Why do I drink?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 94
Why do I drink?
As I have started my path towards not binge drinking on the weekends, my wife thinks there is an underlying reason that I do it. I told her each time I start drinking, I am in a happy bright place. It can be a nice Saturday, a Sunny day outside and I am barbequing, I am cooking, or it simply is Saturday. It is never when I am stressed. She says yes, on the outside, but something deeper is driving you to drink and not stop. I tell her it is because I am addicted to it plain and simple.
I do wonder if it is something that I am burying, or something that if I were to find, could alleviate the need to drink or to drink until I pass out. I just do not know what it is but wonder if there is a way to find out because I ask myself - when I start drinking on a Saturday, I am happy! Why would I need to drink then? Then the next morning I hate myself and am depressed and start questioning my existence, my purpose, and feel worthless. Is this when the issues come out?
Does this resonate with anyone? How can one find out the root cause of the drinking?
I do wonder if it is something that I am burying, or something that if I were to find, could alleviate the need to drink or to drink until I pass out. I just do not know what it is but wonder if there is a way to find out because I ask myself - when I start drinking on a Saturday, I am happy! Why would I need to drink then? Then the next morning I hate myself and am depressed and start questioning my existence, my purpose, and feel worthless. Is this when the issues come out?
Does this resonate with anyone? How can one find out the root cause of the drinking?
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Right now, it doesn't matter why you drink or why you continue. It could be something very simple or it could be extremely complex.
First things first. You have to detox safely and then address the underlying issues. For some that's AA. For me it was therapy. Whatever you chose, it has to be something to sustain long term sobriety.
First things first. You have to detox safely and then address the underlying issues. For some that's AA. For me it was therapy. Whatever you chose, it has to be something to sustain long term sobriety.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
In the Secular Connections forums here on SR are some really great threads about AVRT/RR , those ideas really resonated with me , I always recommend people check them out.
I think the root cause of drinking is indulging the desire for alcohol. Not just the 'having' the desire for booze, but acting on it too. The desire becomes like a rogue survival instinct that equates staying alive with booze consumption. The buzz and the oblivion are/were the rewards IT gave Me for getting Its precious stuff. Kind of like a nice satisfied feeling after eating a good meal.
I think the causes of the morning after issues ie, existential angst, worthlessness ect is an area worth more scrutiny at this point, yeah? It seems they may be caused by getting drunk and not so much the reason for it, especially when you report that right before you drink you are pretty happy.
The first few would always just start this 'itch' for me, more would help me feel like I was working toward 'scratching' , but instead I would just keep getting 'itchier'. After the first few or even one, I was all in for trying quell that itch, I was definitely on board and not regretting , until the end of the session , but those painful memories would fade in relative short fashion and I was back to the races.
Drinking doesn't come without its costs though, and they can be subtle at first, but they eventually get paid in mind, body and spirit , and it's always a bad deal.
wish you well and hope to see you around
I think the root cause of drinking is indulging the desire for alcohol. Not just the 'having' the desire for booze, but acting on it too. The desire becomes like a rogue survival instinct that equates staying alive with booze consumption. The buzz and the oblivion are/were the rewards IT gave Me for getting Its precious stuff. Kind of like a nice satisfied feeling after eating a good meal.
I think the causes of the morning after issues ie, existential angst, worthlessness ect is an area worth more scrutiny at this point, yeah? It seems they may be caused by getting drunk and not so much the reason for it, especially when you report that right before you drink you are pretty happy.
The first few would always just start this 'itch' for me, more would help me feel like I was working toward 'scratching' , but instead I would just keep getting 'itchier'. After the first few or even one, I was all in for trying quell that itch, I was definitely on board and not regretting , until the end of the session , but those painful memories would fade in relative short fashion and I was back to the races.
Drinking doesn't come without its costs though, and they can be subtle at first, but they eventually get paid in mind, body and spirit , and it's always a bad deal.
wish you well and hope to see you around
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Many people that abuse alcohol do have underlying mental health issues, but most don't. These people abuse alcohol simply because in their brains, get a strong "high" from alcohol with no off switch to stop from drinking themselves into oblivion, where those who do not have an alcohol abuse disorder, can responsibly drink 1 or 2 with no desire to drink more.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,580
In my experience, the "why" ended up not mattering. I was just addicted, and i drank because it felt good. The addicted part of my mind made up stories about why i needed to drink. After some sober time, i could see they were just stories, and no longer relevant once i took alcohol off the table.
Once one is sober, one can look around and see what issues may need addressing, if there are any. While still drinking, i made no progress on anything, as my thought process was distorted by alcohol.
Once one is sober, one can look around and see what issues may need addressing, if there are any. While still drinking, i made no progress on anything, as my thought process was distorted by alcohol.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I'm also a firm believer that "why" we drink is not important. In fact, the quest to find out "why" can actually become an impediment to us seeking help and actually quitting. For me my quest to find out why was really my addiction trying to find a way to fix whatever was wrong so I could return to drinking "normally".
I did have some underlying mental health issues, and in part my drinking was certainly a failed attempt to self-medicate, but even knowing that it still didn't change the fact that stopping was the only possible solution.
I did have some underlying mental health issues, and in part my drinking was certainly a failed attempt to self-medicate, but even knowing that it still didn't change the fact that stopping was the only possible solution.
Recognizes the Beast
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: In the kitchen, cooking up a storm
Posts: 704
Originally Posted by Forward12 
Many people that abuse alcohol do have underlying mental health issues, but most don't. These people abuse alcohol simply because in their brains, get a strong "high" from alcohol with no off switch to stop from drinking themselves into oblivion, where those who do not have an alcohol abuse disorder, can responsibly drink 1 or 2 with no desire to drink more.
https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitst...=1&isAllowed=y
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
I never got anything useful out of chasing answers to chicken/egg questions, or digging for root causes. In fact it was an obstacle to me doing what I needed to do, which was to stop drinking. If there are deep answers down there somewhere, I never found them, and I don't think anyone with a drinking problem will ever find those answers while they're still drinking.
I think, regardless of why we choose to use alcohol on a more-than-occasional basis, once we drink enough, long enough, we change our brain function and become more-or-less chemically dependent on alcohol. Our brains adapt to the regular intake of poisonous chemicals as a survival mechanism, and the new functionality requires that same regular intake of poisonous chemicals. So of course we're happy to take that first drink, our brains need it, and the compulsion is a symptom of that chemical dependency.
You might see all this stuff more clearly if you stop drinking completely for a good chunk of time, say 3 months? Once our brains get over the yearning for more alcohol, they revert to a normal functionality, and we often find we can think a lot more clearly and see things as they really are.
I think, regardless of why we choose to use alcohol on a more-than-occasional basis, once we drink enough, long enough, we change our brain function and become more-or-less chemically dependent on alcohol. Our brains adapt to the regular intake of poisonous chemicals as a survival mechanism, and the new functionality requires that same regular intake of poisonous chemicals. So of course we're happy to take that first drink, our brains need it, and the compulsion is a symptom of that chemical dependency.
You might see all this stuff more clearly if you stop drinking completely for a good chunk of time, say 3 months? Once our brains get over the yearning for more alcohol, they revert to a normal functionality, and we often find we can think a lot more clearly and see things as they really are.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by BullDog777
Right now, it doesn't matter why you drink or why you continue. It could be something very simple or it could be extremely complex.
First things first. You have to detox safely and then address the underlying issues. For some that's AA. For me it was therapy. Whatever you chose, it has to be something to sustain long term sobriety.
First things first. You have to detox safely and then address the underlying issues. For some that's AA. For me it was therapy. Whatever you chose, it has to be something to sustain long term sobriety.
And, ultimately? The whys and wherefores I concerned myself with for so long ONLY served to keep me drinking.
The reason I drink? I'm an alcoholic. The other stuff in my mind, etc, only began to be constructively (note that word) addressed with a good psych- once I got sober.
I'm not sure what "working on not binge drinking on the weekends" means, but it doesn't sound like you are ready to quit.
I hope you stick around and see what those with some sobriety (I still consider myself a baby at 26 mo) share.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I spent the first two years of recovery asking "why, why, why?" and realized the answer is that I'm an alcoholic. I can not drink today, but once I pick up a drink I simply have no control over how much or what happens.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Originally Posted by nomis
I would be careful making general statements like that. While there is always new research coming out, there is a large body of epidemiology and evidence-based research already established demonstrating that addiction comorbidity is extremely common among drug and alcohol abusers.
https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitst...=1&isAllowed=y
https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitst...=1&isAllowed=y
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I think most people have underlying psychic issues that can lead to damaging behaviors and crippling self-doubt. Some are manifested in addictive behaviors. There may also be some underlying organic mental health issues, like depression, bipolar disorder ,etc.
Drugs and alcohol gave me a respite from the underlying trauma. Stopping the addiction was the first step to healing. Nothing was going to get solved or processed until that happened. Psych meds are only minimally effective if there is heavy substance use going on. I had to learn to sit with and face the discomfort that I'd been avoiding with drugs and alcohol. For me, AA or AVRT would never have been enough to work through some of these issues. While using both, individual therapy has enabled me to really own, examine and change both my negative behaviors and where they come from. These don't necessarily cause my drinking, but they make sobriety uncomfortable to unbearable. I'm learning to truly manage and love a life without drinking, instead of white-knuckling abstinence alone.
I 1000% concur with everyone who has said stop drinking first. Cure the "what" and you can discover the "why" and use those discoveries to better your life.
Drugs and alcohol gave me a respite from the underlying trauma. Stopping the addiction was the first step to healing. Nothing was going to get solved or processed until that happened. Psych meds are only minimally effective if there is heavy substance use going on. I had to learn to sit with and face the discomfort that I'd been avoiding with drugs and alcohol. For me, AA or AVRT would never have been enough to work through some of these issues. While using both, individual therapy has enabled me to really own, examine and change both my negative behaviors and where they come from. These don't necessarily cause my drinking, but they make sobriety uncomfortable to unbearable. I'm learning to truly manage and love a life without drinking, instead of white-knuckling abstinence alone.
I 1000% concur with everyone who has said stop drinking first. Cure the "what" and you can discover the "why" and use those discoveries to better your life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
made me think of this..
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect
produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they
admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true
from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal
one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can
again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at
once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking
with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as
so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass
through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful,
with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and
over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change
there is very little hope of his recovery
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect
produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they
admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true
from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal
one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can
again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at
once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking
with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as
so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass
through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful,
with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and
over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change
there is very little hope of his recovery
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
you drink because your dog died when you were five. now that you know why you drink, what will you do?
you drink because your mother rejected you. now that you know why, what will you do?
you drink because you were bullied in grade ten. now that you know why you drink, what will you do?
you drink because you have a spiritual void in the pit of your heart. now that you know why, what will you do?
you drink because it feels good. now that you know why you drink, what will you do ?
you drink because you are afraid of sober life, unanaesthetized. now that you know why you drink, what will you do?
you drink because you hate how you feel when you don't. now that you know why,what will you do?
you drink because you are addicted. now that you know why you drink, what will you do?
what will you do?
you drink because your mother rejected you. now that you know why, what will you do?
you drink because you were bullied in grade ten. now that you know why you drink, what will you do?
you drink because you have a spiritual void in the pit of your heart. now that you know why, what will you do?
you drink because it feels good. now that you know why you drink, what will you do ?
you drink because you are afraid of sober life, unanaesthetized. now that you know why you drink, what will you do?
you drink because you hate how you feel when you don't. now that you know why,what will you do?
you drink because you are addicted. now that you know why you drink, what will you do?
what will you do?
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