corriec

So this was how it happened. Four weeks ago, on New Year’s Eve, this little voice whispered to me: “No way you’re an alcoholic,” it said. “Out of the previous more than ten weeks, you only drank maybe seven or so days, man. That’s less than 10% of the time. And right now, you’ve left off the booze (been clean), for 20 + days again, haven’t you? So have a couple, it’s New Year’s eve, it’s not going to kill you.” Which I promptly did. And then another couple, and then half a dozen more, and then a dozen more. And one more day, and another 'one more day'...
Fast forward a week – to Sunday, the seventh of January. I woke up feeling like s***. Like so many times before. Head hurt, bad liver pain, stomach pain, nausea, dizzy, woozy… But nothing a cold beer would not remedy; and there were three 500ml Black Labels left in the fridge. The first of which I promptly opened - at around eight in the morning. Nectar… and I felt better almost immediately. Then the next one I drank a lot slower; the liquor stores only open at nine. And then the third... and nine o’clock came, and another voice. One that said: “What in God’s name are you doing, Corrie? Again??” And suddenly all of the pains were back. And all of the s*** in my life I was trying to drown.
I did not go to the liquor store that day – the 7th - and I haven’t, since that day. Today is day 21 again. Three weeks. (I always start counting on the day I stop). I could have lied to my SR friends and said today was day 50, or whatever day it would have been… But why? Lying is just one of the symptoms of my sickness – alcoholism. And I’m trying my very best to break that mold and get well.
So here I am. Back Again. Still hurting, but already much better.

Stronger2017

Well done on 21 days Corrie!

eve123

Well done. Keep going I always told myself just one more time. Never got me anyware except straight back to hellsville. Go for it

b0glerd69

Thanks for sharing, Corrie. It's good to hear that you managed to stop again. Do you attend meetings - maybe meetings will help provide a stronger foundation on which to build your sobriety (e.g. people to contact when you are vulnerable/alone)?

Dee74

Glad to see you made it back Corrie

D

scaredikklegoth

Well done for managing to stop again. That AV is a sneaky git and often tempts us back with promises that this time it'll be different and then it never is. Keep going, you can do it!

ChloeRose63

Sounds all too familiar to me. It was me with Coors Light...glad you made it back. Thanks for the nasty reminder of just what "one can't hurt" will do to us. Stay strong!

joandmelandhan

Corriec I'm so pleased to see you back. The real authentic you that knows the snivelling whining of the AV when he hears it. 21 hard earned days I'm sure. I remember the fight well. Every day free of that poison is a victory my friend.
I committed to posting here on SR at least once every day without fail. It has made all the difference. Maybe check out the 24 hour thread and join us there to do the same?
You CAN beat this you know. I know it takes some real guts and determination but it is absolutely achievable. Take care xxx

FBL

Glad you made it back Corrie. We need to be honest with ourselves, first and foremost. So, what's the plan the next time that little voice whispers to you?

Rar

You did good making it back Corriec. It took me over a year to make it back and now I'm only on Day 18. AS Chloerose pointed out, "only one can hurt". You can do this!

badlands

Amazing!

That scenario is way to familiar to me. It was so easy to have that first beer in the AM to kill the hangover, and it was off to the races again. Such a nightmare.

Mac4711

Corrie, thanks for sharing, welcome back! Glad to hear you’ve already got 21 days under your belt again - promise yourself that next time you’ll have such thoughts you log on to SR first before you touch a drink!

Harley1973

I also started out the New Year with a bender that landed me in inpatient detox for a week. My bender lasted close to 2 weeks, not really sure exactly because the last days are a complete blur!!! Luckily or unlucky depending on how you look at it they rehab allowed smoking cigarettes. I don’t think I’d had the power to quit both at same time. Once I get some more sober days under my belt I’m gonna attempt to quit the cigarettes too.

Harley1973

I’ve noticed I have a pattern of going on a bender almost immediately every year after Christmas. For some reason I get triggered when Christmas is over.

corriec

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words - again, and your support - again.
And to Harley: Harley, if you can lay off alcohol, giving up cigarettes is a walk in the park. I smoked for 22 years and was a thirty a day man. One day something just sort of clicked when I finished a pack; I never bought another one or smoked another one, and it's been 15 years. (Stopped 1st October 2002). As far as I'm concerned, alcohol is an addiction, smoking is just a bad, stinky habit. Good luck with it!
PS. I hear you on the Christmas thing. This was my first sober one in many years, but then of course came New Year... and s*** happens/ happened.

feldknocker

I am glad you shared this. It makes me think of all the times I have heard that same voice. Hearing your story has given me pause to remind myself of how insane that voice is. Just like with you, the first one is the downfall.

waynetheking

Time to kill the AV.

Hevyn

We're so glad you're here. You'll be more determined now.