want.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by YoungHyde25
I agree with you on hating the restaurant and bar industry lol. 3 years ago I promised myself that I would never return to the restaurant business and here I am working at a restaurant again. I'll probably try some less corporate places that have a more laid back culture. They tend not to be so picky about who they hire.
Also I hadn’t read nez’s post before posting mine, but that is all great advice for this industry.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,647
Originally Posted by YoungHyde25
the manager interviewing me said alot of stuff is made in house, and how he didn't know what Asian cuisine was until he started working there, but that's nothing new.
You don't have to know everything to get a job, people want people who are interested and interesting!
For instance, when he mentioned that many of the items on the menu were made in-house, did you ask about that? "Oh really, I didn't know that, what are some of the ones that are made in-house"?
It shows you actually care and might be interested in learning more.
Frankly you don't sound very interested and maybe it's time to look at other options. Do you like being around people all the time? If not, a more solitary position might be better.
As for your social life, what interests you? Have to looked at meet-up groups at all? If you are near a big center or live in one there are tons of groups to join. If you want friends - you have to put yourself out there in the world.
Hope this is a little helpful, I wish you luck in your job search.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Sorry to keep posting I just feel I should clarify I was joking with my comment about corporate environments, but really if you go into it with the attitude that there's nowhere you'd rather be... learn as much as possible about the company beforehand, be enthusiastic and excited, let them know you're not just looking for something short term you want to commit to and grow with them.. that's basically what will get you hired.
You're not looking for a sympathetic interviewer, you want them to see you as competent and willing to learn.
You're not looking for a sympathetic interviewer, you want them to see you as competent and willing to learn.
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Join Date: May 2016
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Originally Posted by trailmix
nez is right and I say all of this kindly and hopefully it will be helpful.
You don't have to know everything to get a job, people want people who are interested and interesting!
For instance, when he mentioned that many of the items on the menu were made in-house, did you ask about that? "Oh really, I didn't know that, what are some of the ones that are made in-house"?
It shows you actually care and might be interested in learning more.
Frankly you don't sound very interested and maybe it's time to look at other options. Do you like being around people all the time? If not, a more solitary position might be better.
As for your social life, what interests you? Have to looked at meet-up groups at all? If you are near a big center or live in one there are tons of groups to join. If you want friends - you have to put yourself out there in the world.
Hope this is a little helpful, I wish you luck in your job search.
You don't have to know everything to get a job, people want people who are interested and interesting!
For instance, when he mentioned that many of the items on the menu were made in-house, did you ask about that? "Oh really, I didn't know that, what are some of the ones that are made in-house"?
It shows you actually care and might be interested in learning more.
Frankly you don't sound very interested and maybe it's time to look at other options. Do you like being around people all the time? If not, a more solitary position might be better.
As for your social life, what interests you? Have to looked at meet-up groups at all? If you are near a big center or live in one there are tons of groups to join. If you want friends - you have to put yourself out there in the world.
Hope this is a little helpful, I wish you luck in your job search.
But I am realizing i might be the happiest when i'm working by myself, so perhaps serving just isn't for me. I just wanted to try something different and I liked the idea of being able to directly contribute to a guest's experience. Gives my job some purpose if i'm making people happy. Working as a host I feel i'm doing the opposite because the servers sometimes make us feel bad when we seat them. Where I work at the managers schedule too many large reservations and the servers get exhausted, yet we are told to continue seating them and they take their frustrations out on us. It's very emotionally draining for someone like me who is very sensitive and feels guilty very easily.
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You have a delicate problem. You're really really smart.
An I think there's a large part of you that resents having to go to these interviews and go through all of this bulls#it just to get turned down or get told you didn't have enough experience to write down an order and take it to a cook. Or to greet and serve or seat people. A job, a well trained f'ing monkey could do.
You're not applying for rocket science. I get your frustration.
So here's the way it goes. You need money. Probably badly. In the end, you probably can't afford to be picky right now.
Find the bigger purpose later. You're really young and it might take you some time to figure out what really blows your hair back.
Try an employment agency. They're all over. My wife worked for one when she was in grad school, and I got dozens of my friends jobs they were and weren't qualified to do. Try a lot of different things.
Right now, this has to be first. Figure out the basics and then look at the bigger picture.
I have a very dear friend of mine who's a director and he said he started making movies because he was too dumb to be a rocket scientist and too smart to work at a convenience store. This is what made him happy. You just haven't found what that is yet.
Things will make a lot more sense if you put some time under your belt. To me, it sounds a lot like the late 20s panic we all get. Don't worry, there's still time.
An I think there's a large part of you that resents having to go to these interviews and go through all of this bulls#it just to get turned down or get told you didn't have enough experience to write down an order and take it to a cook. Or to greet and serve or seat people. A job, a well trained f'ing monkey could do.
You're not applying for rocket science. I get your frustration.
So here's the way it goes. You need money. Probably badly. In the end, you probably can't afford to be picky right now.
Find the bigger purpose later. You're really young and it might take you some time to figure out what really blows your hair back.
Try an employment agency. They're all over. My wife worked for one when she was in grad school, and I got dozens of my friends jobs they were and weren't qualified to do. Try a lot of different things.
Right now, this has to be first. Figure out the basics and then look at the bigger picture.
I have a very dear friend of mine who's a director and he said he started making movies because he was too dumb to be a rocket scientist and too smart to work at a convenience store. This is what made him happy. You just haven't found what that is yet.
Things will make a lot more sense if you put some time under your belt. To me, it sounds a lot like the late 20s panic we all get. Don't worry, there's still time.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
The next time you put in your resume do some exhaustive research online about the company you have submitted your resume to. For example PF Chang, you could have searched online and gone over their menu to familiarize yourself with it. Give it a try next time. Just knowing a bit more about the company might give yourself a bit of confidence walking into the interview.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,846
If you're truly passionate about something in life, you need to go for it! I worked some menial jobs to help put me thru college. I graduated with a degree is Mass Communications as I wanted a career in the radio industry. I started working at a small market radio station and really enjoyed it. However, my true passion was music research. There's really only one company in the world doing such research and I was a customer of their books for many years. Due to a change of ownership, I left the radio station and wrote to the research company hoping that they would hire me. That was in March of 1992 and I've been at that company ever since! Some might call it luck, but I call it passion for my work. In fact, I really don't consider it "work" at all. Stop making excuses, find something you're passionate about and find a way to do it!
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