Quit290117

I drank last night. I seem to be going 4 to 5 weeks start feeling good, stop reading here and then I get this rush and think I’m ok I can drink I will control it this time.

I know it’s got to stop now. Scared myself stupid today. I was convinced I had got a uber home but found out today I got the train and then a uber from the station. Can’t remember being on the train. Only reason I know all this is because of the Uber receipt email I received.

Also one year ago today was the start of over 5 months sober. Been feeling a bit gutted thinking I should have been celebrating a year.

I need to do this. I hate what it does to me. I needed to post this as I need to be on here daily posting honestly about what’s going on and I can’t start again if I’m on here pretending to be at week 5 or 6 knowing I have had a binge.

Thanks for reading just needed to get this off my chest.

least

I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

Upstairs

Thanks for posting. I hope this round goes better for you

Clarity51

I can completely relate to thinking that I can drink and not over do it. I've let myself believe that a million times and always fail. There may be a time or two when i manage to drink without drinking to oblivion but most the time I can't. I've only got 7 days sober today and it's been so hot out and I really thought of an ice cold beer and again, the thought that I could have just a few and stop came to mind! But I didn't give into it and it passed. Now I know I can enjoy my evening with a sweet iced tea and feel good in the morning. Getting sober is a process. I know because I went thru the process when i got off of meth 6 years ago. So just keep trying and never give up. That's why I'm doing, anyway. Hope you feel better soon!

Dee74

Welcome back Quit

any ideas yet on what you might do differently this time?

D

BullDog777

This is one part of the illness that can prove deadly. My last time out, i was only supposed to be out one weekend...it was almost 4 years.

These thoughts you have when you get better are part of this illness getting worse. Guys in AA used to tell me the disease would get worse every time i relapsed. I really never grasped that idea, completely.

They weren't just talking about the withdrawal...because sometimes it wouldn't be that bad. It was the fact that it got harder and harder to string together any real sobriety each time I went out. Each time, I lost a little more of myself.
I felt gutted too.

Good news is, you're still alive and here. Learn from this and do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober.

I'm glad you're back.

Hevyn

I'm really glad you're back with more determination.
In the end, my drinking was leading me into dangerous & unpredictable situations. The only way to stay safe was to never drink a drop. You can do this!

brandon85

Six years ago I promised myself that if at any time I thought "I could handle drinking after XX period of time sober", I was going to get on here and spend an hour reading before drinking. Basically I created a rule for myself that if I was at a point I was going to drink, I would spend an hour at soberrecovery.com, and then see how I felt about drinking. It's one of the tools that's kept me sober.

mnjen

I can totally relate!
I've been able to put together 4 -6 weeks sober, and then I "forget" that I can't control my drinking.

This is so true for me! I'm coming up on three weeks sober, and bam!! I wanted to drink today, and it was a struggle to say "NO".

PhoenixJ

SUPPORT offered

Quit290117

Thanks for all the replies and support. I feel gutted every time I write one of these relapse posts. It’s as if I have let everyone on here down who gave me good advice previously.

Anyway onwards and upwards. In response to Dee74 “what are you going to do different” I was on here last night just reading through old threads. Going to put a plan in place and make sure I just go for a run or read or do something every time I get a trigger. Just avoid it for that moment as I know it will pass. Sounds so easy!😂

Thanks everyone.

TheSoberDude

It’s frustrating, as I have been there far too many times as well. Every time we fail, we get stronger. You got this!

Stayingsassy

Hi quit.

Bulldog speaks the truth.

Honestly if you get a craving during sobriety that is a giant booming alarm.

This addiction is too sneaky, too deadly and too strong to trifle with cravings. I had to quit with the idea that I no longer craved and cement that idea every single day. I had ocd thoughts in other directions, I had periods where I felt terrible, I felt off, I felt lost, I felt alone. But I did not crave alcohol and I'll tell you, it's one and done with me with cravings. alcohol has done way too much chipping away at my frontal lobe over the years to manage cravings well.

so I figured out how not to crave.

do your day one and get there. It's not going to get better. Your drinking sounds like it's at that level where it needs to be done.