Lpg

The other night I went out to visit my brother and was out quite late so my partner went to his bed before I got home.

The next morning I asked him if he slept okay, usual morning chatter...he said he couldn't sleep until he knew I was home, and revealed its a mental effect of my drinking days when he would lay in bed worried about what was going to walk through the door at any time and what state I would be in.
Jeez that has truly broke my heart to hear that, i was so selfish to not realise the impact it had on him.
I'm so glad that's behind us today and pray we never revisit those times. I feel I need to make it up to him in someway.

Lpg

dwtbd

Putting the bottle down and walking away for good means you can guarantee to never put him through that again.
We can apologize for our pasts and validate the feelings of those we injured, but 'making up for ' kind of isn't something possible to do , given the the wa the 'past' works, yeah ?
Great news is we can control the future

Don't let your AV grab any associated guilt as ammo and use your past actions as proof that you are not worthy or able to be and control the future You , you want.

And be wary that It will use both sides of your partner's past actions to manipulate. Guilt is an obvious almost first go to, but It may try the tack of assuring that since he has stuck by you in the past a 'slip' either minor or major can/will be tolerated.

Stick to your guns, and don't help your AV load up any ammo, you got this

Lpg

Yeah dwtbd your right about putting it down for good for sure. It's weird I do feel huge guilt although it's not sending my av into meltdown strangely, I thought it would it's just making me feel really sad about the hurt I caused and I want to be sure to never cause that again.
It was 9 months since my last drink but the damage from it is still there for him, hopefully over time he will recover too.

Its good in a way because I'm learning to think about other people's feeling rather than just my own.

ScottFromWI

Be careful with that thought LPG. It's certainly a good thing that you are seeing outside your own world and how your drinking affects others, no question there at all. However, we can only control our own actions. The best way you can "make it up" to anyone is to not drink, right? What's done is done, and actions speak far clearer than apologies. Doing all the things you are doing - seeing an addition counselor, working on your recovery, making yourself a better person - that's exactly what you do to make it up. Keep at it and you'll be amazed at how far you can go.

FireSprite

Every day that you don't repeat those old patterns of behavior, you ARE making it up in the BEST ways. To me, this is what living amends are - truly changed behavior. As a F&F member I promise you, this is all we really want - not special one-time gifts or amends.

The fact that it matters to you now & that you continue to stay sober & committed to your sobriety/recovery is enough.

Gottalife

It wasn’t till I went to make amends to my ex fiancé that I discovered how much harm I had done. I had really screwed things between me and her, her and her family, and her and herself. The setting for my amends was with her whole family present. I really had no idea how much harm I had done, but the amazing thing was, apart from my own healing, the tremendous healing that went on with her and her family. She had gone all that time thinking my behaviour was somehow her fault, and her family had been quite judgemental about it too. For all of them to find out the truth was a very freeing experience for all of us, and there was a good deal of reconciliation and restoration of trust all round.

I can see how stupid and selfish it would have been for me to just try and suppress it all and walk away. I am so glad I was able to do something to straighten out that part of my past.

The goal was never to get back together, but the result was that she was able to resume a normal life, meet a nice man and have a happy life free of the baggage I might have left her with.