left my girlfriend today
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 25
Vandermast, you sound like a good guy, thoughtful, selfless and quite mature. I hope your pain (and your girlfriend's) diminishes over time. It was very kind of you to give her an explanation of your reasons.
I must tell you, though, it is hell on the other side as well. My ABF told me 8 months ago he needed to take a break from our relationship after starting AA, but I had to do a lot of reading on my own to understand why. I think his reasons were probably a lot like yours, but I don't think he wanted an extended discussion. To go from talking almost every day and seeing each other on a regular basis to no communication at all is hard. It was especially hard for me since hearing that he was an alcoholic came as a shock, so it was two shocks at once. And a break or breakup does not come with a guarantee of reconnection, so the feelings and love are still there, but everything else is in limbo. Knowing that people change a lot in recovery increases the uncertainty.
From what I've read, I understand early recovery can be very difficult, a rollercoaster of emotions, physical and emotional changes, etc. and trying to be a good partner under those circumstances would be very difficult. So, I agree you made the right, mature choice.
It was actually helpful to me (being the non-alcoholic partner) to hear that you are hurting as well. Not that I would wish that on you, but as a reminder that a breakup brings hurt and sadness to both parties.
Wishing both you and your ex gf strength and hope in your journey forward.
I must tell you, though, it is hell on the other side as well. My ABF told me 8 months ago he needed to take a break from our relationship after starting AA, but I had to do a lot of reading on my own to understand why. I think his reasons were probably a lot like yours, but I don't think he wanted an extended discussion. To go from talking almost every day and seeing each other on a regular basis to no communication at all is hard. It was especially hard for me since hearing that he was an alcoholic came as a shock, so it was two shocks at once. And a break or breakup does not come with a guarantee of reconnection, so the feelings and love are still there, but everything else is in limbo. Knowing that people change a lot in recovery increases the uncertainty.
From what I've read, I understand early recovery can be very difficult, a rollercoaster of emotions, physical and emotional changes, etc. and trying to be a good partner under those circumstances would be very difficult. So, I agree you made the right, mature choice.
It was actually helpful to me (being the non-alcoholic partner) to hear that you are hurting as well. Not that I would wish that on you, but as a reminder that a breakup brings hurt and sadness to both parties.
Wishing both you and your ex gf strength and hope in your journey forward.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Props,bud for owning your 'stuff' and not throwing others in the wake of it all. I ended a ltr relationship when I got serious about my sobriety and she kept(keeps?) on going with the drink. I love her and wish her well,but our time together has passed. Also(not to sound selfish) waaay easier to be single and getting sober(IMO)!
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