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Old 01-13-2019, 11:07 PM   #1 (permalink)
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nightmare...


Ever have one of those dreams where you feel like you were in your dream for like a week? That just happened to me.

I was dreaming about one of the best friends I ever had. We were hanging out and catching up and just having a blast . We got on our bikes and rode through what looked like this old mining town we used to ride through on our way to Tombstone AZ. We both had an affinity for the old west.

Anyway, we stopped at this old dive bar and went outback to grab some rest and then I woke up.

I immediately grabbed my phone and started dialing his number. Then it hit me..."Wait..that was a dream. " Jimmy died more than 20 years ago from a drug overdose. Man......I fu$^in hate that s#it.

I still miss my friend. I hate drugs. I hate addiction.I hate that it guts people's families and leaves nothing. I hate that it took me another 20 some odd years before I stopped.

I wonder what Jimmy would have been like now?

The longer I stay sober, the more contempt I have for this illness. It steals your life and depletes your soul.

It's 2:05 AM here. I miss my friend, Jimmy. I'm gonna go grab some coffee and try to get some work done. This shook my a$$ up.
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Old 01-13-2019, 11:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Sorry for your loss BD.

D
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Old 01-14-2019, 12:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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BD,

I just lost a friend.

I am so sorry for your pain. Never goes away.

XX
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Old 01-14-2019, 05:49 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for your loss. That must have been a very eerie feeling.

I had one of those dreams last night....man it seemed like it took up the whole night. It was also about an old friend who I am no longer in communication with. It was very stressful and I woke up with head ache...like I'd clenched my teeth all night. Ugh.
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Old 01-14-2019, 08:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for the pain the dream triggered BullDog

I had a dream a few days ago where I was walking with a man who died this past year that I think of as a father figure--he taught me to ride horses and I spent many thousands of hours on his farm working with horses while I grew up.

Funny thing was he had dark hair and was wearing a suit--like in early middle age.

I'd only seen him with grey hair in breeches and boots for riding.
I said, "Egon, you look nice. "

We were going to some sort of meeting, but then I woke up but the image of him as a younger man dressed formally was so odd and compelling and something I just don't believe my subconscious would have chosen.

Sometimes I do think I visit with old friends in dreams. . .
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Old 01-14-2019, 11:21 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I have had plenty of dreams with family and friends who have passed away in my past. Weird feeling and I have wondered what they would be doing if they were still alive.
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Old 01-15-2019, 12:15 AM   #7 (permalink)
Reality...what a concept!
 
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So sorry for the loss of your friend. Itís very unsettling when nightmares bring up emotions like you describe. I often have dreams that I got drunk and didnít do something I was supposed to, and everyone is angry with me. Honestly that rarely happened when I was drinking, but seems so vivid in the dreams.

SR is a good place to come and get your mind sorted so hopefully you can get back to sleep.
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Old 01-15-2019, 06:32 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Very sorry, Bulldog.
Dreams can be disconcerting.
I often dream that I am attempting to negotiate a system, a city, an airport, a large building, and it isn't going well.
I get lost, I get stuck, I fall in water, etc.
Always takes me a minute to come back to myself after such a dream.
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Old 01-15-2019, 08:15 AM   #9 (permalink)
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That's a tough one BD, sorry it hit you so hard. The thing I always fall back on when something horrible like this comes up is that even though it's a horrible disease, I have the choice to stay sober today. And that choice is one less opportunity for addiction to claim yet another victim.
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Old 01-16-2019, 08:01 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I'm ok now, but I hate that kinda stuff. Honestly, I don't want to dream about old friends anymore. I used to...I used to think it was them visiting me too. Maybe it is them visiting...but if it is, I don't want them to anymore. It's too painful. I work very hard to leave my past behind me, and when it creeps back, it usually scares the s#it out of me. However much I loved my friends, my past is a very very dark place that I do not wish to revisit...even if it is loved ones.

I've been in a bit of a funk since this happened. I'll get past it, I just gotta re-center myself. It's just been hard to do when I have a house full of people and nowhere to run.

It's progress I guess. I went from everyone wishing I was out of their lives to being bombarded with family. I'm not complaining....not even a little bit. It is truly a blessing.

I just gotta figure out how to recenter myself. It might be that this is the anniversary anxiety that hits every year...I dunno. I'll figure it out though.

Thanks everyone for the kind words. Normally I'd try to respond to each of you, but I'm exhausted and a bit scatterbrained at the moment. I did hear everyone though...so thanks again to all who responded. I love you guys.
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Old 01-19-2019, 05:53 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Be well, Bulldog.
Right now I am focusing on the fact that the days are getting longer.
That cheers me immensely.
It's the little things.
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Old 01-19-2019, 09:19 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BullDog777 View Post
I'm ok now, but I hate that kinda stuff. Honestly, I don't want to dream about old friends anymore. I used to...I used to think it was them visiting me too. Maybe it is them visiting...but if it is, I don't want them to anymore. It's too painful. I work very hard to leave my past behind me, and when it creeps back, it usually scares the s#it out of me. However much I loved my friends, my past is a very very dark place that I do not wish to revisit...even if it is loved ones.

I've been in a bit of a funk since this happened. I'll get past it, I just gotta re-center myself. It's just been hard to do when I have a house full of people and nowhere to run.

It's progress I guess. I went from everyone wishing I was out of their lives to being bombarded with family. I'm not complaining....not even a little bit. It is truly a blessing.

I just gotta figure out how to recenter myself. It might be that this is the anniversary anxiety that hits every year...I dunno. I'll figure it out though.

Thanks everyone for the kind words. Normally I'd try to respond to each of you, but I'm exhausted and a bit scatterbrained at the moment. I did hear everyone though...so thanks again to all who responded. I love you guys.

We love you too, bulldog!

If your friend was a good one, maybe he was in your dream so you could remember this....”we were catching up and hanging out and having a blast.”

I had so much pain and anxiety last night I couldn’t breathe. I was afraid to sleep because I knew I’d wake up and my dad would still be gone. But in the night, when I was sleeping, I’d wake up because my husband snores or I needed to turn over and I kept getting this immensely relaxed feeling, and I was dreaming about piles of blankets, or staring into the trees, or just being, and nothing else. It was like the feeling I used to get when I would curl up on my dad’s chest as a small girl. Nothing ever made me feel so safe. And when I was a teenager, he was my only haven. I went to him with everything. He was always there for me. Even though I went to sleep in a bottomless pit, when I was sleeping he was still there.

There’s a reason you dreamed about biking through a mining town and laughing and having such a good time with your friend, and you can call it a visitation, but I think it’s more of a dream manifestation of just how important that person was to you, regardless how he died.

Isn’t that the whole point....not hanging on to people and collecting them, but loving them so much it hurts.

This post is as much for me as it is for you, but I think the grief is the same, friend.
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Old 01-20-2019, 07:11 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for your loss. When I get those dreams, I see them as visits with a friend and I try to embrace the fond memories and the short visit. He's watching over you as an angel....
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