SickInLove

I had 3 months of sobriety and this week I ruined it. I bought a bottle of vodka and drank it over the course of 2 days. Then yesterday I woke up hungover and bought a tiny bottle to help.. that turned into drinking again all day. I don’t know if anyone remembers my story but I’m a mother of 3 small kids.. they deserve better than me. I’ve been crying all morning, swearing to myself that I will never drink again. I have the worse hangover and I need to go grocery shopping and I can’t do it because I’m scared I will be tempted to buy alcohol to fix it. I’m a mess and I feel bad for my kids for having such a horrible mother. So here goes day 1 AGAIN for me

ScottFromWI

Welcome back SickInLove, sorry to hear that you went back to the bottle. Coming back here is a good idea though - you'll find a lot of support and understanding. A couple of things to start off - buying alcohol won't "fix" your hangover...it will just cause another one and who knows what else. Maybe you could have someone come with you to the store or go to a store that doesn't sell alcohol?

Second - I think you are pretty clear that drinking was a bad idea, so don't dwell on what you cannot change - learn from your mistake. What was it that made you think buying a bottle of vodka was a good idea? What could you have possibly done instead? These are somewhat rhetorical questions so answer for yourself first. You had 3 months sober - were you following any kind of a recovery plan or program of any kind during those 3 months? You can always reach out here for support 24/7. Logging on here is free and always a good idea whenever you have cravings or urges to drink/buy alcohol.

Stayingsassy

How were you feeling during your three months? More peaceful? Life starting to make more sense?

Did you think when you bought the vodka that you would drink it moderately, or slowly? Or did you think you’d just go on a short binge then get back to quitting?

I ask these questions because at 3 months, you are either convinced that you cannot safely drink and you won’t pick up again, or you believe you can control it.

Whether it’s AA or avrt or a plan of your own making it won’t work without good old step one accomplished. Step one is necessary for sobriety.

Bunny211

Welcome back. I relapsed for 18 months before I could make it stick. I'm now sober and grateful. I believe in you. XOXOX

SickInLove

Thank you everyone, I am so glad to be back and hope to utilize this group more this time. I bought the bottle thinking I could drink it in moderation. I was having a rough week and thought “just a few drinks after the kids go to bed” . Poor thinking on my part. I cracked open the bottle the minute I got home. As soon as my husband let me know he was picking the kids up
From school and I knew that I wasn’t going to have to drive or take care of them on my own I proceeded to drink throughout the day. I kept the bottle hidden from my husband but I think he knew I was drunk. I feel so ashamed. I had to get up this morning and take my kids to school and I was so hungover that I could barely get out of bed. They deserve so much better than a alcoholic mother. My dad was a alcoholic and even though he was never out of control or abusive it greatly affected me when I got older. I need to get this under control before my kids get old enough so understand my problems. I swear I really am a good mom but this is ruining my life.

Stayingsassy

We raised three kids while struggling with alcohol...two of them are in college with scholarships and all three are fine. It’s not fine that they saw mom battling an addiction but one silver lining is that my oldest two kids do not drink. I know you are a good mom.

What you are not: is completely convinced you are powerless over alcohol. Once you believe that, it will no longer make sense to drink.

Knowing you have no control after the first drink makes drinking as logical as jumping off a bridge.

scaredikklegoth

Sorry you're struggling. This **** is hard.

SickInLove

I’m on day 2 and the urge is already coming back. Damn this is hard, I wish I wouldn’t have started all over again. Feeling depressed, anxious and mad at myself today.

scaredikklegoth

Just reread what you said about your kids and keep yourself busy. The first few days are sooooooooo tough but you can do it. Are you experiencing withdrawl? If so don't let it get dangerous.

I'm having bad cravings today so I feel your pain.

MindfulMan

Be proud of yourself, not hard on yourself.

You fell off the horse and got right back on.

Stronger2017

Congrats on day 2. Keep building the healthy habit. You really can do this if you want it enough.

Rob32u

Don't think of it as ruining those 3 months. You still have those three months in your pocket. Think of the good it did especially for your health. When you stop drinking again, you'll look back 3 months from now and realize that you've been sober not for 3 months but for 6 months except for a day or two. Your sobriety doesn't reset to zero when you slip. Looking at it this way makes it much easier to get back on track.

sweetichick

Keep going. 3 months is fantastic. You really cannot afford to drink with kids in the house. Even though the days are long I look back on those days as the best of my life. My kids are grown up now. Even if they are too young to notice, other people aren't. Please get through the withdrawals and go back to being sober.

Purpleskye

You sound like a wonderful mum actually. You put your kids at the beginning of everything you say. At the end of the day, we are only human - with a curious, hopeful, and sometimes addictive nature. You were curious, hopeful about it, reality set in, and here we are. You are on day two of being back! Plus you already know you can do it, three months under your belt is no small deal. Onward and upward!

SickInLove

I managed to stay sober today. I had a long night at work and came here and read these responses and it made me feel so much better. I need to keep busy and keep checking in here. Thank you all for being supportive.

Dee74

Welcoem back

Many of us have faltered a time or two - it's hard to change a life - but it can be done, with patience and help.

Have you thought about what you might do differently this time SickInLove?

D