Many years ago I was drunk; Then I sobered up and did that for a long time; Now I'm drunk
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Many years ago I was drunk; Then I sobered up and did that for a long time; Now I'm drunk
So I've been a drunk most of my adult life. My parents didn't help me much with any of this nonsense. My 20's were a mess, until I got a DUI when I turned 30.
I was lucky, i started to get my mind right, put stuff together, and be a better member in society. Regardless of how drunk I can get, I'm pretty productive.
My account name is Sherman32. I was 32 when I joined this forum and I had been sober for a while. I was sober for a few years afterwards.
Unfortunately, a girl got to me, and while I can blame that on her, it was me that decided to start drinking again. Luckily, all the years of sobriety before this helped me not be as crazy and indecent of a drunk as I was before. It helped me become a better person.
So I had fallen. But I was lucky as a result. I found the love of my life. It took 5 years, and I married her happily. She is one of the greatest people I've ever met - I'm so damn lucky.
The problem is, I'm slowly turning into a terrible drunk again. And at this point, I'd say I'm far worse than I have ever been. Hell, look at this:
- My dad was very abusive - and a very mean drunk - and he had me at 26.
- My stepdad was not physically abusive - but a very mean drunk verbally - that was when I turned 11.
So, While I know I cause my wife problems, at least I don't cause any of those. And she appreciates it.
But, I'm lucky I have my wife, and I don't want to lose her. Unfortunately, I've sort of lost the 'easy to quit drinking mentality' that I had back in 2009.
What are your thoughts? Thank you SR!
I was lucky, i started to get my mind right, put stuff together, and be a better member in society. Regardless of how drunk I can get, I'm pretty productive.
My account name is Sherman32. I was 32 when I joined this forum and I had been sober for a while. I was sober for a few years afterwards.
Unfortunately, a girl got to me, and while I can blame that on her, it was me that decided to start drinking again. Luckily, all the years of sobriety before this helped me not be as crazy and indecent of a drunk as I was before. It helped me become a better person.
So I had fallen. But I was lucky as a result. I found the love of my life. It took 5 years, and I married her happily. She is one of the greatest people I've ever met - I'm so damn lucky.
The problem is, I'm slowly turning into a terrible drunk again. And at this point, I'd say I'm far worse than I have ever been. Hell, look at this:
- My dad was very abusive - and a very mean drunk - and he had me at 26.
- My stepdad was not physically abusive - but a very mean drunk verbally - that was when I turned 11.
So, While I know I cause my wife problems, at least I don't cause any of those. And she appreciates it.
But, I'm lucky I have my wife, and I don't want to lose her. Unfortunately, I've sort of lost the 'easy to quit drinking mentality' that I had back in 2009.
What are your thoughts? Thank you SR!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome back Sherman 
My thoughts? it's never too late to quit - it may be more difficult this time as addiction is a progressive thing, but still not impossible.
If you're prepared to do whatever it takes - whatever that might be for you - you'll do well.
I'm sorry for the rough things in your past but I hope it will not seem cold for me to say you have to put those things in your past aside now, and decide what you want the rest of your life to look like
D
My thoughts? it's never too late to quit - it may be more difficult this time as addiction is a progressive thing, but still not impossible.
If you're prepared to do whatever it takes - whatever that might be for you - you'll do well.
I'm sorry for the rough things in your past but I hope it will not seem cold for me to say you have to put those things in your past aside now, and decide what you want the rest of your life to look like
D
Last edited by Dee74; 11-12-2018 at 01:26 AM. Reason: typo
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Sobriety, permanent lasting sobriety is a individual responsibility.
Whilst others may share their experience, strength and hope with you, sobriety is an individual responsibility...
'What happened to you may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility to think about it,' - William Knauss one of the pioneers of Cognitive Behaviour.
I didn't ask to suffer from alcoholism, the only respite from which is abstinence. The responsibility for which is mine! No one else, in my past, present or future has that honour...you might want to think about that, others have nothing to do with it...
'What happened to you may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility to think about it,' - William Knauss one of the pioneers of Cognitive Behaviour.
I didn't ask to suffer from alcoholism, the only respite from which is abstinence. The responsibility for which is mine! No one else, in my past, present or future has that honour...you might want to think about that, others have nothing to do with it...
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sherman32 
But, I'm lucky I have my wife, and I don't want to lose her. Unfortunately, I've sort of lost the 'easy to quit drinking mentality' that I had back in 2009.
What are your thoughts? Thank you SR!
What are your thoughts? Thank you SR!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I find my abusive parents in the past have lead to in part why my brain is wired how it is and played a role in why i drank.
now that i'm sober I also struggle with how to get my heard wired diff so I dont feels so inclined to drink at least in regard to this aspect of things (IE head being wired messy from my past)
But removing drinking form the list of my problems was very helpful and removed ions of otehr problems I had.
getting better takes time is all and work. Many of us our problems are not limited to just drinking. But removing the drinking generally starts to help us fix many other issues just takes time.
now that i'm sober I also struggle with how to get my heard wired diff so I dont feels so inclined to drink at least in regard to this aspect of things (IE head being wired messy from my past)
But removing drinking form the list of my problems was very helpful and removed ions of otehr problems I had.
getting better takes time is all and work. Many of us our problems are not limited to just drinking. But removing the drinking generally starts to help us fix many other issues just takes time.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
It sounds like it's time to finally get and stay sober, sherman.
We're glad you're here.
You certainly have some real blessings in your life.
Why risk them or diminish your appreciation of them so you can stay drunk (which in my case, meant staying miserable)?
Why not make a turn for the better and live the truly good life?
We're glad you're here.
You certainly have some real blessings in your life.
Why risk them or diminish your appreciation of them so you can stay drunk (which in my case, meant staying miserable)?
Why not make a turn for the better and live the truly good life?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 44
First of all, I want to thank all of you! I really appreciate the positive feedback that I'm not a terrible person, and that I can fix this. I will fix this. The question is when?
I'm working on it now. While my mom has been all over my ass about coming home for thanksgiving (mom don't drink), her husband has been a terrible ***** to me when i was a kid (and still drinks like a fish). I've tried like hell to reconcile this (i'm 39), but he still just treats me like I'm next to nothing. When i was younger, he would constantly call me things like *****, *******, lazy, fat, idiot, stupid. A whole host of things. I did graduate high school with pretty good grades and a pretty good support system from the school.
I'm a successful business man these days. However, I still fall ill to my thoughts from 20 years ago, and stupid drinking. My mom pushes me hard to come home and be with my step-sisters durning thansgiving (which they have probably 2 or 3 times - and only recently). She calls them family - even at 11 - I didn't accept them in because they were entitled and other things.
I have a hill to climb. I appreciate you all helping me out. And I've been terribly honest online about whats going on. I'm in a tough situation. 10 years ago I did it so much better. Now I'm even better because I have my wife - who is very tolerant, but I'm even worse off because I can't get this back to somewhat normal.
Thank you guys for everything - I really appreciate it!
I'm working on it now. While my mom has been all over my ass about coming home for thanksgiving (mom don't drink), her husband has been a terrible ***** to me when i was a kid (and still drinks like a fish). I've tried like hell to reconcile this (i'm 39), but he still just treats me like I'm next to nothing. When i was younger, he would constantly call me things like *****, *******, lazy, fat, idiot, stupid. A whole host of things. I did graduate high school with pretty good grades and a pretty good support system from the school.
I'm a successful business man these days. However, I still fall ill to my thoughts from 20 years ago, and stupid drinking. My mom pushes me hard to come home and be with my step-sisters durning thansgiving (which they have probably 2 or 3 times - and only recently). She calls them family - even at 11 - I didn't accept them in because they were entitled and other things.
I have a hill to climb. I appreciate you all helping me out. And I've been terribly honest online about whats going on. I'm in a tough situation. 10 years ago I did it so much better. Now I'm even better because I have my wife - who is very tolerant, but I'm even worse off because I can't get this back to somewhat normal.
Thank you guys for everything - I really appreciate it!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi and welcome back Sherman
My thoughts? it's never too late to quit - it may be more difficult this time as addiction is a progressive thing, but still not impossible.
If you're prepared to do whatever it takes - whatever that might be for you - you'll do well.
I'm sorry for the rough things in your past but I hope it will not seem cold for me to say you have to put those things in your past aside now, and decide what you want the rest of your life to look like
D
My thoughts? it's never too late to quit - it may be more difficult this time as addiction is a progressive thing, but still not impossible.
If you're prepared to do whatever it takes - whatever that might be for you - you'll do well.
I'm sorry for the rough things in your past but I hope it will not seem cold for me to say you have to put those things in your past aside now, and decide what you want the rest of your life to look like
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 44
The holidays are the worst for me. They have been for almost 20 years. I never want to go home to my mom and step dad- however I am always ok with going home to my mom. She is one of the best person I've ever known.
I struggle right now. Hard. My grandma used to have a very cool home when I was a kid and plenty of opporunities for me to play trucks. I loved that. She passed away a year go and I own the property now. Guess I could go play trucks at her place.....
The thing was, I'm probably searching for alcoholic answer, but I just can't quit feeling so stupid about myself. I'm hurting mentally. I think all of us do at some point. I keep thinking back to my stepdad and how I'm a terrible person.
That background noise in my brain always says "I'm an *******, a terrible person, useless." How the hell does that happen? I hate it.
Thank you SR for letting me vent. Have a great night!
I struggle right now. Hard. My grandma used to have a very cool home when I was a kid and plenty of opporunities for me to play trucks. I loved that. She passed away a year go and I own the property now. Guess I could go play trucks at her place.....
The thing was, I'm probably searching for alcoholic answer, but I just can't quit feeling so stupid about myself. I'm hurting mentally. I think all of us do at some point. I keep thinking back to my stepdad and how I'm a terrible person.
That background noise in my brain always says "I'm an *******, a terrible person, useless." How the hell does that happen? I hate it.
Thank you SR for letting me vent. Have a great night!
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,340
There is no rule that says you have to be around people that make you feel terrible . I hear the predicament that your in that you don’t want to disrespect your mom by saying that you don’t wanna be around her husband .
I’m not sure how far away they live, but is there anyway you can just tell your mom you’re going to have Thanksgiving with your wife this year and perhaps she can come out and have dinner with you at some point in the weeks following?
Maybe just have a date with your mom for a weekend with your mom on your own. It might be rejuvenating for both of you .
I have totally avoided being near very annoying people since I have become sober this spring . I have been around people who drink, but they are not mean to me because I could not tolerate that.
Seems Since I think clearer without alcohol, the more I am inclined to clearly think about what I will tolerate in my life anymore and what I won’t.
So far that list includes no alcohol in my body, and no mean people because they suck .
Holidays are very tough for me as well. Absolutely terrible childhood and being a ward of the state and was in a foster home where I was being sexually abused. I also had a brother who killed himself on Christmas Eve —-so for many years, Christmas Eve was a very solemn and reflectful evening .
I could blame my drinking addiction on my childhood and the many losses I’ve had in my life, but I can’t because I caused it.
Alcohol only made my anxiety and my depression worse, and any decisions in my life much more difficult to make
Welcome!
I’m not sure how far away they live, but is there anyway you can just tell your mom you’re going to have Thanksgiving with your wife this year and perhaps she can come out and have dinner with you at some point in the weeks following?
Maybe just have a date with your mom for a weekend with your mom on your own. It might be rejuvenating for both of you .
I have totally avoided being near very annoying people since I have become sober this spring . I have been around people who drink, but they are not mean to me because I could not tolerate that.
Seems Since I think clearer without alcohol, the more I am inclined to clearly think about what I will tolerate in my life anymore and what I won’t.
So far that list includes no alcohol in my body, and no mean people because they suck .
Holidays are very tough for me as well. Absolutely terrible childhood and being a ward of the state and was in a foster home where I was being sexually abused. I also had a brother who killed himself on Christmas Eve —-so for many years, Christmas Eve was a very solemn and reflectful evening .
I could blame my drinking addiction on my childhood and the many losses I’ve had in my life, but I can’t because I caused it.
Alcohol only made my anxiety and my depression worse, and any decisions in my life much more difficult to make
Welcome!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by Free2bme888
There is no rule that says you have to be around people that make you feel terrible . I hear the predicament that your in that you don’t want to disrespect your mom by saying that you don’t wanna be around her husband .
I’m not sure how far away they live, but is there anyway you can just tell your mom you’re going to have Thanksgiving with your wife this year and perhaps she can come out and have dinner with you at some point in the weeks following?
Maybe just have a date with your mom for a weekend with your mom on your own. It might be rejuvenating for both of you .
I have totally avoided being near very annoying people since I have become sober this spring . I have been around people who drink, but they are not mean to me because I could not tolerate that.
Seems Since I think clearer without alcohol, the more I am inclined to clearly think about what I will tolerate in my life anymore and what I won’t.
So far that list includes no alcohol in my body, and no mean people because they suck .
Holidays are very tough for me as well. Absolutely terrible childhood and being a ward of the state and was in a foster home where I was being sexually abused. I also had a brother who killed himself on Christmas Eve —-so for many years, Christmas Eve was a very solemn and reflectful evening .
I could blame my drinking addiction on my childhood and the many losses I’ve had in my life, but I can’t because I caused it.
Alcohol only made my anxiety and my depression worse, and any decisions in my life much more difficult to make
Welcome!
I’m not sure how far away they live, but is there anyway you can just tell your mom you’re going to have Thanksgiving with your wife this year and perhaps she can come out and have dinner with you at some point in the weeks following?
Maybe just have a date with your mom for a weekend with your mom on your own. It might be rejuvenating for both of you .
I have totally avoided being near very annoying people since I have become sober this spring . I have been around people who drink, but they are not mean to me because I could not tolerate that.
Seems Since I think clearer without alcohol, the more I am inclined to clearly think about what I will tolerate in my life anymore and what I won’t.
So far that list includes no alcohol in my body, and no mean people because they suck .
Holidays are very tough for me as well. Absolutely terrible childhood and being a ward of the state and was in a foster home where I was being sexually abused. I also had a brother who killed himself on Christmas Eve —-so for many years, Christmas Eve was a very solemn and reflectful evening .
I could blame my drinking addiction on my childhood and the many losses I’ve had in my life, but I can’t because I caused it.
Alcohol only made my anxiety and my depression worse, and any decisions in my life much more difficult to make
Welcome!
Thank you. My mom might be the greatest person that ever lived. Her decisions in men over these last (nearly 40 years) are probably the worst. I love her. She can guilt me though. I need her to stop doing that. And for the most part she has. Her husband (my step father) has cancer now. She does remind me of that pretty frequently. It just sucks - my wife is a psychologist and social worker - she knows alot of ****, but its always troublesome to bring this stuff into the occassion because she always supports me. I need to focus on the problems and fixing them. And I'm wrong many times - and that is important too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by SoberCAH
It sounds like it's time to finally get and stay sober, sherman.
Why risk them or diminish your appreciation of them so you can stay drunk (which in my case, meant staying miserable)?
Why not make a turn for the better and live the truly good life?
Why risk them or diminish your appreciation of them so you can stay drunk (which in my case, meant staying miserable)?
Why not make a turn for the better and live the truly good life?
Why is this so tough? Why does alcohol make me fall so damned much. I hate it. But I love it. What the hell?
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
Just my two cents.... I don’t think that you ever have to be around people who are abusive and those who love you should appreciate that. IF this is a trigger for your drinking, all the more reason to avoid it. You and your health come first
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by sherman32
So I've been a drunk most of my adult life. My parents didn't help me much with any of this nonsense. My 20's were a mess, until I got a DUI when I turned 30.
I was lucky, i started to get my mind right, put stuff together, and be a better member in society. Regardless of how drunk I can get, I'm pretty productive.
My account name is Sherman32. I was 32 when I joined this forum and I had been sober for a while. I was sober for a few years afterwards.
Unfortunately, a girl got to me, and while I can blame that on her, it was me that decided to start drinking again. Luckily, all the years of sobriety before this helped me not be as crazy and indecent of a drunk as I was before. It helped me become a better person.
So I had fallen. But I was lucky as a result. I found the love of my life. It took 5 years, and I married her happily. She is one of the greatest people I've ever met - I'm so damn lucky.
The problem is, I'm slowly turning into a terrible drunk again. And at this point, I'd say I'm far worse than I have ever been. Hell, look at this:
- My dad was very abusive - and a very mean drunk - and he had me at 26.
- My stepdad was not physically abusive - but a very mean drunk verbally - that was when I turned 11.
So, While I know I cause my wife problems, at least I don't cause any of those. And she appreciates it.
But, I'm lucky I have my wife, and I don't want to lose her. Unfortunately, I've sort of lost the 'easy to quit drinking mentality' that I had back in 2009.
What are your thoughts? Thank you SR!
I was lucky, i started to get my mind right, put stuff together, and be a better member in society. Regardless of how drunk I can get, I'm pretty productive.
My account name is Sherman32. I was 32 when I joined this forum and I had been sober for a while. I was sober for a few years afterwards.
Unfortunately, a girl got to me, and while I can blame that on her, it was me that decided to start drinking again. Luckily, all the years of sobriety before this helped me not be as crazy and indecent of a drunk as I was before. It helped me become a better person.
So I had fallen. But I was lucky as a result. I found the love of my life. It took 5 years, and I married her happily. She is one of the greatest people I've ever met - I'm so damn lucky.
The problem is, I'm slowly turning into a terrible drunk again. And at this point, I'd say I'm far worse than I have ever been. Hell, look at this:
- My dad was very abusive - and a very mean drunk - and he had me at 26.
- My stepdad was not physically abusive - but a very mean drunk verbally - that was when I turned 11.
So, While I know I cause my wife problems, at least I don't cause any of those. And she appreciates it.
But, I'm lucky I have my wife, and I don't want to lose her. Unfortunately, I've sort of lost the 'easy to quit drinking mentality' that I had back in 2009.
What are your thoughts? Thank you SR!
Perhaps consider attending a few AA meetings or another recovery program.
Reasons why you started drinking again are irrelevant .
The question is what steps do you plan to take and put an end to the drinking ?
Posting on this forum is a good start but you may need additional support .
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Originally Posted by sherman32
It's not cold. Thank you. I just need to fix this. And that is not easy, its such an ugly thing to fix. I'm not sure I can do it though. I need to find my strength - I need to be mentally tough.
After a string of those sober days behind you you'll be in a fair better place to understand and work out how to start to fix the other stuff
D
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