Pathwaytofree

I had a very strange experience this morning. I was at church getting communion. Our church uses grape juice for everyone. But for some reason today, the grape juice stopped me in my tracks.

I felt disgusted looking at it. It looked like wine. I didn't want to go near it with a 10 foot pole.

I wasn't in fear. I wasn't white-knuckling. I didn't have any romantic thoughts of one of the good memories--how wine drinking gave me (a false sense of) happiness, peace, and comfort. I literally was disgusted. I said in a very matter of fact disgusted way "Is that wine?"

I knew it wasn't. But something in me didn't trust that. I even hesitated still, as I was dipping the bread into the wine.

In the past if I went to another church, I'd just double check which was the grape juice and which was the wine, because I was in fear of drinking the wrong thing. But this is reaction is new for me. What's going on here?

andyh

it sounds like you're protecting your recovery because you feel it's valuable to you. seems like a pretty healthy reaction to me!

Forward12

It sounds like you were lusting for sin. Let's hope you chose the right path,..

Doug39

I am Catholic and my church uses real wine.

I actually sometimes feel bad that I can't drink "the blood of Christ" - wine is such a big part of the Catholic religion.

But the way I look at it God understands.

Dee74

Could it have been older juice stock and something about it - smell for example - set you off?

D

August252015

I never drink at any communion.

Dee74

Long before I stopped drinking I stopped taking the wine cos I'd have to take it with my bad hand and I was afraid I'd drop the chalice....

I took the Host.

I figure God understands too

D

Pathwaytofree

Oops. Freudian slip there. In paragraph 4 I wrote "wine" and I meant "grape juice."

Andyh - thank you! :-)

August - not even grape juice?

Dee - thanks, good point that it was probably old juice.

I agree and think God understands. He knows our heart.

August252015

Path- no, because I never want to worry what it "really" is - I don't get close enough to do a smell test. If the minister (I'm Methodist, and we take communion at different times/frequencies depending on the Church) or leader looks at me funny, I just smile and take the Host. My business- and yes, like Dee, I figure God understands. Plus, I don't want to hold up the line for others

Pathwaytofree

Thanks August! I'm Methodist too. Your explanation was helpful. I don't ever want to worry what "it" is, and I think that's what happened. I didn't even realize I was probably holding up the line and I was staring at the purple liquid stuff in the cup with disgust...and with a healthy fear.

Does your minister know you're sober?

MindfulMan

I have a different issue with wine. I have training in wine tasting. I've served it at home. My brother and wife and bro's bestie were having dinner. They're pretty serious wine drinkers and had good stuff. I smelled it, and I could still identify the grape and region. Believe it or not, it's really not a trigger, I have cases of wine at home that I'm gradually giving away.

My trigger, and it's a huge one....if my roommates have an open bottle of hard liquor in the freezer it would be extremely easy to take a shot, and nobody would know. (Of course I'D know). There was a bottle on the counter and They drink very little, and now keep anything they do have in their part of the house.

waynetheking

I remember about 1 year into my sobriety I bought a cake that had brandy laced cherrys in it. I didn't know that when I bought it. So I took 1 bite and realised something was wrong. Tasted awful. My girl read the ingredients. We thru it out. I was pissed the bakery didn't post it. I'm really careful what I buy now and drink.
Alcohol is everywhere. I mean everywhere. Just stay diligent and adjust. It's part of maintenance. You have to stay one step ahead of the disease.

Pathwaytofree

Wow, MM, that is interesting. I don't think I could serve wine at home and I definitely wouldn't want to smell it. I guess it's not a trigger for you, because you're viewing wine differently as a wine taster vs as an alcoholic.

I'm glad your roommates keep the liquor in their part of the house. It sounds like it's too tempting otherwise.

Pathwaytofree

This type of thing scares me a lot. I hope you called the bakery and spoke with the manager. If things like "gluten free" are all over the place, "alcohol free" or "contains alcohol" should be on labels.

I like this: "You have to stay one step ahead of the disease".

August252015

A few thoughts-

Path, yes, mine does as he has long been a family friend; I don't attend my church very often but my fiance is close with his head minister who knows of both his recovery and mine, our engagement, a lot of things as my fiance completes a prayer/concern card for the intercessory team each week and often gets an email note in response or as occasional check in.

Re alcohol in food - IT IS EVERYWHERE. I have a chart that lists what does and more importantly DOES not cook off, and ingredient lists definitely do not always include the many forms of alcohol that can be in (or on) items.

I ask, ask, ask. Any sauces, any drizzles, any dish like risotto that is 99.9% of the time made with wine and no restaurant could make from scratch without it, in a timely fashion...salad dressings, sauces like bolognese (red wine in 99.9%) and even marinara.....the list goes on. And if I am not comfortable with the server's response or how my concerns are addressed, I absolutely do not order the dish. This is strict compared to some people's policies but I never want to ingest anything with alcohol in it and do everything I can to make sure I don't.