Justme8

At what point do I get it. I went on a date. And I had no intentions of drinking. I really like this person and of course I started drinking told myself I was only going to be too I can’t believe how much I drink and how much of a fool I made myself. He ended up leaving me in a hotel so that way I wouldn’t drive and he kept me safe. But the next day he told me that he couldn’t believe what he saw and that he was shocked. Of course I apologized. And I will no longer see him. I am devastated and embarrassed. Not because it didn’t work out because once again I’m on this roller coaster that I can’t seem to get off. I feel so weak I feel like a loser I feel like what’s the point I’m just gonna be this loser. Worthless and I’m tired of trying to prove to myself I handle the alcohol. I cringe to think of the things I don’t remember. I’m disgusted with myself. I’m just like my father everything I said I would never be. I want to curl up and hide. The hungover anxiety really messes me up. I need any feedback. How do we live with so much shame. How do I not feel like a worthless piece of crap. I’m so tired of being tired.

2ndhandrose

For me, I had to accept that I could not drink normally and I never would be able to. I had to quit. Give it up 100%. For good.

I used to feel exactly as you described. It is a horrible way to live. You don't have to live like this anymore.

I hope you will give yourself a chance to NOT feel like a worthless piece of crap by committing to a sober life.

doggonecarl

I imagine so. So are you willing to quit trying and accept never drinking again?

least

You're not worthless. Lost, yes, but still have worth. First thing to do is stop drinking. One day, one hour at a time. Your thinking will improve with time and you won't be angry at yourself all the time.

Hevyn

Justme - It does absolutely no good to shame yourself & make things even worse. You made a mistake - none of us sets out to sabotage ourselves. I did it countless times - and reliving the embarrassing stuff often sent me right back to drinking. Get your head clear - keep reading and posting here - be determined to never allow it to take over your life again.

You're not a worthless loser. You're a person who is about to begin a new and better life. We're here to help.

NYCDoglvr

I call myself an alcoholic because once I pick up a drink I can't stop. I have no control over the quantity and what happens; most often I'm in a blackout. It isn't weakness, it's being an alcoholic. If you want to control it the only way is to stop drinking one day at a time.

fini

understanding and accepting deep down that i could NOT "handle" alcohol was my turning point. that knowledge made recovering possible for me.

sounds like you might be in that spot?

the shame lessens with time, and depending on how you choose to go forward, you can take some remedial actions after you are on a bit more solid footing, if ou so decide.

Stayingsassy

Use the embarrassment to quit.

Can't tell you the relieved and relaxed feeling I had deep in my gut when I knew I'd never embarrass myself like that again: because from my first sober day forward, I'd have all my faculties and awareness intact.

I am still gleeful about that part of sobriety. Dignity. There is nothing more beautiful than that!

BullDog777

I think that everyone who is here has felt like you have. I know I did. I felt very hopeless at times and that was the worst feeling for me.

If you want a better life, it all starts with the decision to put down the bottle and do whatever it takes to keep it down.

There is a lot of truth in "one day at a time"

It took me years and years to be as far gone as I was, and getting well wasn't an over night process. It took a lot of hard work to get through the bad and get to the good.

My best advise...get medical help to detox. Then get yourself whatever professional help you can afford. Be it therapy of just AA (which is free)

Nobody can do it alone. So afford yourself to this place and or AA and get rooted in a solid foundation and the sky won't even be the limit for your potential.

This journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step for everyone.

Justme8

Thank you very much.i needed to hear your feedback!❤️

fini

how are you today, Justme?

Justme8

Thank you for asking. One day at a time. Still a little sad. But feeling much better. ❤️

Briansy

There are certain things about sobriety that I find less than appealing but this, hanging on to dignity and building self esteem - and knowing I won't feel that horrible shame and embarrassment as long as I don't drink - that is a big thing pushing me on in my early days of recovery that I'm currently in.

NYCDoglvr

As long as I kept focused on not drinking TODAY, the easier it got. I can do that, but I could never pledge to not drink again. How can I know that? So far it's about 9,000 days and a life beyond my wildest dreams. Lots of problems, it comes with life, but today I have work, people I love who love me and self-respect. A big hug!

Dee74

glad you're feeling a little better justme

D

Berrybean

Glad you're feeling a bit better. Perhaps it's time to add some more things into your sobriety plan? Posting here daily helps a lot of us, so that could be one suggestion.

What does your current sobriety plan look like?

BB

PhoenixJ

Just4me- you are not alone. Post here a LOT! Especially when you do not want to. Join some threads- get involved.
Support and prayers to you.