Cosima11

I'm on day 202 of no alcohol but a couple nights ago I tripped on shrooms (2nd time I've ever done this, it was never much of an interest before). I know this probably counts as a relapse and I know I probably should've written about it here before doing it rather than confessing afterwards as it wasn't a spur of the moment decision.

I could say I wanted to do it for the therapeutic or conscious expanding benefits, but really I did it because.. I'm an addict and I wanted to get f***** up. Which I did, it was honestly too much and not even a pleasant experience. I know it was wrong, I know it's something I can never do again. Drinking is still completely off the table and I don't feel it's going to send me into a tailspin of other risky behaviors or have any life shattering consequences but again, I know I shouldn't have done it.

Not looking for any specific feedback necessarily but just wanted to be honest since I think I'd feel pretty guilty about posting here in the future if I wasn't. What I plan to do differently is really stop dwelling on the past and everything that's gone wrong and start pouring my energy into making positive changes that I've been way too hesitant to make in sobriety. Therapy probably wouldn't be a bad idea either.

ScottFromWI

This sounds like a very good plan moving forward Cosima. Sounds like you are well aware of what happened and that it was not a good idea, learn and make the necessary change.

doggonecarl

A few years back, I lost over five years of being clean on a weekend spree after I found someone's stash in a parking lot of a club I happened to be walking my dogs through. Knew right away what it was; knew I was going to use.

I know that it was, in part "Well, at least it's not drinking..." but that's just an excuse, and a poor one. I'm an addict and alcoholic and have been fighting this affliction for over 40 years. I just have to keep my eye on the goal of total sobriety.

I do that by staying engaged, daily, with my recovery.

NulaMeansZero

I definitely think most on here will not understand the term or thought process you had by taking a psilocybin substance.
Alcohol is 100% different than this.....
PM me if you ever need to talk..
Me personally , I dont think you failed at anything unless of course you drank that night as well.
Keep up the good fight.

Cosima11

Thanks for the replies. I didn't drink and my thoughts on drinking have not changed.

I don't really want to change my sobriety date but I guess that's pretty arbitrary.. Counting days isn't as important as making progress in building a new way of life.

NulaMeansZero

the most important factor is you!
It sounds like you needed a small reminder to set you back on track.
Nothing is worth throwing it all away, even a little side trip.

Are you considering your sobriety on a different level than others, there's people that think mouth wash is off limits.......and to each their own........theres full on Straight Edge guys that I know that are on a entirely different level.

Everyone has different opionions on it.

My sobriety started with removing Alcohol from my life.........
I still drink coffee, that has Caffeine
I still smoked- that has nicotine
I had a few Odouls to curb cravings in the beginning
and yes I've enjoyed microdosing on many occasions.

Im closing in on a year and I have quit smoking now(5 months) as well and also the odouls were gone a long time ago , stupid calories for no benefit.

I consider myself a non drinker now, after I celebrate 1 year here very soon, I will no longer count days, months ,years

I will forget the ugly effect alcohol had on my life and continue living my life as a non drinker.

Good luck , SR is a excellent site for support , but just remember we are all different , no one is the same, but we all want you to succeed.

Dee74

er...not really, according to what Cosima herself wrote.

I'm really proud you came here and confessed and cleared the state, Cosima.

I was never really a shrooms guy but I tried a few things a few times telling myself I was an intrepid explorer though Blakes 'doors of perception' as interpreted by Huxley...

but the reality was I wanted to be - and got - messed up.

D