Relapse after 3 month
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Relapse after 3 month
I just relapsed yesterday after 3 month. I worked so hard, tryed to did everything by book, new hobby, relaxing, etc. I don’t even know what did I do wrong. I guess my biggest trigger is when I’m alone at home. That stupid voice in my head. Now my husband is coming home disappointed in me I don’t even have energy to argue with him. I’m already pissed at myself. I feel like such a looser he deserves better then dealing with my alcoholism. I guess I just need to stand up and start building my sobriety all over again. Does it gets easier? I thought 3 month in i would be stronger.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Welcome marikad,
Relapse can be a sign that either the recovery program you are following isn't working or perhaps there is no recovery program. In the latter case, untreated alcoholism often leads to relapse.
I learned a great deal from my last relapse and tackled recovery with a whole new willingness. Perhaps there is something you can learn from this.
In my experience, of there is no treatment or recovery program, it gets harder, not easier.
Relapse can be a sign that either the recovery program you are following isn't working or perhaps there is no recovery program. In the latter case, untreated alcoholism often leads to relapse.
I learned a great deal from my last relapse and tackled recovery with a whole new willingness. Perhaps there is something you can learn from this.
In my experience, of there is no treatment or recovery program, it gets harder, not easier.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Sorry to hear of your struggles. You ask if it gets easier. My experience was that I built up more and more tools to help me as time went on. So at difficult times, I had the help and support I needed to keep moving forward.
Have you considered going to a recovery group for support? Investigate which one appeals to you. I find that helpful.
Best wishes to you.
Have you considered going to a recovery group for support? Investigate which one appeals to you. I find that helpful.
Best wishes to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Marikad - welcome 
Sometimes it's as simple as listening to that voice and willingly believing the lie that this time will be different, cos it never is.
When you say you tried everything and did everything by the book, what kinds of things do you mean?
What have you been doing to stay sober?
D
I don’t even know what did I do wrong.
When you say you tried everything and did everything by the book, what kinds of things do you mean?
What have you been doing to stay sober?
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
For what it’s worth: sobriety is harder for me at 3 months than any other time, vigilance is key. I can relate to your feelings about your marriage. I feel the same, that my husband should not have to live with an alcoholic, so I choose to be a sober one. Dust yourself off and move forward. Apologize to him. One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
People talk about the "pink cloud" effect around 3 months, where many people feel like the newness of sobriety has worn off, it's easy now, and that little voice convinces them that they're fine and it's ok to drink moderately. Of course that's almost never possible, instead it leads straight back down the hole. 
I don't remember feeling that way myself, but I know 3 months or so is a really common timeframe to relapse.
What will you do differently this time around?
I don't remember feeling that way myself, but I know 3 months or so is a really common timeframe to relapse.What will you do differently this time around?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: south texas
Posts: 152
Good day marikad,
3 months is still an accomplishment ,
I remember a long time ago, back
in my HS football days , my coach using the phrase:
If you can't hold a job, you change your line of work'
Now striving to sobriety I re phrase that to 'I need to keep retooling my logic set to direct my awareness to what needs to be adjusted to achieve my goal'.
Knowing that,
Once I let my guard down , The AV takes me over.
Keep on Keeping on , You can do this.
Cheers
3 months is still an accomplishment ,
I remember a long time ago, back
in my HS football days , my coach using the phrase:
If you can't hold a job, you change your line of work'
Now striving to sobriety I re phrase that to 'I need to keep retooling my logic set to direct my awareness to what needs to be adjusted to achieve my goal'.
Knowing that,
Once I let my guard down , The AV takes me over.
Keep on Keeping on , You can do this.
Cheers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
Welcome marikad,
Relapse can be a sign that either the recovery program you are following isn't working or perhaps there is no recovery program. In the latter case, untreated alcoholism often leads to relapse.
I learned a great deal from my last relapse and tackled recovery with a whole new willingness. Perhaps there is something you can learn from this.
In my experience, of there is no treatment or recovery program, it gets harder, not easier.
Relapse can be a sign that either the recovery program you are following isn't working or perhaps there is no recovery program. In the latter case, untreated alcoholism often leads to relapse.
I learned a great deal from my last relapse and tackled recovery with a whole new willingness. Perhaps there is something you can learn from this.
In my experience, of there is no treatment or recovery program, it gets harder, not easier.
Thank you for your message. What program worked for you?
Thank you so much.
Marika
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12
Sorry to hear of your struggles. You ask if it gets easier. My experience was that I built up more and more tools to help me as time went on. So at difficult times, I had the help and support I needed to keep moving forward.
Have you considered going to a recovery group for support? Investigate which one appeals to you. I find that helpful.
Best wishes to you.
Have you considered going to a recovery group for support? Investigate which one appeals to you. I find that helpful.
Best wishes to you.
I appreciate your message. I think I’m lacking having tools to deal with triggers. I guess support group would be really helpful, but it’s so unimaginable for me at this point to talk about my drinking openly on meeting somewhere. I’m not good at sharing personal issues like that, but I’ll research it maybe I’ll find some good option online for me. Thank you again
Marika
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
For what it’s worth: sobriety is harder for me at 3 months than any other time, vigilance is key. I can relate to your feelings about your marriage. I feel the same, that my husband should not have to live with an alcoholic, so I choose to be a sober one. Dust yourself off and move forward. Apologize to him. One day at a time.
I saw your post about the ultimatum your husband gave you. Good for you having man who doesn’t put up with behavior like that and doesn’t enable you. I know how you feel. It helps me so much to read posts here, alcohol makes me feel like no one around me have to deal with it. At least no moms - the ravings about finally having glass or wine when kids are sleep, moms nights out, etc. I saved your quote in my notes: “Don't romanticize the drink, don't glorify the drunk: Its hell, you know it, and have gratitude for every day of sobriety you've got.” I love it and it’s something I have to remind myself daily. My family deserves 100% of me, not what’s left after drink. Keep up the good work, we can do this!!
Marika
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by marikad
Thank you Stayingsassy,
I saw your post about the ultimatum your husband gave you. Good for you having man who doesn’t put up with behavior like that and doesn’t enable you. I know how you feel. It helps me so much to read posts here, alcohol makes me feel like no one around me have to deal with it. At least no moms - the ravings about finally having glass or wine when kids are sleep, moms nights out, etc. I saved your quote in my notes: “Don't romanticize the drink, don't glorify the drunk: Its hell, you know it, and have gratitude for every day of sobriety you've got.” I love it and it’s something I have to remind myself daily. My family deserves 100% of me, not what’s left after drink. Keep up the good work, we can do this!! Marika
I saw your post about the ultimatum your husband gave you. Good for you having man who doesn’t put up with behavior like that and doesn’t enable you. I know how you feel. It helps me so much to read posts here, alcohol makes me feel like no one around me have to deal with it. At least no moms - the ravings about finally having glass or wine when kids are sleep, moms nights out, etc. I saved your quote in my notes: “Don't romanticize the drink, don't glorify the drunk: Its hell, you know it, and have gratitude for every day of sobriety you've got.” I love it and it’s something I have to remind myself daily. My family deserves 100% of me, not what’s left after drink. Keep up the good work, we can do this!!
MarikaIt is tough with all the cultural encouragement to drink, don't i know about mom's night out, mom's deserving wine, mom's "whatever," its all nonsense. You and I: we're going to do it differently, and in the meantime, we're going to be come calmer, more peaceful, more content, able to handle more of the stress that comes our way.
Be the strong woman you are.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Marikad - welcome
Sometimes it's as simple as listening to that voice and willingly believing the lie that this time will be different, cos it never is.
When you say you tried everything and did everything by the book, what kinds of things do you mean?
What have you been doing to stay sober?
D
Sometimes it's as simple as listening to that voice and willingly believing the lie that this time will be different, cos it never is.
When you say you tried everything and did everything by the book, what kinds of things do you mean?
What have you been doing to stay sober?
D
I tried to stay busy with good things, started to swim, yoga, waking up early before kids have prayer time and time to relax. All of that works great, but what I’m missing is tools when triggers comes. I just simply wanted to just get drunk, I was missing that feeling, so I pulled out nice bottle of wine and went for it. It wasn’t at all worth and it wasn’t at all what I was hoping for. An absolute moron, I don’t know what was I thinking would be better then usual. Anyway, i have to do some research on how to handle triggers and come up with better game plan.
What works for you? How long have you been sober, if I can ask.
Thank you again.
Marika
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by JeffreyAK
People talk about the "pink cloud" effect around 3 months, where many people feel like the newness of sobriety has worn off, it's easy now, and that little voice convinces them that they're fine and it's ok to drink moderately. Of course that's almost never possible, instead it leads straight back down the hole. I don't remember feeling that way myself, but I know 3 months or so is a really common timeframe to relapse.
What will you do differently this time around?
I don't remember feeling that way myself, but I know 3 months or so is a really common timeframe to relapse.What will you do differently this time around?
Thank you for your message.
Dummest part is that I wasn’t even naive to think that I’ll drink moderately. I just simply wanted to get drunk. I was craving that feeling and of course it wasn’t worth at all.
Honestly, I don’t have clear plan how to deal with cravings yet. Im doing I think pretty good job with my days and keeping my mind occupied, but I need to get tools how to deal triggers when I’m alone. Also social events are hard..this Saturday will be another test for me, I still don’t know what will be my answer why I don’t want to drink. Anyway, what recovery program works for you? Any advices? Thank you again. M
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Hi Marika
Reading your posts it seems to me that what you perhaps need to beef up is your emergency plan when the AV comes calling. I have 2 child free nights per week when my girls stay with their dad and I have certain things that I follow in order to minimise/eliminate the risk of drinking. Basically when I feel the AV coming on I know to leave nothing to chance. Not to trust my thoughts at all.
My safety measures include making sure I have plenty of nice food and drinks (non-alcoholic of course!) at home and gas in my car to prevent any need to go out to the shops. I also make sure I am properly hydrated and have a nice evening meal because hunger is a big trigger for me. Anger is a big one too - if it gets bad there are things I do to get the feelings out: a brisk walk, a nice hot shower, vigorous housework, posting on SR. Also I go to bed as early as I need to if I'm struggling. It passes once I'm relaxed, comfortable and fed.
I noticed you said "pulled out a nice bottle of wine". Do you still keep alcohol in the house? That would be the first change I'd make if so.
I'm just sharing my own little ways of dealing with crave nights. Although I too relapsed after 3 months. It was a conscious decision I had a bad anniversary in my life I was unequipped at that time to deal with. It was heartbreaking to go back to day 1 but I did it and today I hit my 90 days again so it absolutely can be done. If anything my resolve is stronger now.
Just one last little thing. Post here every single time you have a craving. There is always someone around to help.
Take care and don't let this defeat you. This is your journey, your life. Make it count this time I have every faith in you xxx
Reading your posts it seems to me that what you perhaps need to beef up is your emergency plan when the AV comes calling. I have 2 child free nights per week when my girls stay with their dad and I have certain things that I follow in order to minimise/eliminate the risk of drinking. Basically when I feel the AV coming on I know to leave nothing to chance. Not to trust my thoughts at all.
My safety measures include making sure I have plenty of nice food and drinks (non-alcoholic of course!) at home and gas in my car to prevent any need to go out to the shops. I also make sure I am properly hydrated and have a nice evening meal because hunger is a big trigger for me. Anger is a big one too - if it gets bad there are things I do to get the feelings out: a brisk walk, a nice hot shower, vigorous housework, posting on SR. Also I go to bed as early as I need to if I'm struggling. It passes once I'm relaxed, comfortable and fed.
I noticed you said "pulled out a nice bottle of wine". Do you still keep alcohol in the house? That would be the first change I'd make if so.
I'm just sharing my own little ways of dealing with crave nights. Although I too relapsed after 3 months. It was a conscious decision I had a bad anniversary in my life I was unequipped at that time to deal with. It was heartbreaking to go back to day 1 but I did it and today I hit my 90 days again so it absolutely can be done. If anything my resolve is stronger now.
Just one last little thing. Post here every single time you have a craving. There is always someone around to help.
Take care and don't let this defeat you. This is your journey, your life. Make it count this time I have every faith in you xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by bullmas
Good day marikad,
3 months is still an accomplishment ,
I remember a long time ago, back
in my HS football days , my coach using the phrase:
If you can't hold a job, you change your line of work'
Now striving to sobriety I re phrase that to 'I need to keep retooling my logic set to direct my awareness to what needs to be adjusted to achieve my goal'.
Knowing that,
Once I let my guard down , The AV takes me over.
Keep on Keeping on , You can do this.
Cheers
3 months is still an accomplishment ,
I remember a long time ago, back
in my HS football days , my coach using the phrase:
If you can't hold a job, you change your line of work'
Now striving to sobriety I re phrase that to 'I need to keep retooling my logic set to direct my awareness to what needs to be adjusted to achieve my goal'.
Knowing that,
Once I let my guard down , The AV takes me over.
Keep on Keeping on , You can do this.
Cheers
Thank you for encouraging words! Would you mind sharing with me what works for you as an emergency plan?
Thank you.
Marika
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Me again! Just read what you said about going out on Saturday night. Do you HAVE to go? If it isn't important I would say give it a miss until you are stronger. If you are committed to going then again have a set of emergency measures. Best one is to drive. That takes pretty much all temptation away. If you must go and are not driving then you are taking a bit of a risk (maybe?). What you tell people is of course personal choice. I told people pretty early on that alcohol was making my anxiety terrible so I've just given it up. made out like it was no big deal and so far it's been accepted no problem. Any old white lie will do the trick though for now. It's simply whatever it takes to get your head on the pillow sober on Saturday night. Nothing else matters.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by joandmelandhan
Hi Marika
Reading your posts it seems to me that what you perhaps need to beef up is your emergency plan when the AV comes calling. I have 2 child free nights per week when my girls stay with their dad and I have certain things that I follow in order to minimise/eliminate the risk of drinking. Basically when I feel the AV coming on I know to leave nothing to chance. Not to trust my thoughts at all.
My safety measures include making sure I have plenty of nice food and drinks (non-alcoholic of course!) at home and gas in my car to prevent any need to go out to the shops. I also make sure I am properly hydrated and have a nice evening meal because hunger is a big trigger for me. Anger is a big one too - if it gets bad there are things I do to get the feelings out: a brisk walk, a nice hot shower, vigorous housework, posting on SR. Also I go to bed as early as I need to if I'm struggling. It passes once I'm relaxed, comfortable and fed.
I noticed you said "pulled out a nice bottle of wine". Do you still keep alcohol in the house? That would be the first change I'd make if so.
I'm just sharing my own little ways of dealing with crave nights. Although I too relapsed after 3 months. It was a conscious decision I had a bad anniversary in my life I was unequipped at that time to deal with. It was heartbreaking to go back to day 1 but I did it and today I hit my 90 days again so it absolutely can be done. If anything my resolve is stronger now.
Just one last little thing. Post here every single time you have a craving. There is always someone around to help.
Take care and don't let this defeat you. This is your journey, your life. Make it count this time I have every faith in you xxx
Reading your posts it seems to me that what you perhaps need to beef up is your emergency plan when the AV comes calling. I have 2 child free nights per week when my girls stay with their dad and I have certain things that I follow in order to minimise/eliminate the risk of drinking. Basically when I feel the AV coming on I know to leave nothing to chance. Not to trust my thoughts at all.
My safety measures include making sure I have plenty of nice food and drinks (non-alcoholic of course!) at home and gas in my car to prevent any need to go out to the shops. I also make sure I am properly hydrated and have a nice evening meal because hunger is a big trigger for me. Anger is a big one too - if it gets bad there are things I do to get the feelings out: a brisk walk, a nice hot shower, vigorous housework, posting on SR. Also I go to bed as early as I need to if I'm struggling. It passes once I'm relaxed, comfortable and fed.
I noticed you said "pulled out a nice bottle of wine". Do you still keep alcohol in the house? That would be the first change I'd make if so.
I'm just sharing my own little ways of dealing with crave nights. Although I too relapsed after 3 months. It was a conscious decision I had a bad anniversary in my life I was unequipped at that time to deal with. It was heartbreaking to go back to day 1 but I did it and today I hit my 90 days again so it absolutely can be done. If anything my resolve is stronger now.
Just one last little thing. Post here every single time you have a craving. There is always someone around to help.
Take care and don't let this defeat you. This is your journey, your life. Make it count this time I have every faith in you xxx
Gosh you just made me tear up. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for your confidence in me and support.
Your advice and ways you handle triggers are really helpful! I will follow every one. Hunger, thirst, open nights is big one for me too. As far as alcohol at home, we have a whole wine cellar in house. Both mine and my husbands family loves wine, we entertain people a lot. It would be difficult have a dry house. Thats why is awkward for me suddenly not drink on social event and quickly I’m noticing some people are surprised that I don’t drink and don’t really understand. I dont want explain people why, its personal and it woudnt be often inappropriate. But I guess its tricky when people around me are use to that I drink. I used to “fake drinking” just by holding glass of wine but I felt just as same liar like when I was sneeking drinks when I drank. I hope I’ll have one day guts to say flat out “I don’t drink because I don’t want to” without sounding apologetic. How do you deal with situations like this?
Also congratulations on your 90 days!! Nice work I know how hard it is, especially on those free nights!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by joandmelandhan
Me again! Just read what you said about going out on Saturday night. Do you HAVE to go? If it isn't important I would say give it a miss until you are stronger. If you are committed to going then again have a set of emergency measures. Best one is to drive. That takes pretty much all temptation away. If you must go and are not driving then you are taking a bit of a risk (maybe?). What you tell people is of course personal choice. I told people pretty early on that alcohol was making my anxiety terrible so I've just given it up. made out like it was no big deal and so far it's been accepted no problem. Any old white lie will do the trick though for now. It's simply whatever it takes to get your head on the pillow sober on Saturday night. Nothing else matters.
,Unfortunately I have to go, but I have plan.
Simple - I will be driver. We will have our kids there too so early leaving is a must.
Thank you also about anxiety “excuse” in the future, I think I’ll be using it. Honestly it’s not far from truth. They anxiety I get the next day is unreal, never even knew what anxiety is just couple years ago.
Thank you again so much for all your advices. They are huge help for me. Btw what does AV stands for?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
AV is Addictive Voice, it's the voice inside you that says, "you deserve it" or "it will be different this time".
I had a hard time in sobriety at about three months and it was suggested to me that I start practicing gratitude every day. Each day find at least one thing/person/event for which you are grateful. That did the trick for me and made staying sober easier and happier.
Try practicing gratitude. It works!
I had a hard time in sobriety at about three months and it was suggested to me that I start practicing gratitude every day. Each day find at least one thing/person/event for which you are grateful. That did the trick for me and made staying sober easier and happier.
Try practicing gratitude. It works!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Originally Posted by marikad
Hello Dee74,
I tried to stay busy with good things, started to swim, yoga, waking up early before kids have prayer time and time to relax. All of that works great, but what I’m missing is tools when triggers comes. I just simply wanted to just get drunk, I was missing that feeling, so I pulled out nice bottle of wine and went for it. It wasn’t at all worth and it wasn’t at all what I was hoping for. An absolute moron, I don’t know what was I thinking would be better then usual. Anyway, i have to do some research on how to handle triggers and come up with better game plan.
What works for you? How long have you been sober, if I can ask.
Thank you again.
Marika
I tried to stay busy with good things, started to swim, yoga, waking up early before kids have prayer time and time to relax. All of that works great, but what I’m missing is tools when triggers comes. I just simply wanted to just get drunk, I was missing that feeling, so I pulled out nice bottle of wine and went for it. It wasn’t at all worth and it wasn’t at all what I was hoping for. An absolute moron, I don’t know what was I thinking would be better then usual. Anyway, i have to do some research on how to handle triggers and come up with better game plan.
What works for you? How long have you been sober, if I can ask.
Thank you again.
Marika
Keeping busy is good but sometimes that won't address the things we used to drink over - fear, anger, stress, boredom, etc etc.
I recommend everyone at least think about a recovery plan
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D
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