someday147

Hi all not sure how long its been since iv'e been on this. Have been battling several addictions for many years longest time sober was 10 weeks with the help of sr last year. My wife has recently left me and iv'e moved back in with my mum and can't stop drinking has been 14 days in a row. I suffer from anxiety and each day i get up the panic is so bad i feel i have no choice but to turn to it again. i started taking medication at the start of this year which was helping with anxiety but this has knocked me down hard. I miss her so much need help but am afraid to even leave the house unless i drink and then i just end up drunk again and worse panic the next day.

biminiblue

The way out of the panic is to put down the drink. I crossed that line, too - and no relief seems possible without drinking. The drink caused it, when I quit I was slowly able to dig out of all my issues.

Can you go to your doctor and tell him/her what is going on? All this becomes manageable when you have some continuous sober time. More than ten weeks. It still can get worse, but you don't have to let it.

Look for some help today, okay? We're here. Keep posting, if that helps.

NYCDoglvr

I agree........you need a doctor. Going to a detox and rehab would be a big help as well since they know how to treat active alcoholics. A big hug!

GotTheBlues

IME panic was really a direct consequence of extreme drinking. It's a vicious, vicious cycle when you start trying to treat symptoms with the very thing that is causing them. Quitting is really the only way.

I'm really sorry for your situation. Panic attacks are absolutely the worst, but the worst thing you can do for yourself is carry on drinking. The cycle just gets worse and worse and worse, faster and faster. Try to remember that, though it can be extremely unpleasant, panic is usually just an irrational/ uncontrollable flight or fight response. It is not dangerous in and of itself.

If you are posting here, you are probably getting ready to deal with this properly. A visit to the doctor and a serious discussion is probably a good idea. I found SSRIs great for blocking panic (not so good for other things, but they probably saved my life when I was in a terrible state).

Also: Don't make my mistake of fixing the anxiety through medication and saying "I'm cured! I can drink again." If you are anything like me, you should be avoiding alcohol, period. No shame in that - it's just doesn't agree with some people.

someday147

thanks very much for the replies guys. Yeah I think I did make that mistake with the ssris thought I was cured and could drink again. I have pushed very hard today and am close to being 1 day sober.

Mac4711

Agree with the other folks. It’s the drinking that causes the panic attacks, so putting down the drink will fix it.

Forward12

I also was a member of the one step forward, 5 steps back party. Drink to "calm things down", wake up to anxiety, drink again. Wake up to even worse anxiety, drink even more, rinse repeat. Welcome to the hell hurricane.
Keep going with your sobriety and make sure you have a therapist appointment ASAP that you can see regularly. It sounds like you've already lost so much from this madness, It's time to turn things around.

someday147

thanks again guys i really do feel ready to do whatever is necessary at this point to change my life. Any advice on the best way forward? i have made appointment for doctors but it will be another 13days before i can go.

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you are making the choice to get sober someday. As an anxiety sufferer I totally understand what you are going through. It very, very important for you to understand and accept that you cannot be "cured" in the sense that you can drink normally again. Just about all of us felt that way at some point, i did multiple times. But each and every time I started drinking again i went right back to everyday/all day binge drinking in a short matter of time. And the withdrawals also got worse and worse.

You will find a lot of support and understanding here on SR, hope you can stick around with us.

someday147

thanks scott I think I finally understand that. I will read/post on here daily and never stop with active recovery thats one of the mistakes I made the last time I was on sr after a while thought I was fine. Here I am a year later. I was always afraid of admtting i was an addict and needed help and yet now I almost want to announce it on facebook or something. Anyone else ever felt like that?

Dee74

welcome back someday147

I wasn't on FB but I made some big general announcements - kinda regret that now - I worried a lot of people who had no idea my problem was that bad...and I have to admit at the time I was kinda hoping other people would be my personal sober police force and keep me from drinking.

Only I can do that

D

Hevyn

I'm glad to see you, someday. Posting here really helped with the anxiety when I was first quitting. I knew I was no longer alone. We care about you & want to see you get your life back. You can do this!

someday147

thanks for further replies guys. Made it through day 1 but am struggling so much today. I miss my wife and I know iv'e caused her a great deal of emotional suffering from my behaviour through addictions. I have only ever used alcohol/cannabis as coping mechanisms my whole life and know no other way I feel so much deep regret for the pain iv'e caused her and don't know how to handle it. Am so scared feel I need some kind of immediate help or support but not sure what that is right now. Is this just me going through withdrawal

Dee74

Hi someday - I smoked weed for 30 years and drank for 20. It's hard to learn a new way to live - but far from impossible

Support helps.
you can do this!

D

biminiblue

Yeah, the first few days are rough. No way around that.

The problems caused by alcohol take time to sort out and to make right in your mind. A drink will not solve any of it.

Keep going. Push through, tough it out. We all know how hard it is, but you can do it.

As far as face to face support, have you looked up some AA meetings in your area?

someday147

have arranged for 1-1 therapy. will look into meetings aswell need all the help i can get.

DontRemember

I'll say this;after drinking at broken relationhips and 'real life' problems...You have to deal with those/these feelings and emotions in a sober mind to get past them. Also.. You HAVE to want to get/stay sober for yourself...not another person/place/thing. That's my experience.

Edit: don't be affraid of AA like I was. It really turned my mind/thoughts to what really matter..again..IME

zjw

as far as drinking and panic goes well drinking and really any adverse issue. When i quit I felt as if i was damned if i drank and damned if i didnt drink. I felt like i was pretty much SCREWED either way. I felt pretty strongly about this too. But I merely stayed sober those early days becuase I new drinking was just one more problem and wasnt going to make things better. I new it certainly wasnt going to repair my misery. Even tho without it I felt pretty daggone miserable.

I guess about 30 days in i realized tho that my life was better without booze. now in my case the amt it was better was pretty stinking insignificant in just 30 days (i'm being brutally honest here) But I could not deny that fact that it was at least recogonizeably better all be it just a TEEEEENY bit i felt. But every 30 days or so I realized it was getting a TEEEEEENY bit better. by 8 months or so I realized it was a fair amt better not perfect and still generally crappy but definatly better. i'd say 30 days in or i really started to come to grips with the fact that i just couldnt go back to drinking ever again it was just not gonna solve anything.

fast forward to now almost 7 years later and good lord I dont ever wanna go back to that.

tomsteve

good on ya! i think i can relate a bit to the remorse,guilt,self hatred you are experiencing about your wife. my story tells a small bit of it

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-my-story.html (tomsteve-My Story)


early recovery was a straight up sob-i felt like the worlds biggest POS for some time after that last drunk. through putting in the footwork of the steps of AA, the feelings of being a useless,worthless,hopeless,helpless POS disappeared.
it was well worth every second of trudging through early recovery.

someday147

thanks for the further responses i made it through day 2 by the skin of my teeth i lapsed at one point walked towards the shop to get drink i was feeling so bad but just thought i'd at least read more posts here first and the craving passed. I totally agree about wanting to do it for yourself and not somebody else I was always saying I would do it for others and never got anywhere