On Average was Never Part of My Equation...
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 40
On Average was Never Part of My Equation...
Ever. I drank as much as I could...
But here's the funny thing. I ALWAYS 'Over-Shot the Mark' when I had to be somewhere in relatively ok shape. Always.
I'd been morning drinking for about 20 years at this point, so if I said I'd only have 4 or 5 Icehouses, so I would be 'Ok', I always ended up having 9 or 10. Or more.
You see, I didn't think I was drunk. But then I'd wreck a car on the way to where ever I was supposed to be. Or I'd make it, more often than not, praying to leave so I could slam the three waiting for me in the car...
You know the drill? Yep...
I did that for years.
Drove myself to Detox a few times, once my bac was at .455, and another at .386. They made me sit in the lobby for 12 hours (I refused hospital) as they couldn't take me until I was under .3 Or. 28...whatever was the law in North Carolina so they could admit me.
Wild...
But the amounts we're never part of the equation the last few years. Wake. Drink. Pass out. Wake. Drink....have to make that god-awful trip out into public every couple days sick all the way there and back. Just to get more.
Garbage out only at night... Food, maybe, every four days or so.
God, what a way to exist.
But that's what I let it do for me.
Thanks everyone, this is the best I've felt and it's great to discuss. We're all the same, regardless of amounts.
30+ high octane beers a day is far from normal, but it was normal for this drunk.
You see, I'm a 'Real Alcoholic'.
New to sobriety, with just over 3 years, I thank God to not live that way today. But I know I'm only one drink away from being right back there. But today? I'll post and share instead-
Thank you all for being so welcoming. This site is a excellent tool for me!
Appreciate it,
Dirk
But here's the funny thing. I ALWAYS 'Over-Shot the Mark' when I had to be somewhere in relatively ok shape. Always.
I'd been morning drinking for about 20 years at this point, so if I said I'd only have 4 or 5 Icehouses, so I would be 'Ok', I always ended up having 9 or 10. Or more.
You see, I didn't think I was drunk. But then I'd wreck a car on the way to where ever I was supposed to be. Or I'd make it, more often than not, praying to leave so I could slam the three waiting for me in the car...
You know the drill? Yep...
I did that for years.
Drove myself to Detox a few times, once my bac was at .455, and another at .386. They made me sit in the lobby for 12 hours (I refused hospital) as they couldn't take me until I was under .3 Or. 28...whatever was the law in North Carolina so they could admit me.
Wild...
But the amounts we're never part of the equation the last few years. Wake. Drink. Pass out. Wake. Drink....have to make that god-awful trip out into public every couple days sick all the way there and back. Just to get more.
Garbage out only at night... Food, maybe, every four days or so.
God, what a way to exist.
But that's what I let it do for me.
Thanks everyone, this is the best I've felt and it's great to discuss. We're all the same, regardless of amounts.
30+ high octane beers a day is far from normal, but it was normal for this drunk.
You see, I'm a 'Real Alcoholic'.
New to sobriety, with just over 3 years, I thank God to not live that way today. But I know I'm only one drink away from being right back there. But today? I'll post and share instead-
Thank you all for being so welcoming. This site is a excellent tool for me!
Appreciate it,
Dirk
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,100
Dirk, glad you're here and that you have the resolve to make this happen. A *lot* of good people around these parts who can help inspire you to take action and stay on the sober path. Yeah, I always purposed to do 'controlled drinking' myself...a half pint of booze was the intent and of course doubling up on that (at least) until blackout. I thought I was functional but well....you get the picture. Put that plan into place man and make it happen. All of us are with ya.
BTW---I grew up in Charlotte. Love my Heels!
T.
BTW---I grew up in Charlotte. Love my Heels!
T.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 40
Right on! Took what it Took...
Yep...doubling up and then some was just part of 'Planning' in my younger years. Just like stocking up prior to Christmas Day (no sell holidays) and Sundays (no sell prior to noon) as that would only disrupt me!
That was before it got 'Bad', and crazy bad was what it got.
The full blown 4 day DT's, w/o medical attention (I didn't know what was happening...it was real!) was terribly amazing. Like taking 20 hits of LSD and not knowing you took it.
You don't know what you don't know (isn't real or really happening)...
Amazing stuff, and amazing to be alive.
But even THAT didn't make me quit.
Or divorce, car wrecks, jail...You all get the picture. It just gets worse until we arrest it.
The past three sober years have been great, but I'm one drink away from being drunk again.
Thanks so much, everybody-
Dirk
That was before it got 'Bad', and crazy bad was what it got.
The full blown 4 day DT's, w/o medical attention (I didn't know what was happening...it was real!) was terribly amazing. Like taking 20 hits of LSD and not knowing you took it.
You don't know what you don't know (isn't real or really happening)...
Amazing stuff, and amazing to be alive.
But even THAT didn't make me quit.
Or divorce, car wrecks, jail...You all get the picture. It just gets worse until we arrest it.
The past three sober years have been great, but I'm one drink away from being drunk again.
Thanks so much, everybody-
Dirk
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 40
Thanks, man! Cunning and baffling...
Wayne, it's awesome to meet you.
Yes, I was close to being dead. Really really really close.
In fact, I 'Saw Hell' when in my DT's. For real...twice. the first time, I observed it. The second time, I was a participant. That was in the 'Vivid Dreams' stage on my second night, right before s%$t hit the fan...
Then it got real.
Yep. It was...amazing.
And the messed up part is, I STILL hadn't had enough. It's a cunning and baffling monster, alright-
Thanks, man!
Dirk
Yes, I was close to being dead. Really really really close.
In fact, I 'Saw Hell' when in my DT's. For real...twice. the first time, I observed it. The second time, I was a participant. That was in the 'Vivid Dreams' stage on my second night, right before s%$t hit the fan...
Then it got real.
Yep. It was...amazing.
And the messed up part is, I STILL hadn't had enough. It's a cunning and baffling monster, alright-
Thanks, man!
Dirk
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 292
Dirk, I see SO much of what I used to be in your recollections. The wake up...drink...pass out cycle was me all weekend, every eeekend, and then I went through the hell called Monday mornings every week, because dammit, I was not an alcoholic as long as I was getting up to go to work every day. For years, I was nearly always either drunk or withdrawing. Even when I was (to MY way of thinking at the time) SOBER, I was probably still legally drunk. Man, I never want to go back to that!
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by DesertDawg 
Dirk, I see SO much of what I used to be in your recollections. The wake up...drink...pass out cycle was me all weekend, every eeekend, and then I went through the hell called Monday mornings every week, because dammit, I was not an alcoholic as long as I was getting up to go to work every day. For years, I was nearly always either drunk or withdrawing. Even when I was (to MY way of thinking at the time) SOBER, I was probably still legally drunk. Man, I never want to go back to that!
See, I knew how long it takes for a short liver break. 72 hours and your liver is clear of the most recent drinking binge so I rationalized that I had fixed it so I was clearing the liver each week. I believed it too. Utter madness.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
I remember being in NY city with my wife and daughter the week of Christmas and to watch the ball drop Jan of 2016.
When we were getting ready to leave the city and I was starting to get really sick. It was like 7-8 am. So I went down to the hotel bar and asked for 4 fingers of whiskey and downing it in under a minute. I knew the wife and kid wouldn't be down for another 15 minutes or so, so i asked the bartender to grab me a tall beer glass and fill it up with vodka. I left 15 minutes later having drank $600 in booze. That was the beginning of the end for me. I was passed out the whole way home. The next 2 months I drank around the clock.
March 1st, I was done.
It's always good to meet someone who has the same kinda horror stories.
Some days I just shake my head and marvel at the fact that I got one last chance to make it right.
When we were getting ready to leave the city and I was starting to get really sick. It was like 7-8 am. So I went down to the hotel bar and asked for 4 fingers of whiskey and downing it in under a minute. I knew the wife and kid wouldn't be down for another 15 minutes or so, so i asked the bartender to grab me a tall beer glass and fill it up with vodka. I left 15 minutes later having drank $600 in booze. That was the beginning of the end for me. I was passed out the whole way home. The next 2 months I drank around the clock.
March 1st, I was done.
It's always good to meet someone who has the same kinda horror stories.
Some days I just shake my head and marvel at the fact that I got one last chance to make it right.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 40
You and I both.
Yes, sir.
So I'm not the only guy who made that trip passed out and, rather than address it, go for the 'Marathon Two Month Bender' prior to letting the real horror show set in! Yee-Ha...pretty amazing there are so many of us that had to 'push it's that far.
I don't miss it. Thank God.
And, thank you, too.
Dirk
So I'm not the only guy who made that trip passed out and, rather than address it, go for the 'Marathon Two Month Bender' prior to letting the real horror show set in! Yee-Ha...pretty amazing there are so many of us that had to 'push it's that far.
I don't miss it. Thank God.
And, thank you, too.
Dirk
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 40
3 Years, and a Long Way to Go!
Thanks so much, and it really went quick.
And, it's just that 'Quick' that could put me right back to Day 1.
This thread, and my other, have been FILLED with so much great stuff and I've just joined this site.
It's like, our comments are a 'Focus Group of AA'. Directed just at us (me) and that is very very helpful. And if someone doesn't dig the content, they skip it. Now that's just awesome to this alcoholic.
I found this site when looking for information on REAL DT's on the internet, as mine were 6 1/2 years ago at 40. Surprised at the lack of info, I stumbled onto this site.
What a GREAT FIND!
Thank you to you all...you're keeping it 'Real' for this 'Real Alcoholic'.
And I need that...
Dirk
And, it's just that 'Quick' that could put me right back to Day 1.
This thread, and my other, have been FILLED with so much great stuff and I've just joined this site.
It's like, our comments are a 'Focus Group of AA'. Directed just at us (me) and that is very very helpful. And if someone doesn't dig the content, they skip it. Now that's just awesome to this alcoholic.
I found this site when looking for information on REAL DT's on the internet, as mine were 6 1/2 years ago at 40. Surprised at the lack of info, I stumbled onto this site.
What a GREAT FIND!
Thank you to you all...you're keeping it 'Real' for this 'Real Alcoholic'.
And I need that...
Dirk
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 40
Just Writing & Reading...
Wow...I so don't miss this.
Terrifying terrifying experience.
But man, it makes me value my sobriety today!
I'd love to hear some of your experiences, as I used to think I was nuts!
Thanks,
Dirk
Terrifying terrifying experience.
But man, it makes me value my sobriety today!
I'd love to hear some of your experiences, as I used to think I was nuts!
Thanks,
Dirk
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 18
Average started off my thing but then I tried to drink as much as I could in the 5 hours I allowed myself to drink. I say only 5 hours but really I woke up drunk most of the time and it basically lasted until it was almost time for my night cap again. I tried to rationalize it because "hey I don't get hangovers" and I really didn't even though I was only drinking at certain times I was drinking so much that my body was not able to process it all by the time I woke up. I was constantly drunk or buzzed but was not constantly drinking if that makes sense. When I decided to sober up that was bad the sweats (and they stunk) then the pounding of my heart my ears when I tried to sleep, when I would get to sleep I would hear what I call evil carnival music that would wake me up just as I would fall asleep. Not sure if those are DTs but they were for sure audio hallucinations.
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