Stayingsassy

I belonged to a different website where I relapsed over and over and over again, and the people kept saying just wait! Just get through this part!

But I didn't listen. Now I see. It takes time to see it.

I also see how frustrating it is when the others don't believe, they want to believe what the drink says. The drink is loud in those early days. It takes a lot out of you to wait for it to shut up. But once it does.....

Ken33xx

Here's what I learned when I tried to stop. Well, actually I never wanted to stop. I just wanted to cut back enough so I could get a handle on things.

But the problems associated with drinking - mainly feeling burned out all the time never left. I was pretty much broke as well and I felt crummy most of the time.

I couldn't see a life of complete abstinence. I wanted to cut back, to get it together but this never happened.

Today life is much simpler without the health issues and drama associated with abusive drinking. Life is difficult enough without the on-going pressure of alcohol addiction.

But I had to see this for myself. I had to reach a point where I was completely sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Until then I wasn't going to stop.

Dee74

Yeah I gave in lots of times too but I could never make the connection between that and why I had no faith in a lasting recovery.

Pretty hard to believe in something you have no experience of.

If you're depressed there's a number of things you could, maybe even should do.

See a Dr or a counsellor, think about diet and exercise.

Find more support - and use it, especially for those days when you can't see the point of abstinence but use it regularly even when you feel good about not drinking.

Create new habits.

Think about life and what it would take for you to enjoy it. Write that out as the start of a programme of change.

What you absolutely cant do is drink on it. Drinking is a vote for no action. Its an attempt to tolerate the intolerable.

Drinking is to depression as gasoline is to fire.

Recoverys more like a marathon than a sprint - but it's ok ... we've done marathons before - dunno how long you drank for but it's got to be longer than a month.

Recovery not about instant gratification - its about hard work and patient - but the eventual rewards are assured.

Have faith. Be patient. Take action

D

Berrybean

Maybe try again. Antabuse isn't Recovery. Maybe try getting involved in a program of recovery, and adjust your expectations of sobriety to accept that the early weeks and months aren't likely to be much fun. But sobriety and recovery aren't about quick-fixes if we're serious about it. It took us a while to get so our lives and addictions were so painful. Why would we ever expect that they can get better in a matter of weeks?

Please do give it another go.

BB

JJ991

I think I fooled myself into thinking things would be amazing when I quit, I'd have no hangovers (true) and all this energy, up and at things early in the morning (so not true as this is just not me!) I just did what I could to get through the early days, it was just hard, pure and simple.

The only solution is to stick with it, accept the crap feelings in the short term. I'm sorry you drank again but don't give up trying to give up.

PhoenixJ

Yes you do have what it takes....why otherwise did you bother sharing??
It is hard work...very hard work. The need for recovery has to be stronger than the want of the addiction. This HAS to be coupled with outside support...mettings and a professional for me.
Support to you..do not give in to the victim voices....you are worth it and you are not alone.

apollo986

Hello Benz, I slipped a few times over the past 90 days. Not more than a couple of drinks. I felt so guilty and ashamed. I don't regret slipping because it made me realize that it wasn't worth it anymore. The shame, regret and the toll it takes on mind and body.

It's a process. You can do it when your ready.

SnazzyDresser

I hope you'll give sobriety another try up the road, benzenering. It's the right path to be on long-term and way better than being a drunk, even though sometimes it doesn't seem like that.

Sunflowerlife

You can give up today and decide to try again tomorrow. This is your journey and it will not be linear. Change, however, does not come without discomfort. Staying the same is easy. Doing the same thing you know over and over again takes no effort. If you really want a different life you are going to have to step out of your comfort zone and this is where sabotage and relapse occur, because often times being uncomfortable just hurts too much.

I have 11 months of sobriety because of SR but I didn't just stop one day and get those months. I had 5 months and relapsed. 37 days and relapsed. 4 months and relapsed. And even the first 6 months this time around were awful - gut wrenching and awful. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I will never touch a drink again in my life. It's not a part of who I am anymore. If someone would have just told me that it's going to be really hard and then one day all of a sudden it won't be anymore, I wouldn't have believed them. But I am telling you this now from experience- it won't always feel like it does in the first week, or month or 60 days or 6 months. It does get better than this. But you have to try to find out. Won't you try again??

benzenering

I am having a hard time figuring out where I'm going with this. I have always known I would try drinking again--the old "is it a habit" or "am I addicted"--no way to know without trying it out...I did, the final result wasn't really bad or anything. Of course, I know...next time, maybe? Sorry, y'all, I know it's not what you want to hear.

trachemys

OK, I can tell you: you're addicted. You are an alcoholic. If you can't stop for ninety days, you are an alcoholic.

I know. I am one.

Dee74

Its really got nothing to do with what we want to hear Benz. Its not like anyone here is grading you - we just want to help

I hope, if the thought comes to test yourself again, you'll be able to say 'been there done that proved it to myself conclusively'.

There's some great suggestions here for what you might do differently this time - follow them up

D

Sohard

Bensenering. Of course, you are free to believe whatever you want to believe. But, I can tell you are a rational person. I mean it. So, think of it this way: does a person with just a nagging habit go onto soberrecovery.com and write the following" ...sobriety sucks. I give up, and am giving in. I have 23 days, and they have all sucked. I don't want to do this any more. I don't know how y'all did it. I guess I just don't have what it takes." [/I]You know as well as we all do, they don't. I mean, are you on any other websites for your bad "habits"? Probably not. Because people don't seek out these websites and write distressed posts about just bad habits. They just don't. You are blinding yourself to the truth (and the truth isn't the end of the world, by the way. So, you can't drink?? That will also mean you won't waste the money you did on alcohol, get hangovers, have as many regrets, waste as much time, be as sick and tired of being as sick and tired, etc.). Really try to reconsider convincing yourself you are not an alcoholic (if you have to consider it, you are), and ask yourself WHY are you trying so hard to convince yourself. Isn't that the answer to your question? And then get on the business of quitting. And stop doing the hardest part - early recovery. When you get farther along, the waters get smoother. I promise. And I'm only at 4 months. I know it's super uncomfortable to get used to being a sober person. But you WILL get used to it. Just like you got used to being an alcoholic. But it will feel good instead.

BullDog777

Woah.....Sohard ...that was profound. WELL PUT

Sohard

Thanks...I've learned a bit finally.

SpankedbyLife

I felt the same way every time I made it to week 3 almost exactly, I did the same thing and went back to drinking, I was in the hospital for severe withdrawal 4 times between July and this Sept or Oct, I can't even remember. 4 times in such a short period is pathetic. July was my longest period alcohol free, I went 30 days or so, my blood pressure from cutting out alcohol and soda went from 170/100 to 95/70, my resting pulse from 90-110 to 50-60. I was in such better shape, taking care of my dogs with 5 mile walks every day, it was amazing.. but boring. Whatever you do don't start drinking again, every time I did it was because sober was boring...but once you're drunk all the time or going through withdrawal fearing seizures you'll want that boring time back.

MindfulMan

I find the state of inebriation boring now...or at lest my memories of it. When you are drunk or high, most activities are pretty much more about that than what is actually happening around you.

I think there is a tendency to romanticize those times. Were they really that fun?

iew101

This rings true for me also. I couldn’t see it until I had a few stretches of sobriety to compare to my problem drinking. It’s similar to when I quit cigs. I deep down had to just be done. That way my gut could tell my brain to buzz off when drinking thoughts surfaced.

I also stopped romancing drinking. There was a comment I read on SR about following the thought to the end.

Not just drinking but: blowing money, being mean, smoking, being hung over, anxiety, regret, sleeping like crap, racing heart, reflux etc etc.

For me there just aren’t any “pros” now. Only “cons”