JIVJI

Hey guys, first time here and almost whole month without alcohol! I`m feeling pretty great except the anxiety. But lately I have those depressive thoughts about the past how I insulted and hurt people (especially my parents) and thoughts about what I missed the past 5 or so years. And the really strange thing is everybody is giving me courage and support and in my mind it seems like everybody else just forgave me about everything stupid I said or done except myself! I don`t know maybe it is response of the brain so it can trick me into booze again. So my question is how do I respond to those thoughts do I fight them or just accept them .. every kind of advice is appritiated!

P.S. - Sorry about the bad English (lately instead of learning I was drinking ), Greetings from Bulgaria!

Porcetta

You can't change the past

Try and use that energy on moving forward.

Gottalife

My experience is, with the right plan of action and support, we can do a great deal to repair the damage of the past. In fact, if we try to supress it, we are very likely to drink again. Many hurts can be healed, many wrongs righted, and debts can be repaid.

There is a process, and motives are vitally important. The primary reason for cleaning up out mess is to make others feel better. It is never done to make ourselves feel better, even thought that is the usual side benefit.

Goin through the process of understanding and identifying out problem, putting a solution into effect, taking a good look at ourselves and our short comings, making amneds where people have been hurt, and living our lives in such a way that old behaviours will not be repeated, wellll... once you get through that list, there is nothing left to forgive. You will be free.

PhoenixJ

I see a psychologist/counsellor and use CBT to change my thoughts/behaviours and emotions. It is hard work, but worthwhile

Ladysadie

Giving grace and kindness are two very powerful tools that can help you overcome your anxiety. Go hang out with your folks for a Sunday afternoon, take them some treat. Enjoy their stories. Our parents usually delight in our time, particularly when we are busy. One day they won't be there. I'd give anything for one more day with mine. Just a thought. The action might feel awkward at first. it takes nothing away but gives you everything back in return.

D122y

Jv,

The anxiety, obsessive thoughts, etc. Are all brain damage that will heal..rewire....in time. It takes years of sober living.

That is why folks relapse. They don't understand the length of time it takes for things to settle down in our minds.

Thanks.

tomsteve

So my question is how do I respond to those thoughts do I fight them or just accept them .. every kind of advice is appritiated!

has fighting them worked in the past? were you able to keep them stuffed far down inside so they never surface again? have youy been able to keep the past in the past?
what about in the future when someone happens to mention past misadventures of yours- are you going to be ok with just keep the past in the past?

or

you can look at it all and learn from it. you can learn what needs to be changed to make a better you. then you can go to those people, tell them what you did, why you did it, what you should have done instead, and what youve done to correct it.
you can be free from the past never haunting you again.

ScottFromWI

Welcome JIVJI and congrats on a month sober. Having those kinds of thoughts and regrets is almost universal. It's natural for us to feel shame/regret for things that we've done to harm others or ourselves. But they can also become an obsession and hold us back from moving forward in our recovery. One of the hardest things we need to learn in our sobriety is patience. As addicts we have a desire for instant gratification - and that carries forward into our lives even after we remove the sustances we abused. A month sober is great, but it's a very short amount of time in the grand scheme of thigns - it took me at least a full year to start getting my mental health back in order.

If the thoughts become obsessive enough that they are affecting your daily life, seeing a mental health professional is a great idea. You can learn techniques ( many mentioned above ) to help "re-wire" your brain to a healthier thinking process.

Hevyn

Hello JIVJI - I'm so glad you're here.

I started to sabotage myself with negative thoughts & remorse. I drank 30 yrs., so you can imagine what a history of bad behavior I had. I found that the guilt & regret almost led me back to drinking. I tried to accept the fact that the drinking me was nothing like the sober me - I literally became a different person when drunk. I didn't want to forget what alcohol did to me - but I couldn't allow myself to dwell in the past. After a few months I found the negative thoughts became less & less. Be patient with yourself - the fallout from those miserable drinking days will fade away as your new life takes over.

Gottalife

Everyone has different values. What might be a very bad thing for me to do, might be trivial to you, and vice versa. It is the betrayal of our values that has the biggest effect. Alcoholism took me to some dark places. My behaviour deteriorated faster than I could lower my standards. That came be a recipe for incredible lonliness and shame.

I came to AA packed with misery. There I found kind understanding people who really seemed to care about me. But..." our stories disclose in a general way what we were like....." I heard and related to the general stuff, but never heard the specific bad things I did, the stuff that kept me awake at night. Thhus I found mysefl in a room full of caring people, feeling totally alone, believing I must be the worst person ever to come to AA and if they knew what I was really like, they would kick me out.

Through working the steps with a recovered alcoholic I found this wasn't the case at all. My stuff was typical alcoholic stuf, just not appropriate for sharing in a meeting. In addition, I discovered how even the darkest parts of my past could be turned into assets that could be used to help others, just as my sponsor did with me. As promised I now do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. I have cleaned up what I can, I can now see how my experience can help others, not matter how far down the scale I went.

Dee74

Hi and welcome JIVJI

The longer I'm in recovery the more I focus on the new day. I try to live as many days as I can to the full and doing the right thing

D

Stayingsassy

Thinking too much in the beginning tends to lead to drinking. Your mind is still under the influence of alcohol, so Many of the thoughts that come up are directed by this. Bad feelings like guilt, shame, low self worth, resentment all can lead back to drinking.

Do not think of yourself this way. Refuse to. Think of every completely sober moment as a success. You are a success because you are sober today and your sobriety will lead you to act in ways that are the opposite of how you treated everyone in the past. Your sobriety is how you reward and pay your family back.

Don't think right now. Watch netflix, eat good stuff, swim and take walks, do some light shopping, do whatever but do it with a smile and just refuse to let yourself feel guilty.

You can address all of it later. Not now.