Should I have Broken up with my alcoholics boyfriend.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
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Should I have Broken up with my alcoholics boyfriend.
We were dating for 7 months and we both have confessed that we are the only ones for each other. As mentioned in other threads, it’s amazing when he is sober but when he is drunk, he is manipulative and self-inflicting.
I’ve read some posts that have proven that I did the right thing in ending the relationship. I just feel as though I’m still with him. I’m going to a 12 step A.A. family meeting tomorrow with his parents. Should I even go? I’m still very much attached to him and I’m not sure I could ever get over him. He had told me, before we broke up, that he was to get sober over the next few days. However, I had already known that he had drank earlier in the day and he continued to drink in front of me. He only recently had gotten worse in his binge drinking. Usually it lasts 3 days every two or three weeks. He has now been drunk for two weeks. I believed that he would have sobered up but he said it was for me and not for himself. I ended it and now I’m afraid that he might use this to isolate himself and use this break up as an anchor. As you can see, im still very concerned about him and want for us to be back together. I just feel very lost.
I’ve read some posts that have proven that I did the right thing in ending the relationship. I just feel as though I’m still with him. I’m going to a 12 step A.A. family meeting tomorrow with his parents. Should I even go? I’m still very much attached to him and I’m not sure I could ever get over him. He had told me, before we broke up, that he was to get sober over the next few days. However, I had already known that he had drank earlier in the day and he continued to drink in front of me. He only recently had gotten worse in his binge drinking. Usually it lasts 3 days every two or three weeks. He has now been drunk for two weeks. I believed that he would have sobered up but he said it was for me and not for himself. I ended it and now I’m afraid that he might use this to isolate himself and use this break up as an anchor. As you can see, im still very concerned about him and want for us to be back together. I just feel very lost.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
[QUOTE=Florestille;6878829]We were dating for 7 months and we both have confessed that we are the only ones for each other. As mentioned in other threads, it’s amazing when he is sober but when he is drunk, he is manipulative and self-inflicting.
I’ve read some posts that have proven that I did the right thing in ending the relationship. I just feel as though I’m still with him. I’m going to a 12 step A.A. family meeting tomorrow with his parents. Should I even go? I’m still very much attached to him and I’m not sure I could ever get over him. He had told me, before we broke up, that he was to get sober over the next few days. However, I had already known that he had drank earlier in the day and he continued to drink in front of me. He only recently had gotten worse in his binge drinking. Usually it lasts 3 days every two or three weeks. He has now been drunk for two weeks. I believed that he would have sobered up but he said it was for me and not for himself. I ended it and now I’m afraid that he might use this to isolate himself and use this break up as an anchor. As you can see, im still very concerned about him and want for us to be back together. I just feel very lost.[/QUOTE]
Here's the deal: You have no idea if or when he's going to get sober. You mention when drunk, he is manipulative and self-inflicting.
Well, if you're willing to accept that part of him continue with the relationship. If not break it off.
But you can't have it both ways. You can't stay in the relationship and continuously complain when you know full well what you're getting into.
I’ve read some posts that have proven that I did the right thing in ending the relationship. I just feel as though I’m still with him. I’m going to a 12 step A.A. family meeting tomorrow with his parents. Should I even go? I’m still very much attached to him and I’m not sure I could ever get over him. He had told me, before we broke up, that he was to get sober over the next few days. However, I had already known that he had drank earlier in the day and he continued to drink in front of me. He only recently had gotten worse in his binge drinking. Usually it lasts 3 days every two or three weeks. He has now been drunk for two weeks. I believed that he would have sobered up but he said it was for me and not for himself. I ended it and now I’m afraid that he might use this to isolate himself and use this break up as an anchor. As you can see, im still very concerned about him and want for us to be back together. I just feel very lost.[/QUOTE]
Here's the deal: You have no idea if or when he's going to get sober. You mention when drunk, he is manipulative and self-inflicting.
Well, if you're willing to accept that part of him continue with the relationship. If not break it off.
But you can't have it both ways. You can't stay in the relationship and continuously complain when you know full well what you're getting into.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
[QUOTE I ended it and now I’m afraid that he might use this to isolate himself and use this break up as an anchor. [/QUOTE]
Trust me on this: you are powerless over his drinking. Unless, that is, you tie him down and force alcohol down his throat. I'd keep focused on your own recovery and just let him go (or be dragged).
Trust me on this: you are powerless over his drinking. Unless, that is, you tie him down and force alcohol down his throat. I'd keep focused on your own recovery and just let him go (or be dragged).
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hi there,
yes, he may well use the breakup as reason for more, worse or different.
i used a lot of situations and events as excuses in my drinking days.
Florestille, you are NOT responsible for what he does in response to the breakup or for anything he decidesto do or not do.
he is.
you might find connecting in the Friends and Families forums farther down helpful to you.
i do hope you are wrong about him being the only one for you....not to be harsh, but please consider you deserve a healthy relationship with a healthy person and this s not that at this time.
take good care of yourself.
yes, he may well use the breakup as reason for more, worse or different.
i used a lot of situations and events as excuses in my drinking days.
Florestille, you are NOT responsible for what he does in response to the breakup or for anything he decidesto do or not do.
he is.
you might find connecting in the Friends and Families forums farther down helpful to you.
i do hope you are wrong about him being the only one for you....not to be harsh, but please consider you deserve a healthy relationship with a healthy person and this s not that at this time.
take good care of yourself.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Lots of other fish in the sea. You may always feel that connection. You don't have to be with him though. Alcoholics are the worst possible choice of mate you could find. Unstable, inconsistent, volatile, dependent, and half out of their minds most of the time.
Spare yourself an immense amount of future pain and just quit him. Find someone healthy.
some people just aren't going to quit. They are not worth your time, only your pity from afar.
I did not plan on staying with my husband if I was unable to stay sober. I loved him too much to think of him chained to an unrepentant crazy person. I'm sober and we are still together. But I would never, ever expect anyone to put up with me as an active alcoholic. I was a completely unpredictable whackjob.
Just grieve the loss and move on.
Spare yourself an immense amount of future pain and just quit him. Find someone healthy.
some people just aren't going to quit. They are not worth your time, only your pity from afar.
I did not plan on staying with my husband if I was unable to stay sober. I loved him too much to think of him chained to an unrepentant crazy person. I'm sober and we are still together. But I would never, ever expect anyone to put up with me as an active alcoholic. I was a completely unpredictable whackjob.
Just grieve the loss and move on.
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