TheSoberDude

I find this topic interesting, as I'm very open with my recovery. I find it healing to tell people WHY I don't drink when asked, instead of just scuffing it off and making excuses. I guess that's what works for me, but I have noticed something in particular. A majority of the people I tell find it very encouraging, inspirational, courageous, and are very supportive.

Yet, I initially felt like I was going to be judged when I decided to be more open about my addiction. It has been the complete opposite, except with some folks I consider friends. Those who have the same problem, refuse to face or admit it, are the ones who give me the most crap. It's not total strangers, but people that are close to me. Misery loves company?

What are your experiences?

Ken33xx

People who knew me when I drank have never asked why I stopped. It was apparent to all I had a drinking problem.

I do not bring up the fact I am a member of AA and nobody has ever asked. Although once I was asked how long I have been sober.

Outside of the rooms of AA I prefer not to discuss my sobriety. I won't deny I'm in AA but I don't bring it up.

If anyone was to pester me about why I am not drinking I would just move away.

But the truth is most people don't care. They don't care anymore that I don't drink than I do the person who refuses a slice of cake.

It's just not important.

plop

I agree with Ken33xx. Most people don't care. And except for heavy drinkers no one has ever asked me why I don't drink or why I stopped drinking.

doggonecarl

I'm pretty open about my past addiction and drinking problems and my current recovery. Like you, I've found everyone supportive.

aasharon90

I feel like Im here on Earth and still alive
today for a reason. Living a recovery life
from addiction has given me a purpose
for living the life I have today.

If I don't pass it on, my own ESH - experiences,
strengths and hopes with others, whether in
their addiction or not, then how are they to know
about the true dangers of addiction and the
rewards of recovery.

I'm just one voice to spread my story
in order to help others and feel like
I have a responsibility to do so. Discretely tho.

SnazzyDresser

Human beings are judgmental by nature. We are all going to be judged by others no matter what. I remember how I used to get looks of pity and/or disgust from cashiers when they'd see me buying beer again and again.

But I generally deal with situations you described on a need to know basis. And everybody in the world doesn't need to know why I don't drink. In fact, pretty much nobody but me. And I'm fine with it!

August252015

I am completely transparent, though I judiciously share details of my drinking life depending on audience, and what is most useful for using my ESH (mainly those last two!) to benefit others.

In addition to being open about AA, I also run a restaurant industry recovery group that is not specifically AA nor NA - both so we can promote it because of the dire need for such help in our industry, and so we can help as many people as possible with an approach based in AA (all four of us on the board are dedicated Aa-ers, and I am the "baby" with only 27 mo and change of sobriety) with other solutions and resources at the ready.

My world is constructed of people trying to live their best lives, alcoholic or not. My worldview is grounded in my recovery and faith and those guide my actions, best as I can follow! I do sometimes forget that the average bear doesn't understand addiction, and am sometimes surprised at the things I take for granted about it, with the "basic" questions people ask. I also concur that people are either supportive- and I have been surprised at how far my "honest reach" goes with attraction not promotion of the life I have- or they don't care, or they sure knew I needed to quit drinking.

My life is better than I ever imagined. Sharing my joy is one of the great blessings I have. If others benefit from it, that's what matters, not anyone who doesn't get it or such.

Maudcat

Hi, SoberDude.
Welcome.
I was an at home drinker.
My closest friend and spouse were aware that I was drinking too much.
Don’t think work colleagues noticed. If they did, no one said anything.
Course, I had my list of excuses ready: allergies, sick building, didn’t get enough sleep, etc.
I smply said I wasn’t drinking anymore when we went out with friends. No one pressed me.
My spouse quit same time I did, though he didn’t have a problem, so we were a united front.
Fast forward 6 years. I don’t share that I don’t drink alcohol because I think people can have some wrong headed ideas about alcohol dependency/addiction and I am not going there.
Really, it’s no one’s business but mine.
But that’s me. Everyone does it differently.

zjw

I've stayed in the closet about it for the most part. I find when i do mention it to someone new they will sometimes utilize it as a pedastil to put themselves over me or look down there nose at me And ya know when i think about it some of those types had drinking problems of there own that they dont recognize i guess. Others are pretty supportive and think its cool and its probably in my head the whole I'm less then feeling.

But recently i posted up a pic of my 7 year chip and my before photo and after photo on instagram. I got the most ilkes on that post then all my otehr posts. That being said I guess for the most part its a good thing people find it encouraging.

If someone looks down there nose at me it does tend to rub me the wrong way but maybe its my problem for allowing it to get to me cause it seems like the overall general reaction is a positive one.

I'm still a bit of a frady cat about it tho and i'm not sure how vocal i'm going to be about it. The i do feel a bit of a push to be more vocal.

Fly N Buy

Many times I told those around me I quit. Then drank, again. It became part of my backdrop and lead to feelings of guilt and shame.

My experience now in longer term sobriety is I find people supportive, but I don't go into my story every time someone offers me a drink. I share my background when it might be helpful to another but otherwise it's simply a non-issue.

Carrying the message is important, yes. But I need to look at my motivations as to why I am doing this. I don't want to come off as trying to be the poster boy for sobriety as I am not .......just a run of mill drunk trudgin through.

Earth People do not understand alcoholism and many view recovery or a program as a the way of weakness. Why don't you just quit!? When in reality, recovery is the way of strength. The strongest people I know are those who have come out the other side of addiction. Just look around on this forum.

Glad you're here, friend. Welcome

Gottalife

Probably, people are making assessments all the time, each from their own perspective. People I made amends to might have been wondering a number of things.. Was I genuine? Had I really changed? Did AA really work? Could it be a solution for their own problems? Integrity? Honesty? This goes for others I have told over the years.

I don't shout from the rooftops, but on the other hand, how can I be of help to anyone if they don't know I am there? I have picked up a number of 12 step referrals in this way. But for me the most memorable came as a result of amends to an old employer.

The was this tradesman working for the firm I used to work for. He ran into the usual alcoholic problems and was wondering what he could do about it. Talking with a group of co workers, most of whom had known me, he wondered if AA might be his solution. I had been sober a number of years at this point, and had actually left this firm before I sobered up. However, it seems, they had been watching me. One of them said, of AA, "Well, it worked for Gottalife, and he was f'n bad.!

The guy went to AA and recovered. He told me this story on his 25 th sobriety birthday.

I guess people may react in different ways when they find out about my alcholism, but one thing many seem to do is watch to see how my journey goes. I never know who might be watching or who might be helped.

PhoenixJ

Varied
Some are very supportive, others not so- like one guy who thought the reason I had to pay for the ambulance ride that saved my life (booze, blackout burns, if not covered all ambulance trips cost 600-900) was because it was 'self inflicted'. At the end of the day I just have to feel comfortable in my own skin.

MyLittleHorsie

I have just said, I don't drink anymore. I quit drinking alcohol. I have only had it result in a conversation once or twice. I had a lot of unfounded anxiety about people caring. Nobody really does, except those who I would class as problem drinkers. They are the ones who ask more questions. Answers like, it was time to grow up, alcohol doesn't agree with me. Simply, had enough. Anything beyond that is my own business.

JeffreyAK

I simply say, I don't drink, and almost always that's enough. There are lots of people who don't drink, for all kinds of reasons, so it's hardly unusual, and I consider it a private medical issue. Once in a while someone asks why, and almost always it's someone who drinks a lot and didn't know me as a drinker - people who knew me at the end know the story, and people who knew me as a drinker before things got bad can probably guess how it turned out. In that case, I'll say something like, I used to drink but it turned into a problem so I stopped, which is exactly the truth without any embellishment. I can think of only one person who continued to take it further, but turned out he was also an ex-drunk who had his own story.

AtomicBlue

I went to my first wedding as a sober person last night. This was around people who hadn't seen the glory of my drinking problem. I had some anxiety about people asking me about not drinking or trying to get me to drink. I even prayed about it and that helped some. Well, not a single person asked me why I wasn't drinking or even seemed to care. I believe you guys now. I think I'm going to start worrying about this aspect less now.

Gottalife

There is this spritual axiom about having to give it away to keep it. A while back I was travelling through Indonesia in a fleet of yachts. I made quite a few friends, and got talking to some about my alcoholism. They were quite interested in some of the facts, like the phenomenon of craving, and they were also curious as to how I had recovered. This was all just friendly discussion, ad the conversation moved on to other things.

Towards the end of the rally we were in a bar in Malaysia. I had ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. When the drink arrived I gave it my usual cautious sniff and could not detect any alcohol. But, before I took a sip, one of my friends came over. He had been at the bar when they mixed my drink, and he was sure they had put some alcohol in it. We went and questioned the bar maid and sure enough, a double shot of vodka was in the drink.

It seems, as a direct result of me carrying the message to the genral community (giving it away) I got to keep it on this occasion.

ScottFromWI

When it comes to outward knowledge of my drinking/recovery, there's 3 categories I put people into.

Immediate family: All of them knew I was a drunk, so the fact that I've quit is of course a very positive thing

Old Drinking Friends: These are the ones that might have "judged" me or said thing to try to keep me drinking with them. There are a few that I still keep it touch with occasionally, but for the most part this is not a crowd I need to hang out with so what they "think" about my drinking is utterly irrelevant to me. Drinking alcohol was the only thing we had in common.

Everyone Else: I can honestly say that I've never once been asked by anyone outside of the first 2 groups above as to why I don't drink in my 5 and a half years sober. To most people, whether you drink or not is on the same level of importance as whether you eat broccoli or not. If i'm someplace where alcohol is being served, I just drink something else that's the end of it.

SoberCAH

I am squarely in the camp of those who are very open about their sobriety.

There is no right or wrong, though, it's just a personal choice.

I think that most people know that I am clean and sober.

I have been very active in my profession and its peer support / self-help program.

The reason I am so open is that it makes me very approachable when someone needs help (for themselves or for a loved one).

I don't advertise my sobriety, and when i turn down a drink at a function, i simply decline.

But when someone inquires, I let them know that I am a recovering alcoholic.

Through the miracle of sobriety (through God and AA in my case), in the eyes of a fair amount of people, I have gone from being the poster child of a helpless drunk to being someone who is sober and who can be a resource for help with respect to alcoholism-related issues.

I'm not bragging by any means, because i give the credit 100% to God and AA in that order.

My sobriety is a gift from God that i have tried to cultivate and preserve.

But a fair amount of people know that I am a good person to talk to about getting help or getting a loved one into treatment.

This is a great topic.

Thanks for starting the thread.

snitch

I love this thread

I am 7 weeks sober and in AA.

My immediate family and close friends know. I wouldn't advertise the fact that I am in AA but I am not afriad to admit either. A year ago when I first attended AA for a bit I balked even at calling myself an alcoholic and I wouldn't have wanted ANYONE to know I was attending AA meetings. My last binge took me to the darkest place I have ever been and nearly killed me and as this is a matter if life or death for me I am not really bothered now who knows I am in recovery as I am proud to be doing something about it and if anyone wants to judge me for it that is their problem not mine but if it helps someone think about their own drinking then that is a bonus.

Just want to share this... i have recently gone back on fb after a while off of it and there is a guy from my past who keeps messaging me (he is becoming a pain in the arse to be honest think this might be a block and delete soon lol) and yes I did use to be a huge party girl and all he keeps going on about is am I going out and getting pi#$ed etc and I said to him I had stopped drinking and he was like haha yeh right blah blah you'll be back on it (as if he knows me so well grrr) and I said actually I won't I am in AA.
Well that shut him up!!! Thanks AA 😂

SoberCAH

I spent most of the day yesterday getting a friend and client admitted into residential treatment.

The fact that I have been open to him about my sobriety created an important common thread in our relationship and permitted me to speak with him as a peer and fellow sufferer.

We're delighted you're here, Snitch.

We hope that you hang around and continue to share.