Stayingsassy

Guys, it’s really hard right now.

I usually drink again between months 2-4. It sucks at this time. Tired, craving, emotional, gaining weight, no energy, anhedonia....pushing through, pushing at the gym, pushing at work, doing all the Xmas Work, doing it all but not feeling any of it.

Husband...who is being a sweetheart and giving me tons of physical affection, lots of support, friendship, all of it....was saying “you’ve been dragging a little, you ok?”

At least he only thinks it’s a little....I am doing my life but I feel like I am face down in the dirt. going to make myself stay downstairs past 7 and try not to lie in bed so early, I just want to be in bed, but I have to fight a little harder to be present.

It’s hard to know what’s sobriety, and what’s just me dealing with all my usual life stress.

Drinking again has ceased to be an option, so I am just getting through, and I am going to make an effort to smile, and to try to be grateful for all the gifts I still have in life, and try not to bring everyone down.

Ariesagain

Not to go all mom-ish, but have you seen a doctor?

Sometimes it isn’t just about not drinking...

Bobbieka

Stayingsassy, you can do this and the further away you get from that last drink, the better you will feel. You could speak with a doctor and tell them you are feeling depressed. They might be able to help you through this.

Hugs.

calvinm16

You're doing great. I've been having a few of the same symptoms such as anhedonia and I even made a big purchase for myself and it didn't do anything for me like it normally would. I was just like "Cool it will be here on Thursday..".

I like to think of all the positive things that come from not drinking when I get like this, it really can turn around my day or night. I also think of really how I am feeling now as compared to how I was feeling 100 some days ago when I quit.. Words cannot describe the improvement.. It's also cool your husband is supportive of it. My family is pretty supportive of it, fortunately they're not heavy drinkers but we still have alcohol in the house and lately I've been tempted but I know nothing but hell comes from that bottle.

You got this sassy! Enjoy your night.

calvinm16

I can vouch for this, it could be a vitamin deficiency or heck this time of year a cold or virus that's throwing your mood off. I know I told the doc I've been feeling dizzy and groggy/grumpy and she was like Uh you have an ear infection, take 3 of these a day for 10 days and you'll feel better. 3 days into the antibiotic and I already feel better.

Stayingsassy

Going to the doctor is a real problem for me. I don’t go. I’ve made 3 appointments in the past year and cancelled them all. I don’t think that’s happening. I’d rather feel like this for a year than go to the doctor...

Ironically my dad is a retired doctor and I am also a medical professional. I’m going to be one of those who drops dead without ever going (I’ve met such people in my work, lol) It’s not really a phobia, I just despise it.

calvinm16

haha I hear you there. I hate going to the doctors and I even tell them prior to sitting and waiting "Listen I don't want to be here anymore than you do. Lets just see what's wrong and get me out of here". When I get a new doc I always make sure they understand I don't like being there. But I usually end up walking out feeling better than I walked in or at least understanding what the heck is going on with me. I'm usually in & out of my doctors office in 45 minutes max including waiting in the lobby and signing in.

Stayingsassy

Yep, that’s why I posted in your thread....could totally relate. You have 100 days? I only have about 74, I told the husband it thought it might be another 3 or so months until I feel more like part of the human race.

Stayingsassy

Good for you for going...this is how bad I am: told my husband hey we are getting physicals, ok? Then I made his appointment, sat in on his appointment, then refused to make one for myself....oops. Thankfully he didn’t get irritated about that.

calvinm16

Yeah I've got around 107 days I think now, I'd have to check my calendar. I hear it isn't until the 5-6 month mark where our brains start operating normally again and most of the damage we've done is reversed. At least anything that's possible to reverse should be by then. It's a long process and I'm very impatient..

P.S I hate physicals, the last time I had a female doctor do it and she asked if her training nurses or something along those lines could observe so I agreed, it was a guy and 2 girls.. Never again. I'm not sure if that was even standard practice! xD

Ariesagain

What’s the reason behind the reason?

Stayingsassy

Aha. I could delve into that, but I’d have to go to the doctor to find that out.

Stayingsassy

Thing is, I’ve been doing crossfit four times a week also, which is more than I’m used to. Generally speaking, people who have a genuine physical problem cannot do crossfit. It’s intense.

I think I’m just blue, eating crap I shouldn’t to reward myself and get a dopamine hit, drinking too much coffee, burning the candle at both ends and not finding a way to get out of all the nonsense I seem required to do to, and just kind of overwhelmed with sobriety also. I cried for about an hour this morning, that was helpful actually.

calvinm16

Maybe do a more mild holiday? Try to take the time for relaxing and sitting on your butt instead of working so hard? I did that the last week and I'm feeling way better since my episode a few days ago. My main problem is I hate my job and dread clocking in every morning.

ScottFromWI

That could certainly be it, or part of it. Remember too that some of the after effects of quitting can take months, even years to fully clear up. Especially the psychological side of things. And yes, "dealing with life" is hard to separate from sobriety...but both have to happen in order for each one to work.

Flat out refusing to see a doctor when it could be helpful sounds a lot like your AV though doesn't it? How many times did we just flat out deny our alcohol problem even though it was staring us right in the face? I have health anxiety and while it's controlled I still have a hard time and get very anxious when seeing a doc, even the dentist for some odd reason. So look at your motives for not going....maybe right now isn't even the time to go - but "can't and won't" don't usually have a good place in either living sober or dealing with life on it's own terms.

Ariesagain

I used to kick butt through a ninety minute step class...and then go home and collapse. Felt terrible..not energized.

I was severely hypothyroid.

Just sayin’.

Stayingsassy

It’s been a stumbling block for a long time. Part of it is that I’m used to being the one standing up instead of the one sitting down getting treated or examined, and it just bothers the hell out of me. It’s also that I grew up never going to the doctor. My dad was a doctor and he just treated us when we were sick, the doctor was at home so there weren’t many checkups. So a lot of it is that it feels bizarre to go, and just not like something people are supposed to do when they are not sick.

When I have an illness or condition I’m worried about I go...I checked myself into the ER once because I was pretty sure I had MRSA and I was correct.

Not sure it’s AV, I do see it as something I might conquer later on, though I’m a firm believer that everyone is over treated and overmedicated as well...so it’s probs just going to be an issue for me.

Stayingsassy

Yeah I hear you. It’s possible. I’m not saying you’re definitely wrong. Just saying I probably won’t get checked...and even if I did, I probably wouldn’t take the meds. I know, it’s a thing.

Stayingsassy

My God I wish. I have too much family responsibility sometimes....it’s all revolving around me. Then I work a stressful job 3 days a week and force myself to go to the gym four days a week. I had that same thought, that it would be nice to sit in front of the ocean with a book all day long for about 4-5 days....

Good for you for doing the ass sitting!! I’ll bet it did help!

columbus

Maybe this'll give you a chuckle:

When you first started posting I read your username as...


Staying Gassy!