Emotional Sobriety
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 988
Emotional Sobriety
I have heard many people who work on their recovery talk about attaining "emotional sobriety." Do you have some examples of attaining "emotional sobriety"?
(Hearing from those who have examples would be a great motivation for envisioning the fruits of longterm sobriety.)
(Hearing from those who have examples would be a great motivation for envisioning the fruits of longterm sobriety.)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
For me, these were the two primary components in my journey towards emotional sobriety:
Forgiveness - this was always a tough one for me. When I was in rehab years back in my first failed sobriety attempt I discussed forgiveness with my counselor. She told me that forgiveness and reconciliation were not one and the same. You can forgive somebody and still not want to associate with them. The point is that by forgiving somebody you do not let them take up space in your heart and consciousness, you are in effect empowering yourself.
When I got sober this time, forgiveness was the first thing I worked on after my acute withdrawal symptoms were gone. I made a list of everybody I had a grievance against and really thought about the situation that had caused it. It turns out I had been holding on to some petty grievances way past their expiration date. It also turned out that some people did not make the final cut in this new chapter of my life. But I swore to myself that every single person and every single instance was forgiven in my heart. I would never allow myself to have those experiences hanging over my head anymore.
Letting go of resentments - forgiveness was already hard, this was even tougher. Although I had forgiven myself and forgiven others, I was still angry at the universe for things that had been unfair in my life. The logical part of my mind knows that "fair" is a human construct that doesn't exist anywhere in the real world. That didn't dampen the sting that I was newly sober close to my 40s and felt that I had wasted a good two decades of my life.
It took awhile but I believe I have finally gotten over the resentments. By diligently working my program and empowering myself, slowly the resentments have disappeared and have been replaced by peace and serenity. I am finally comfortable in my own skin, I love myself for the first time, and I'm optimistic for my future.
Forgiveness - this was always a tough one for me. When I was in rehab years back in my first failed sobriety attempt I discussed forgiveness with my counselor. She told me that forgiveness and reconciliation were not one and the same. You can forgive somebody and still not want to associate with them. The point is that by forgiving somebody you do not let them take up space in your heart and consciousness, you are in effect empowering yourself.
When I got sober this time, forgiveness was the first thing I worked on after my acute withdrawal symptoms were gone. I made a list of everybody I had a grievance against and really thought about the situation that had caused it. It turns out I had been holding on to some petty grievances way past their expiration date. It also turned out that some people did not make the final cut in this new chapter of my life. But I swore to myself that every single person and every single instance was forgiven in my heart. I would never allow myself to have those experiences hanging over my head anymore.
Letting go of resentments - forgiveness was already hard, this was even tougher. Although I had forgiven myself and forgiven others, I was still angry at the universe for things that had been unfair in my life. The logical part of my mind knows that "fair" is a human construct that doesn't exist anywhere in the real world. That didn't dampen the sting that I was newly sober close to my 40s and felt that I had wasted a good two decades of my life.
It took awhile but I believe I have finally gotten over the resentments. By diligently working my program and empowering myself, slowly the resentments have disappeared and have been replaced by peace and serenity. I am finally comfortable in my own skin, I love myself for the first time, and I'm optimistic for my future.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Forgiveness is a very important part of getting emotional sobriety. It is a two way street. I need to be willing to forgive those who have done me wrong and I have to be willing to ask for forgiveness from those that I have harmed making amends to them where possible.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Emotional sobriety is my single focus.
It far precedes physical sobriety.
It means balancing emotions - the learning I have done in AA; learning tools to deal with stress and fear and anger and resentment, both spiritual (ie I can't do all that alone) and practical (stopping to breathe; saying 5 things I am grateful for out loud, big or small, when I realize I am wallowing, self-pitying, etc).
It means keeping my life both structured and simple. I do well the weeks when I make 4-5 mtgs; I self correct if that gets as low as 2. I do the same exact routine every AM: read specific BB pages, come on SR, do a meditation read from Friar Richard Rohr, a shared Bible app with my husband, and ask myself HALT (Hungry Angry Lonely Tired) about the day before, generally self-checking for how I slept and how my back is healing. Simple means I seek to learn but I don't junk things up with mental gymnastics. That's plenty easier said than done.
I only spend time with people who deserve a seat at my table - those, alcoholic or not, who are trying to live their own best lives.
I am pretty good at simply saying "No" to ANYTHING that doesn't support all this. I also stretch myself here at almost 3 yr sober to do want I truly can (ie go to a dinner w my wayward step son when that is the LAST thing I want to do) instead of justifying my absence in the name of keeping my emotional sobriety.
I see a psych and have a good med regimen.
I'm honest about everything and make adjustments or call myself out if I see creeps into something like financial dishonesty (ex, I used to know exactly how to manipulate folks into getting what I wanted - my husband makes the income that supports us now and I don't take advantage of the fact that he pretty much doesn't say "no" or even bring up my recreational spending).
I try to help others. Extra effort when I realize I'm in my own ego head space.
All of this adds up to good emotional sobriety, and consistently making the next right choices about this stuff has become the backdrop of my life. It all supports my ultimate goal: to die sober, and live the best life I can along the way.
It far precedes physical sobriety.
It means balancing emotions - the learning I have done in AA; learning tools to deal with stress and fear and anger and resentment, both spiritual (ie I can't do all that alone) and practical (stopping to breathe; saying 5 things I am grateful for out loud, big or small, when I realize I am wallowing, self-pitying, etc).
It means keeping my life both structured and simple. I do well the weeks when I make 4-5 mtgs; I self correct if that gets as low as 2. I do the same exact routine every AM: read specific BB pages, come on SR, do a meditation read from Friar Richard Rohr, a shared Bible app with my husband, and ask myself HALT (Hungry Angry Lonely Tired) about the day before, generally self-checking for how I slept and how my back is healing. Simple means I seek to learn but I don't junk things up with mental gymnastics. That's plenty easier said than done.
I only spend time with people who deserve a seat at my table - those, alcoholic or not, who are trying to live their own best lives.
I am pretty good at simply saying "No" to ANYTHING that doesn't support all this. I also stretch myself here at almost 3 yr sober to do want I truly can (ie go to a dinner w my wayward step son when that is the LAST thing I want to do) instead of justifying my absence in the name of keeping my emotional sobriety.
I see a psych and have a good med regimen.
I'm honest about everything and make adjustments or call myself out if I see creeps into something like financial dishonesty (ex, I used to know exactly how to manipulate folks into getting what I wanted - my husband makes the income that supports us now and I don't take advantage of the fact that he pretty much doesn't say "no" or even bring up my recreational spending).
I try to help others. Extra effort when I realize I'm in my own ego head space.
All of this adds up to good emotional sobriety, and consistently making the next right choices about this stuff has become the backdrop of my life. It all supports my ultimate goal: to die sober, and live the best life I can along the way.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
People who have known me, except for those who have been around me when I'm stupid drunk, would always have characterized me as a "sober-minded" kind of person. I have never been quick to anger, am calm in difficult circumstances where I am called upon to be so, and I don't openly express my emotion quickly. But inside I was a turmoil, often bubbling with anxiety, worried about my circumstances of how others perceived me, and I was constantly judgmental of my real and perceived or imaginary shortcomings. There is more to it, but suffice to say that I was a mess, far from stable.
Today I am doing much better, very much in part to my quitting drinking that was distorting my reality and therefore my emotions, and in finally addressing deep depression that was made far worse by the alcohol.
I use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques to help me to calmly evaluate my presence and to address my feelings. I have prioritized my life around staying that way, giving up some aims and taking on new ones that are sustainable for me. I attend to my recovery daily.
Have I achieved full emotional sobriety, not in a long shot, and it's something that I know I will probably have to work on forever, just like I must be abstinent. I was withdrawn and unhappy before I was alcoholic. Some of that may be biological for me, a lot environmental, and I try to focus on what I can to put me in the best place that I can be to achieve a harmonious relationship with my identify and with others. What else can I do ...
Today I am doing much better, very much in part to my quitting drinking that was distorting my reality and therefore my emotions, and in finally addressing deep depression that was made far worse by the alcohol.
I use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques to help me to calmly evaluate my presence and to address my feelings. I have prioritized my life around staying that way, giving up some aims and taking on new ones that are sustainable for me. I attend to my recovery daily.
Have I achieved full emotional sobriety, not in a long shot, and it's something that I know I will probably have to work on forever, just like I must be abstinent. I was withdrawn and unhappy before I was alcoholic. Some of that may be biological for me, a lot environmental, and I try to focus on what I can to put me in the best place that I can be to achieve a harmonious relationship with my identify and with others. What else can I do ...
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
To me, the concept of what "emotional sobriety" suggests is fixing all of the problems that I was trying to run away and hide from with alcohol. Removing alcohol itself from my life was only the very beginning of the journey. I was extremely good at avoiding things, putting things off, trying to hide from things. That didn't suddenly change when I quite drinking beer every day.
So for me, "fixing" those things involved massive change on my part. And to be very honest much of that change was very uncomfortable at first. For example, I used alcohol as an excape from dealing with situations with my family - i'd literally run off and hide in the garage or out in the back yard and slam a few beers when things got heated with my wife or kids. Once I quit drinking i still had the opportunity to run away from that situation - maybe go hide on my phone, or in the bathroom, or the gas station. It was VERY uncomfortable to instead face the situation head on and accept that very probably I was part of the problem in the first place. Having honest conversations with people and accepting that yes - my behavior is a problem was very uncomfortable.
Another example is my anxiety. I have likely been a sufferer most of my life, but of course alcohol was my "medicine" for decades. Once I quit drinking, the anxiety initially got a little better but came back full force, even after I was well past acute withdrawals. Accepting the fact that maybe I did indeed have a mental health issue was a very uncomfortable concept. Going to a therapist for the first time in my life in my 40s was also an extremely hard thing to do. But in the end I should have done it many many years ago.
The silver lining is that when you do start taking accountability and getting the help you need to improve, things DO get better. All of those things that you used to run away from can be faced head on. And the satisfaction gained from doing so is far greater than anything alcohol could ever provide.
So for me, "fixing" those things involved massive change on my part. And to be very honest much of that change was very uncomfortable at first. For example, I used alcohol as an excape from dealing with situations with my family - i'd literally run off and hide in the garage or out in the back yard and slam a few beers when things got heated with my wife or kids. Once I quit drinking i still had the opportunity to run away from that situation - maybe go hide on my phone, or in the bathroom, or the gas station. It was VERY uncomfortable to instead face the situation head on and accept that very probably I was part of the problem in the first place. Having honest conversations with people and accepting that yes - my behavior is a problem was very uncomfortable.
Another example is my anxiety. I have likely been a sufferer most of my life, but of course alcohol was my "medicine" for decades. Once I quit drinking, the anxiety initially got a little better but came back full force, even after I was well past acute withdrawals. Accepting the fact that maybe I did indeed have a mental health issue was a very uncomfortable concept. Going to a therapist for the first time in my life in my 40s was also an extremely hard thing to do. But in the end I should have done it many many years ago.
The silver lining is that when you do start taking accountability and getting the help you need to improve, things DO get better. All of those things that you used to run away from can be faced head on. And the satisfaction gained from doing so is far greater than anything alcohol could ever provide.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 988
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Reading about the work you do to attain emotional sobriety is very inspirational.
I have a lot of negative behaviors that drinking only exacerbated and accompanied. Those behaviors have made me lose people and opportunities that were very important. So, I know that I need to grow emotionally in order to feel the benefits of sobriety.
I could really relate to the need for forgiveness and also the acute avoidance. I've lived an existence (now until my late forties) of avoiding and putting off the most important things. I delay and hesitate to the point that the prospect disappears.
I have a lot of negative behaviors that drinking only exacerbated and accompanied. Those behaviors have made me lose people and opportunities that were very important. So, I know that I need to grow emotionally in order to feel the benefits of sobriety.
I could really relate to the need for forgiveness and also the acute avoidance. I've lived an existence (now until my late forties) of avoiding and putting off the most important things. I delay and hesitate to the point that the prospect disappears.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I've thought about this post for about a day and a half - coming up with different types of answers. The problem I have is finding a simplistic and understandable way to describe what's really a very complex answer.
In my case, stopping drinking was great for a while (maybe 9 months or so) but then it started to feel like I was really just the same person only now I wasn't drinking. The drinking had been cleaned up but the rest of me still felt pretty cruddy. My thinking was the same, I was anxious a lot, had difficulty sleeping, felt threatened a lot (especially at work by co-workers), was dealing with what seemed like a lot of depression and..... well, I could go on. Suffice it to say, I was confronted with how I felt when I wasn't drinking and it was becoming quite clear that sober me was so un-enjoyable that there was no wonder I drank as much as I could and as often as I could.
I needed to find a solution for how to live as sober-Mike and enjoy it - something I never really was able to keep up for long. I tried as long as I could to pass it off as PAWS or just some phase I was going through but in my heart, I knew that sooner or later I'd have to learn to deal with what was really going on inside my head or I was headed for disaster again.
Most of my "negative thinking" was directed inward - I loooooved to hate on myself. And that's odd, because on another level, I thought I was one of the most well-equipped-to-succeed people that I knew. The phrase "ego-maniac with an inferiority complex" really hit home with me.
I tried meds and a lot of therapy. The drugs did their job - they numbed me out so I felt nothing but I knew that wasn't really fixing anything. They just kept me from feeling what was still a bunch of problems I wasn't addressing. Therapy helped but I was lucky, my therapist and I spoke almost exclusively about 12-step recovery - where I learned that this "emotional sobriety" was really what the steps were aimed at, should one want to dig that far into them.
Over time I learned that all those outside issues that I saw as threats, all the things in my life I felt were so unfair, all the problems that worried about - keeping me up at night and distracted during the day, and all those relationships I had in my past and even the ones I was currently involved in that seemed so lop-sided or just plain unhealthy, all those people that just drove me nuts and I'd decided to hate, and all those incessant thoughts that seemed to just whirl around in my head at the speed of light were what I REALLLY needed to address now that I was free from booze.
Unless I found a way to get free of all this emotional turmoil, it was obvious I was headed for one of 3 really bad endings - 1 - I'd end up drinking again and dying, 2 - I'd just kill myself (drunk or "sober") to avoid the pain of living "sober," or 3 - I'd not drink, not kill myself and then spend the next........ 20, 30, 40 years of my life on this planet - MISERABLE. As much as I didn't feel like believing there was a real solution to my problems in AA, those 3 alternatives above started to drift closer and closer to me. Eventually I could feel that probably door number 2 - just ending my life, started to reeeeeally look attractive. .......and that freaked me out.
So what areas of my life would I now say emotional sobriety has touched...... well, every single one. There's hardly a thought that goes through my head anymore that's even in the same ballpark as what had been typical of me for decades. It's as if I've been rebooted, my entire hard drive wiped clean, and a completely new operating system has been installed. Sure, it was not an overnight job. It took a lot of hard work and a lot of practice.....loooots of practice. The difference between this life now and the one I was experiencing in early sobriety when I thought that "not drinking" was enough..... I honestly can't find the words to adequately explain how different they are.
In my case, stopping drinking was great for a while (maybe 9 months or so) but then it started to feel like I was really just the same person only now I wasn't drinking. The drinking had been cleaned up but the rest of me still felt pretty cruddy. My thinking was the same, I was anxious a lot, had difficulty sleeping, felt threatened a lot (especially at work by co-workers), was dealing with what seemed like a lot of depression and..... well, I could go on. Suffice it to say, I was confronted with how I felt when I wasn't drinking and it was becoming quite clear that sober me was so un-enjoyable that there was no wonder I drank as much as I could and as often as I could.
I needed to find a solution for how to live as sober-Mike and enjoy it - something I never really was able to keep up for long. I tried as long as I could to pass it off as PAWS or just some phase I was going through but in my heart, I knew that sooner or later I'd have to learn to deal with what was really going on inside my head or I was headed for disaster again.
Most of my "negative thinking" was directed inward - I loooooved to hate on myself. And that's odd, because on another level, I thought I was one of the most well-equipped-to-succeed people that I knew. The phrase "ego-maniac with an inferiority complex" really hit home with me.
I tried meds and a lot of therapy. The drugs did their job - they numbed me out so I felt nothing but I knew that wasn't really fixing anything. They just kept me from feeling what was still a bunch of problems I wasn't addressing. Therapy helped but I was lucky, my therapist and I spoke almost exclusively about 12-step recovery - where I learned that this "emotional sobriety" was really what the steps were aimed at, should one want to dig that far into them.
Over time I learned that all those outside issues that I saw as threats, all the things in my life I felt were so unfair, all the problems that worried about - keeping me up at night and distracted during the day, and all those relationships I had in my past and even the ones I was currently involved in that seemed so lop-sided or just plain unhealthy, all those people that just drove me nuts and I'd decided to hate, and all those incessant thoughts that seemed to just whirl around in my head at the speed of light were what I REALLLY needed to address now that I was free from booze.
Unless I found a way to get free of all this emotional turmoil, it was obvious I was headed for one of 3 really bad endings - 1 - I'd end up drinking again and dying, 2 - I'd just kill myself (drunk or "sober") to avoid the pain of living "sober," or 3 - I'd not drink, not kill myself and then spend the next........ 20, 30, 40 years of my life on this planet - MISERABLE. As much as I didn't feel like believing there was a real solution to my problems in AA, those 3 alternatives above started to drift closer and closer to me. Eventually I could feel that probably door number 2 - just ending my life, started to reeeeeally look attractive. .......and that freaked me out.
So what areas of my life would I now say emotional sobriety has touched...... well, every single one. There's hardly a thought that goes through my head anymore that's even in the same ballpark as what had been typical of me for decades. It's as if I've been rebooted, my entire hard drive wiped clean, and a completely new operating system has been installed. Sure, it was not an overnight job. It took a lot of hard work and a lot of practice.....loooots of practice. The difference between this life now and the one I was experiencing in early sobriety when I thought that "not drinking" was enough..... I honestly can't find the words to adequately explain how different they are.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 988
Thank you DayTrader for sharing your experience. The story of recovery/recovering is very powerful. You have my admiration for working to get where you are and not giving in to the pull of dark places. I'm happy for you.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
Forgiveness - what it is, and what it isn't.
Letting go of resentments from the past because they're only harming me
Not staying in resentment in the present
Having gratitude
Not allowing how others act affect your inner peace
Keeping quiet instead of giving your opinion
Letting people be who they are without trying to change them
No judging or criticizing
Allowing others to have their own journeys
Thinking of others
Staying out of your mind chatter
Responding instead of reacting
Pausing to think things through
Self-awareness of how you're treating others
Letting go of old defense mechanisms created in childhood as survival skills
Acceptance
Observing the mind, without feeding into it or trying to run away from it
Letting feelings come and go. Feeling them, not denying them or numbing them, but not reacting to them either or feeding into them
Living from a place of authenticity versus the human ego
Not taking things personally
No longer caring so much about what other people think of me
Staying in my side of the street
Walking away from toxic people instead of continuing to vent about them to others
Looking within
Realizing the only thing in life I can change is my thinking and my actions
Letting go of resentments from the past because they're only harming me
Not staying in resentment in the present
Having gratitude
Not allowing how others act affect your inner peace
Keeping quiet instead of giving your opinion
Letting people be who they are without trying to change them
No judging or criticizing
Allowing others to have their own journeys
Thinking of others
Staying out of your mind chatter
Responding instead of reacting
Pausing to think things through
Self-awareness of how you're treating others
Letting go of old defense mechanisms created in childhood as survival skills
Acceptance
Observing the mind, without feeding into it or trying to run away from it
Letting feelings come and go. Feeling them, not denying them or numbing them, but not reacting to them either or feeding into them
Living from a place of authenticity versus the human ego
Not taking things personally
No longer caring so much about what other people think of me
Staying in my side of the street
Walking away from toxic people instead of continuing to vent about them to others
Looking within
Realizing the only thing in life I can change is my thinking and my actions
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,388
For me, sobriety is sobriety. It's not drinking alcohol, pure and simple. Taking proper care of this body, feeling that sense of stewardship. From that most fundamental truth, once we get that right, we can start or resume to work on basic human things that every responsible human being should be doing. A big part of that is tending to these "selves" we've stumbled on.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
For me emotional sobriety means an ability to balance the ups/downs in life. Of course I often fall short but balance is what I strive to accomplish.
What Is Emotional Sobriety?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl...ional-sobriety
What Is Emotional Sobriety?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl...ional-sobriety
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
To the comments about avoiding emotions....a couple of you touched on things very similar to my husband's journey. I have the sweetest letters he wrote me in high school, found a postcard I sent him in college that he kept til we got engaged (so from '97 to 2017) and were packing up his house to move in together (we dated in HS and reunited once both were sober, no contact for the yrs since college)...he always HAD feelings but didn't know how to really FEEL them....in his journey of recovery, identifying them (ie, not just saying "I'm stressed" but what is the specific "stress" - unhappy? mad? etc) and not avoiding them is a big part of his work. He just did 4 and 5 yesterday and was mentally shot after.
For me - I've historically had too MANY feelings to deal with! My avoidance has come in the form of often overreacting to crap that really doesn't matter bc I couldn't handle the anger, fear, etc caused by living with an alcoholic mom, just as an example. When I was drinking, my MO became to drink alone and get 700 kinds of wound up in my head.
Either extreme is common for alcoholics- and def something both of us run of the mill ones keep working on changing. He talks and shares more - I rarely flip out. It's good
For me - I've historically had too MANY feelings to deal with! My avoidance has come in the form of often overreacting to crap that really doesn't matter bc I couldn't handle the anger, fear, etc caused by living with an alcoholic mom, just as an example. When I was drinking, my MO became to drink alone and get 700 kinds of wound up in my head.
Either extreme is common for alcoholics- and def something both of us run of the mill ones keep working on changing. He talks and shares more - I rarely flip out. It's good
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
In very early recovery someone said: "the person who walks in this room will drink again". Another one: "change or die". Alcoholics are self-centered in the extreme, suffer from grandiosity and have enormous self-will. I had to change or I would drink again. Emotional sobriety is doing the program, working the steps and being honest. Some of the things I've worked on...........
Letting go of negative stuff. One of my favorite sayings is "let go or be dragged".
Stop projecting. I am always wrong when I try to guess the future and always negative as well.
Letting go of expectations, one of the major reasons relationships/friendships don't work out.
I've been working on this stuff for decades and I'm really a different person, although there are still challenges. I'm an agnostic who found a spiritual program in AA, sounds crazy but it works.
Letting go of negative stuff. One of my favorite sayings is "let go or be dragged".
Stop projecting. I am always wrong when I try to guess the future and always negative as well.
Letting go of expectations, one of the major reasons relationships/friendships don't work out.
I've been working on this stuff for decades and I'm really a different person, although there are still challenges. I'm an agnostic who found a spiritual program in AA, sounds crazy but it works.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
People have shared some great insights about emotional sobriety on this thread.
If I focus on sober living and thinking, and work the 12 steps of AA and thank God and ask God for help everyday, I stay sober.
I would add to the other wisdom on this thread that, at least for me, emotional sobriety includes:
1. not getting angry when I should be, when I should not be and/or when I could be;
2. not responding to people in anger;
3. trying to lift people up all day long (I talk to everyone, especially people who work at rather menial labor positions);
4. trying to share God's blessings to me with others (including money);
5. going through each day with a lightness of disposition (and not wrapped around the axle);
6. returning those phone calls and emails that I wish I hadn't received;
7. being patient;
8. being thankful to others; and
9. trying to be helpful, especially to my clients and those who seek my assistance.
If I focus on sober living and thinking, and work the 12 steps of AA and thank God and ask God for help everyday, I stay sober.
I would add to the other wisdom on this thread that, at least for me, emotional sobriety includes:
1. not getting angry when I should be, when I should not be and/or when I could be;
2. not responding to people in anger;
3. trying to lift people up all day long (I talk to everyone, especially people who work at rather menial labor positions);
4. trying to share God's blessings to me with others (including money);
5. going through each day with a lightness of disposition (and not wrapped around the axle);
6. returning those phone calls and emails that I wish I hadn't received;
7. being patient;
8. being thankful to others; and
9. trying to be helpful, especially to my clients and those who seek my assistance.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
The book Emotional Sobriety is excellent.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Spiritual experience has been described as a profound alteration in our reaction to life. This could be summed up as the ability to match calamity with serenity.
Bills conclusion in his writing on the subject was that stability comes from giving, not receiving.
A superintendent of a large mental hospital, many years ago, gave his take on the 12 steps. he thought they were and excellent means of turning "greedy self lovers into generous other lovers"
Seems like getting rid of self centredness may be part of the solution, and the 12 steps may be a path towards that end.
Bills conclusion in his writing on the subject was that stability comes from giving, not receiving.
A superintendent of a large mental hospital, many years ago, gave his take on the 12 steps. he thought they were and excellent means of turning "greedy self lovers into generous other lovers"
Seems like getting rid of self centredness may be part of the solution, and the 12 steps may be a path towards that end.
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