Awake61

I fell hard 3 days ago. The desire seemed to come from no where, but it grabbed me at work and I allowed it to take over. This is so tiring and I understand why some have left this wonderful site because it seems many of us fall back often. I just had to share this with someone and I know this place is safe. I was extremely sick last night, which is a new thing for me, as I usually didn't have hangovers. Just a very large sign that I have to recommit permanently, death is not far away. Thank you for listening. I have plans to meet up with my old counselor and have some healthy friends plans for Monday. Thank you for listening.

Culture

Sorry to hear that Awake61, support to you.
Personally, a plan made all the difference to me and might be something you would consider. It gives you a daily reminder of all those reasons you want to stay sober. Good to hear that you have some face to face support.

Dee74

I'm sorry you drank Awake but I'm glad you made it back.

TYhere really is lasting recovery - you altready know how to get sober - now you ned to focus on staying that way.

Maybe it will take more changes in your life or maybe more support, but you will get there. Don't lose heart

D

Hawkeye13

Around here one saying is "do the next right thing" and I find that has been really helpful for me to get things back on track.

You can do this, and it is great you are back and posting again.
Great job setting up appointment and FTF support.

Maybe an improved sobriety plan is the "next right thing" to work on?

It does get better and you can do it

BlownOne

Most of us alcoholics have no defense against the first drink without a plan of action and implementing that plan. Best intentions were never enough for me. So I found other people who had a solution. I did what they told me to do and I'll be darned if it didn't work. Taking that first drink doesn't cross my mind anymore. Best wishes to you.

Anna

I'm glad you're back here, Awake!

SteelRes211

Hey just pick up the pieces and start over. I was on/off for 31 years we all have been there many times too so you are not alone.

Fusion

Please don’t feel sad about the past few days, Awake, try to just focus on today and your future. You can do this, pick yourself up and refocus your tenacity on your abstinence goal.

BullDog777

It is very important that you forgive yourself and then get help. You have a desire to stop and you did that, now you have to work on staying stopped.

I hear Dee and Scott always asking the people who relapse, or anyone really that comes here if they have a plan to stay sober. I never really fully understood why they asked that until this last time I got clean.

Now...more than ever, I've realized that, that plan HAS to be in place to give us as much of a defense as we can mount when we get that desire. We have to fill that tool box full of tools and distractions.

Getting that was a big thing for me.

I'm so glad you're back. Keep your chin up and keep trying. Never give up.

SteelRes211

Awake, how you doing today? Hope your feeling better and stay vigilant.

Awake61

Actually my day back seemed alright. Read some of Russel Brand's book and took it to heart. Woke up today feeling calm. One day at a time. Thank you for the support, it means so much.

littlefish

Hi Awake! Glad you came back. What popped out when I read your first post here was: "the desire seemed to come from nowhere". That is a great place to start doing some work. I also felt like I didn't know where the urge to drink was coming from. It seemed like a total mystery.

I understand now, after countless relapses, that the desire to drink definitely comes from a specific place. It's coming from somewhere you can shine a light on and take a good look at. I learned to focus on the moment when drinking seemed like a good idea, and then I really searched hard to find where that impulse was coming from. For me, I discovered it was a habitual desire to flee. As soon as any kind of strong emotion seemed imminent, I fled. With a drink.
The impulse is different with everyone. For you, it could be another reason.

I learned to do a simple little exercise. Look at the clock and sit with the feeling. Don't run. Stay with it. Hard to do, yeah. Because I had been fleeing my whole life.
I realized soon that those unbearable minutes were...only minutes. Soon, it was over. I could then get on with whatever I was doing. And the desire to have the drink, gone.
Hope this helps!

Awake61

I agree with you. For most of my life I have been fleeing something - be it people, emotions, situations. Good and bad. It is so ingrained in me using booze to run, that it just jumps in and takes over. I've GOT to utilize the tools shared here and elsewhere to turn this around. Won't be easy, by a long shot - but I have to do this! Thank you for your response.

Midwest1981

I hope you have a good time with your friends today.

JJ991

Plenty of support here. Glad you came back. X

waynetheking

Take it one day at a time. Don't drink one day at a time. Have a plan for that urge. Use any tool you have to stay sober.
What is your plan today for continued sobriety?
How will you implement the plan?
If your plan begins to fail, do you have a backup plan?
Do you want sobriety? Have you had enough of the illness?
Are you afraid of dying from alcoholism?
Can you continue living like you are now?
Ask yourself some hard questions. Write it down. When your ready to quit, you'll know it.