Enkhecho

Dear all:
What does it mean if a man only contacts with woman when he is drunk, tells the good stuff, but when he is not drunk he is aloof and not expressive, never said good things.
Thank you.

ScottFromWI

Hard to say Enkhecho. It could mean that he's an alcoholic. Is this someone you are in a relationship with?

Enkhecho

Thank you ScottFromWI,

Yes pretty much for two years. He has alcoholic problem too, he is my on and off boyfriend since we met December 2015. He always contacts, confesses and says nice thing when he is drunk but when he is not drinking he hardly sees me or tells me nice things. When he not drinking he only phone calls me not saying much.

doggonecarl

I saw the first post you made. You know exactly what kind of person this is, and as difficult as it must be, you know exactly what you need to do. And if you can't do it on your own, seek the counseling you need to give you the strength to leave this guy.

otter

It could mean two things in my experience as a man:

1. He's shy and can only express himself when he's drunk. How he interacts when he's sober with other people would be a good indicator of whether or not this is the case.

2. He gets horny when he drinks and is not interested otherwise.

I don't really know if there's a whole lot of in between ground those two.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like someone you probably don't need in your life. I would suggest moving on and finding someone who will treat you properly. Based on your other posts you should probably do so sooner rather than later.

Enkhecho

Dear Doggonecarl,
Thank you so much for saying the truth, I agree with you. I will try to educate my self by reading an writing but it's very difficult. In myh gut, I believe or delosionally hope that he loves at some point, still it's very hard thing.

Enkhecho

Dear Otter,
Thanks so much forf your post response with kind thoughts. I first thought he is shy, but judging by his interaction in social set he is not really shy, he is very gregarious and taxljative person even with strangers . So I'm afraid he could be the later which is I don't like to believe it, otherwise when he is in sober he hary contacts me or says things to me.

Stayingsassy

Knowing men as well as I do, otter's #2 is the most likely reason.

I'm sorry sweetie, but it doesn't sound like genuine feeling.

Never be a man's booty call unless you're the one calling....

Obladi

It means he is a manipulative drunk and you need to stay clear. Do whatever you have to do not to pick up his calls. Block him. That will be a little bit hard, but only for a minute.

Offthemast

He's lonely and bored and drunk. He enjoys the conversations and the semblance of some kind of intimacy that eludes him in life but does not want to commit bc he sees something in your future relationship that either scares him or he thinks won't work. He probably finds you attractive and likes your personality but doesn't see a long term relationship bc he's terrified of commitment.

Mainly drunk and bored. This is my opinion of course. I've been that guy a few times. He needs to like himself before being able to let someone love him. He's emotionally stunted.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Tell the guy to you know what or get off the pot or get help. Good luck.

Enkhecho

Thanks dear StayingSassy,
For your comment, pointing out the scariest thing I'm afraid to accept, it's sad, I trying to be not contacting him.
Thanks again for your time.

Enkhecho

Obladi,
Thanks for your response, yes it's very hard and while I'm reading SR I discovered I'm codependent, bc I can't stop seeing him, because im scared that i will be left alone. I will try to do what you advised, it will be so hard, i havent contacted him ecaxtlth month, the reason is im visiting USA at the moment, which is good enogh to work on myself, I'm so scared when I go back home, I might be withdrawal again. Thanks...

Enkhecho

Dear Offthemast,
Thank you so much for thoughts and input, it's very helpful in terms of man's perspective, who had been there. Sadly, what you said is almost I feel same. I knew, that he thinks or believes something will not work on in the long term even he brought me to his place, parents.His parents really like me to be at their house, in our culture it's okay adultg child lives with parents but they get married, so back aznd forth stayed at his house with parents, but he still binge drinking, so enabled him like buying alcohol secretly from parents. But don't drink myself.
The worst thing is that he made me believed that we are going to married and having a child together. But in reality, (after, I came to thef usa, I found out 4 weeks pregnant)when I became pregnant he disappeared, turned off phone 4 days and finally I talked to him, all hed said he can't bring me home during the pregnancy. He said abortion, so ik reluctantly agreed but i miscarried soon in 5 week. Since then, hef never asked how im feeling whether i had a n abortion or not. I didnot write call him since i called him last time on January 10, regarding the abortion talk. Next day I miscarried.
Since then he did not check me, only wrote message as if nothing happened. Why you not contacting me? And the other day he said he misses me. Thats it... still deep down even im so hurt by his indifference and coldness, i still miss him, waiting for his messages.
It's very hard at 40 years old as being first time pregnant then miscarried before the abortion.
Now I'm really trying to cut the all contactg with him. I feel I'm addict to him.
Since we first met December 2015, I knew he drinks a lot, I thought it's fine, he contacted me only he wad drunk, I thought it's still fine.
I'm so scared to bed left alone, no body is there.

Offthemast

With more details, he seems like a sociopath. I'm very sorry. Run the other way.

Enkhecho

Offthemast,
Thanks again for your response. I think your saying sociopath, first I was not sure the term, bc I'm not native English speaker, I thought sociopath is mentally mad people. But read a very good article that says exactly what are the signs of sociopath which sadly exactly matches his behaviors, and actions. Wow, until now I never thought he really would be. All thbed sings that match exactly with his actions.
Thank youj again.

Offthemast

Hey Enkhecho, again sorry you are having to deal with this.

Calling someone a "sociopath" is somewhat an unfortunate figure of speech in the U.S.. It's "slang" for a really big jerk. I don't know if he's a sociopath or a narcissist or just emotionally dysfunctional. I am not a doctor.

He seems to be bad news though. Everyone deserves someone who will treat them good and with respect. If he does not, he's not worth worrying about. I hope you work it out.

Ken33xx

Sounds ugly but might well be the truth.

Next times he calls drunk tell him to call back when sober and hang up.

waynetheking

Being an alcoholic in itself is not a character defect. But being drunk clauses a lot of defects of character to surface.
You have plenty of advice here. Take the ball and run with it.

Enkhecho

Dear Offthemast,
Since your post in last two.jours I'm obsessivelyh reading the sociopath, sadly all the readings really a wakeup signs for me by comparing and analyzing his behaviors. He does not do a regular job, he lies in order to drink and manipulated me for his advance I see now clearly, I'm so scared now. The more I read, the more I realize him and how I was so blind and lostmyself to him forf what? Just for stupid fantasy, fears.
Thank you azgaxin for your posts, it is Really helping me to start think twice. Once bitten twice shy. After all this January, I will not dare talk to him again....