Mostly venting. Growing up.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 47
I just got back from a 2 hour hike in the woods with my mutt. I was thinking about this and should of mentioned too. I had a good childhood overall. My dad only hit me when I hit my little sister. It was his way of telling me not to hit women, kind of silly when its basically the same thing stronger taking advantage of the weaker but either way he meant well. I don't hit women so maybe it worked. Bad part is my sister was spoiled she had my dad wrapped around her finger and half the time she was making it all up. My dad might of spanked my sister once or twice. She got most of it from my mom even then I got way more from my mom too.
My parents did do the best they could. Overall my dad was a great role model he taught me a whole lot I take with me to this day. My mom was really loving normally, she was just really emotional and unpredictable. I do wonder if its all a front though. Like the way she answered that door one second she was ranting and raving like a lunatic wailing me with a spaghetti spoon, to acting happy and smiling seconds later.
My parents did do the best they could. Overall my dad was a great role model he taught me a whole lot I take with me to this day. My mom was really loving normally, she was just really emotional and unpredictable. I do wonder if its all a front though. Like the way she answered that door one second she was ranting and raving like a lunatic wailing me with a spaghetti spoon, to acting happy and smiling seconds later.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by aboveangel1967 
And it was not really monstrous abuse. I was never beat without reason. And most times were fairly minor. All beatings healed (except one).
there are others here who have suffered much more (as in sexual abuse)
there are others here who have suffered much more (as in sexual abuse)
No child deserves to be hit in such a way that they are now deformed. Your pain and your concerns, those memories, what you went through deserves to be voiced and acknowledged.
I am sorry for what you went through as a child. I am sorry that this has had a lifetime effect on you physically, mentally and emotionally. You did not deserve abuse. No one deserves abuse.
I speak from a place of experiencing abuse on many levels. Abuse is abuse and it has a long lasting impression on the person who endured the abuse. No matter the "type" of abuse it affects a person to the core. Pain is pain. It looks and feels the same on all of us.
I commend you for speaking on these issues.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
I see a lot of quiet pain in that post my friend.
Briefly, I will say...often when we're growing up the needs of our parents come before ours. Their values, what they think is important...comes before us and we can be affected for the rest of our lives in so many subtle ways. Is it right that that happens? Is it hell.
Carry on with what you're doing...stay sober. Right now, today, I think you're right to say no-one but you is responsible for your drinking. If you drank your way into alcoholism...the drink is now the problem and the only thing you can do, is make a firm commitment to do everything you can do to stay sober and start recovering.
That recovery process might take you back to your past one day and you may have the opportunity to look at all this with fresh eyes. In a way that maybe doesn't blame your folks but in a way that acknowledges that pain you've hinted at and that certainly doesn't blame you for all those things that happened so long ago. When you were just a kid.
Hang in there buddy
P
Briefly, I will say...often when we're growing up the needs of our parents come before ours. Their values, what they think is important...comes before us and we can be affected for the rest of our lives in so many subtle ways. Is it right that that happens? Is it hell.
Carry on with what you're doing...stay sober. Right now, today, I think you're right to say no-one but you is responsible for your drinking. If you drank your way into alcoholism...the drink is now the problem and the only thing you can do, is make a firm commitment to do everything you can do to stay sober and start recovering.
That recovery process might take you back to your past one day and you may have the opportunity to look at all this with fresh eyes. In a way that maybe doesn't blame your folks but in a way that acknowledges that pain you've hinted at and that certainly doesn't blame you for all those things that happened so long ago. When you were just a kid.
Hang in there buddy
P
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
You know, Recovery is the best thing that we can use our time for. It means that in the end we become more able to deal with life, and relationships, and can drop the shame and resentments that hold us in the past and make us want to bubble wrap ourselves emotionally.
I've shared this story before, but it's one that I need to tell myself every now and then when I start getting restless, irritable, and discontent, or the shame or resentments start creeping back into my head...
A man was in the forest chopping logs. He had been chopping for hours and still his pile of logs to be chopped had hardly gone down at all, and he was tired and irritable. To add to his irritation an old fellow passed by, and stood watching him as he chopped and muttered curses under his breath, sweat trickling down his face and neck. Eventually he paused and glared at the old fellow.
"I know a good place to get that axe sharpened" the old fellow said. " If you like I can take you there now."
The wood cutter laughed bitterly. " No thanks. I have no time for going to get axes sharpened. I have all this to do, can't you see?"
BB
I've shared this story before, but it's one that I need to tell myself every now and then when I start getting restless, irritable, and discontent, or the shame or resentments start creeping back into my head...
A man was in the forest chopping logs. He had been chopping for hours and still his pile of logs to be chopped had hardly gone down at all, and he was tired and irritable. To add to his irritation an old fellow passed by, and stood watching him as he chopped and muttered curses under his breath, sweat trickling down his face and neck. Eventually he paused and glared at the old fellow.
"I know a good place to get that axe sharpened" the old fellow said. " If you like I can take you there now."
The wood cutter laughed bitterly. " No thanks. I have no time for going to get axes sharpened. I have all this to do, can't you see?"
BB
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