Only a month early...

Old 01-23-2018, 06:47 PM
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Only a month early...

So I made it to 5 months. Not exactly a 'chip-worthy' occasion but something that I'm a little proud of nonetheless. Lots of virtual high-fives and the like. I've heard that typically around the 6 month mark magically somehow the AV appears to blindside your bliss with reckless abandon-not dissimilar to that first spat with the spouse during the first year of marriage. Well, today the AV didn't just materialize from oblivion and light on my shoulder.

This jacka** came up and sucker punched me. No, I didn't relapse. Thankfully.

I had always wondered what that first *true* encounter with the dreaded AV would be like--not that I obsessed about it to any length. I don't think I'd experienced it ...yet. No, I'm not looking for a fix for the AV (so please spare me the 'call your sponsor' or 'go to a meeting' rhetoric...I'm totally aware of the available countermeasures. Thx )

You see, as I understand it there's no real 'fix' for the AV. I just have to ignore it rather than contend with it. It's an annoyance but not a permanent annoyance. That much I can say as I type this.

I currently work in IT and was having a pretty effective technical telephone interview from my car during lunch. As I gazed out my window during some stressful moments (and there were just a few!) my AV didn't just whisper, it shrieked: "Some shots would relax you Todd, just like before!"

Gah. Just end it. Now.

The same berserker that visited during lunch hit on the way home.
"There's the liquor store you hit before your son's game last spring, Todd. You're far better equipped to manage your drinking. Why not? Things suck pretty bad right about now"

Just. Keep. Driving.

The AV's not just an enticing entity but an accusatory one as well. Just enough pain and guilt and condemnation to throw my hands up once again and assume my best Ben Sanderson pose. Yeah, you get the picture.

So the AV doesn't really live in compliance with a set schedule. That's for damned sure. When it (no gender here, really) decides to pay a visit--and rest assured it probably will--it'll hope like hell that you don't recognize it.

That folks, is the victory that I had to celebrate at 5 months.

That felt better.

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Old 01-23-2018, 07:19 PM
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Great job on 5 months! Keep up the good work, it only gets better!! Wishing you the best!!
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Old 01-23-2018, 08:00 PM
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Two of the meetings I go to give monthly chips, and an 18 month chip, too. So it is a legit anniversary.

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Old 01-23-2018, 08:00 PM
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Kinda like Russell Crowe in "A Beautiful Mind."

Hopefully you're not walking around in circles talking to yourself like a madman.
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Old 01-23-2018, 08:13 PM
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Some thoughts on the transition from early sobriety to long term recovery:

1) Getting sober and living sober are two different things. In fact, they are two completely different phases of recovery. Early recovery is nothing like being 2, 4, or 8 years sober. It is so different that many people relapse because they never move past the initial phase of recovery where they are just hanging on for dear life to stay sober. This no longer works after a few months in recovery and eventually you have to start growing as a person in order to maintain positive direction in your life. Beware staying stuck in early recovery strategies. If you depend on group therapy after a few years in recovery, then something is wrong….

That’s from the ‘51 things’ post: (51 things you should know about addiction recovery)
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Old 01-23-2018, 10:07 PM
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Well done, Toddman. My experience was similar -- AV can be unpredictable. Doesn't hit me sometimes when i think it will, other times hits out of the blue. You did all the right things tho -- recognize that voice for what it is, and just move along.
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Old 01-23-2018, 10:09 PM
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Awesome job.
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Old 01-24-2018, 12:05 AM
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Trying to Enjoy Life Now
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It'll be back for another visit.

I usually go for a coffee. Think the caffeine, sugar, cream and heat of the drink switch my brain in another direction.

Good job! Whatever works.
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Old 01-24-2018, 01:16 AM
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ours de petit cerveau
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well done, keep up the good work. I tend to get jittery around anniversaries - whether they're "big" ones or not. I just passed seven months a few days ago without remembering the date & consequently was fine - go figure
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Old 01-24-2018, 05:10 AM
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Thanks all for the input and tolerating my rambling rumination

5 months shouldn't be a milestone in theory but for some reason it was.

You guys completely rock. Trufax
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Old 01-24-2018, 05:41 AM
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I had that same battle at 5-6 months.

I came up with a little trick of reciting (quietly, lest people stare) as many usernames as I could remember from this site. Granted I spent a lot of time here. I knew they would all tell me, "Don't do it." I got some strength from that more than once.

That AV is a life-destroyer. Not just when it comes to alcohol - but that little fear demon, "I can't fix this. This is getting out of control. This is too much. I can't handle this. What am I going to do? Why is this not going the right way? There is no one to help me," on and on it can chatter if I don't tell it to bug off.

Well done, big congrats!
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