MyLittleHorsie

I think this is just a vent...

I find one more aspect of recovery to be drawing lines in the sand and securing my own recovery. I wasn't maybe ready to start it this soon, I am enjoying sobriety too much, I love everything I have accomplished so far, I can't wait to keep going and accomplish more and late at night, when I am confronting and dealing with those things I used as excuses to drink, frankly being pulled into another's vortex is counter-productive.

So I have a client I love, in fact they are the only client I handle myself, great place to work, we bean counters are often relegated to cold back rooms when we come to assess books, here I have a bright, warm office and was asked to be on-site full time for 6 months a year, take on some non counter jobs, I happily agreed. It's a wonderful relationship, I keep him happy, I get a lot of referral work, in fact my firm works on referral only now.

So there is an employee of my client's we will call him D, (for Richard Head LOL). He is an admitted alcoholic in the throws of the disease, he drinks daily, eats crappy food and smokes, he is also starting to push 60. He also complains, whines, never wants to work, but you cannot blame him, I am 15 years younger and when I lived that life, I didn't want to do anything either and I am in good shape. I think I am more sensitive to his daily negativeness because I am sober, I can be a sensitive person, I can also be cold and calculating, depends on whether there is a dollar bill on the table I am really finding I have to draw lines, I don't answer him back when he goes on incessantly about the number of jobs we have lined up for him, or the fact I am sending him to a new client, who lives no more distance than others we have, but he doesn't feel well today and doesn't want to work. I stay polite and positive, even though I want to scream, go do your bleeping job, quit drinking and smarten up, you are probably going to cost us a fortune when you eventually keel over on a job. He comes in every day holding his right side, recently there have been a ton of revists for clients appliances he has fixed.

My client and I have discussed him at length, he is a huge liability and for a while, because he has also been here over 10 years, we were trying to force him out. Biggest problem, what he does, not many other people can do, it's a dying trade. Due to labour laws, we can't fire him for having a disease, we don't want to send him to rehab, if we fire him, we could be looking at a long labour board dispute and it would cost us a half year, at least in pay.

I am not the only one complaining, but he knows he sort of has us over a barrel, continued conversations result in maybe a one day reprieve before doom and gloom Eyeore shows up again.

He will not affect my recovery, but find my head devoting time to him when I should be working on me. Monday I have 8 wonderful weeks under my belt, I don't even have the training wheels off yet, in fact someone is still holding the back of my bike, be a while until I am popping wheelies with no hands. I guess it is just another aspect of sobriety and recovery, holding one's own while dealing with another's vortex. - Sorry for rambling.

MindfulMan

Remember that moment of silence where we pray for the alcoholic that still suffers?

ScottFromWI

Getting sober definitely opens up our eyes to those around us who have similar problems. It's very tempting to try and help "fix" others when we've figured it out, or to try and steer them in the right direction. I'm glad you realize the importance of setting boundaries, especially to make sure it doesn't affect your own recovery.

MyLittleHorsie

I do, but I find he still occupies my mind. I guess I care for him and want him not to suffer anymore, I just feel a bit torn because I also have to protect myself and the negativity, it feels like it sucks the life out of the room.

We have talked a lot about his alcoholism, he and I. I guess the hard part is, he isn't someone I can say or think, I am not in a place myself to deal with them, he is in the office every day, it affects me, it's like a dementor in Harry Potter. I sometimes even feel when he is around like his energy is a vortex, a swirling entity that is no good for anyone.

Believe me I pray for him, I pray for his wife, the kids and grandkids, because he is not his disease, he is an amazing guy, when he's clean a couple days.

ScottFromWI

Your concern is certainly obvious, but also remember that you are in a professional relationship with this person. Discussing his addiction, even if you have good intents, could expose the business you work for and you to unneccssary legal risks. I know it sounds cold, but you not only need to protect your sobriety but the legal/employment rules of the workplace.

jryan19982

Cant you fire him for performance issues? His appliances he fixed aren't fixed. Seems like he isnt doing his job so you can fire him for that?

Dropsie

I guess I would come at this the other way entirely.

Why do you say "we don't want to send him to rehab"?

If its the money, seems a bit cold, no? Especially when its not yours.

I could totally understand if you said the client wasn't willing to spend the money for rehab or the guy was not willing to go, but the WE threw me off.

Sounds like this guy really needs help and your client might be able to give it. Not everyone can stop on their own.

Done4today

Serenity prayer comes to mind. What disease does he have?

When I deal with possible addicts at work, it is by the book. Document everything, positive and negative actions. Make sure all boundaries and expectations are clearly defined and explained. When deficiencies arise discuss and document a plan of action.

On a personal level, if I don't manage them, then I stay in my lane. I would just tell him that if he ever needs help I would be there but they need to ask.

JK130

I hope venting here helps a bit. We're pretty good listeners :-) I agree with many of the commenters, and want to add that as you are trying to protect the business, you'll want to keep in mind that what you described was a lot of office talking about someone's personal condition, potential firing, trying to force him out, not wanting to fund medical treatment. He may already have reason for legal action.

I know that when I was newly sober, I was hyperaware of everything, make that everything and anything, alcohol related. Maybe that's happening to you too? You are doing so well. 8 weeks sober is wonderful! You are taking charge of your own health and working a job you love, and it sounds like you are starting to feel better and notice more of the world! Powerful stuff!

calvinm16

I have plenty of alcoholic or drug addicted friends that I tried helping and trust me it's not worth it. They have to want to clean up, otherwise it's pointless trying. I have a few friends who are now cocaine addicts and alcoholics. They ask me all the time "How'd you do it Calvin?" and I just say "I wanted to quit, and I decided to stop trying to quit, and to actually quit".

Being 4 months sober after several years of using some form of drug or alcohol to self-medicate my psychological problems has not been easy. One thing I can say is a couple months I tried to help someone also get sober, they failed and the stress of that actually made me go to the store and grab a beer and at that point I had to decide to put it back, or buy it for $2 and drink it. I ended up putting it back. That was the hardest impulse to break, honestly I felt like I had a gun to my head and if I didn't drink it I would be killed.

Try to think of a solution other than firing the guy? I know it's not easy been there done that.

You have my best wishes.

NYCDoglvr

Some people are too self-destructive to stay sober, although it's impossible to predict if he is one of them. I pray for help in saying the right things that might help another alcoholic and putting my own ego aside. We only have power over our own recovery, not someone else's.