Stayingsassy

Ugh. Halloween.
Resentments.
Self-pity.

Also I'm so tired. That post quitting exhaustion is so....predictable.

I'm not going to drink, just drinking being out of the question within the context of my marriage is enough not to mention AA, it's just years, and years, and years of drinking at Halloween...I mean Christ my mom and dad used to hand us teenagers bud lights while we decorated the house on the 31st. Kids would come from all over the city to see that house, it was awesomely done up, they had a huge house and not a detail was spared. Of course: we would drink 2 bud lights or so and move on, the days of having a couple of beers are over, I haven't been capable of that in years.

Undoing years of programming: it just makes me tired!

Dee74

You can do it Sassy - make new Halloween traditions

D

teatreeoil007

I'm with Dee....maybe it's time to start some new Halloween traditions? Really. Does a person have to drink alcohol and eat lots of candy every year at Halloween time? No, of course not. Break the mold, girl. You go!

Stayingsassy

I don't have a choice not to. Just wish I didn't have intrusive thoughts, they aren't fun.

ScottFromWI

Part of getting sober is learning to face these kinds of thoughts...and yes, it's not fun. Good job on coming here and asking for help...that shows you are already finding new ways to cope.

Dave42001

I have to re-boot my brain every morning..

Halloween, resentments and self-pity, off the beam.. "stinking thinking" is just that.. nonproductive and negitive. I have to change my thought process every day.. wishing you the best!!

Stayingsassy

Thanks Scott, Dave....yeah, it is what it is. At least I'm waking up this morning without thinking it's good idea to go get a pile of booze to set myself up for the weekend. Small bits of gratitude.

Stayingsassy

Tea tree.....trying to think along those lines, it just occurred to me that I'm pushing against years of self made traditions however dysfunctional those traditions were. When I woke up this morning (with no hangover, thank you universe) I started thinking about all the people who remake themselves at all stages of life. Going back to college at any age, starting businesses at any age, just because I'm in midlife doesn't mean I have to stay the same, there's this weird part of me that wants to"justify" the years I spent drinking, which of course only means continuing to drink. Instead I have to move forward. Becoming sober even when the job, the relationship, the family structure, the healthier hobbies, and the home do NOT change, is still a total remaking of myself. It won't look like that to anyone else. But internally, that's how it feels. I'm Alice in wonderland, with all the good and bad and freaky stuff I encounter, with just about the same level of bewilderment.

teatreeoil007

Awesome post Sassy. You know, you can put that sassy-ness to good use in sobriety. You've got spunk and you can take that spunk and use it to break the mold.

I'm in middle life too and if you had told me 20 years ago I'd be struggling with all the things I struggle with today, I would have denied that notion and disagreed. But, midlife just hasn't been as "easy" for me as I though it would be. So, my sense of humor has been really helpful, ya know? Because the fact is I cannot stop time. None of us can. Each day we are one day older...and I'm not too crazy about that...but there's nothing I can do to change that fact. My mom, my sister and one of my sisters in law went back to college and got their degrees when they were 47. So, I don't know how old you are, but I can surely relate to the midlife thing.

I think I've got it rough? Well, now, wait a minute. I don't have it nearly as rough as many others do.

Yeah, stinkin' thinkin' at its finest DOES make us want to justify whatever it is we do that may not be so good for us.

teatreeoil007

Sometimes it's hard to break with traditions....and not all traditions are bad....but ever wonder how the various traditions got started? Especially this time of year with Thanksgiving and Christmas just around the corner...after Halloween, of course...

For so many folks the various holiday traditions DO come with alcohol of some sort. It's like it's embedded in our society and in our psycheeee. It's like any excuse to party and drink! But, we don't have to go along with all that. We just don't. We can do it differently and not have to deal with the guilt.

Maybe you could dress up like Alice in Wonderland this year!

Stayingsassy

Maybe I could! Haha, I like it. Yeah I am 48, and that sense that time is running out hit me around 46. Some good and some bad came out of it...with visible signs that my youthfulness was declining I decided to make myself look as good as I possibly could, mainly for fun. It *was* fun, more than I thought it would be, and totally different than my usual bohemian intellectual feminist outlook. Unfortunately along with it came more drinking, more concerts, more nights out, more parties....you know the drill. Definitely more drinking.
I don't know where I am in my midlife crisis now. Things obviously came to a head (a bottom?) or I wouldn't be where I am right now. Two weeks ago I had no plans to quit drinking, which just shows how incredibly damaging a single incident with alcohol can be, when the person is an alcoholic.

teatreeoil007

As midlife crisis goes, they can run the gamut. I've heard of women who never any kind of eating disorder in their past at all become anorexic/bulemic when they hit midlife and develop an unhealthy relationship with food....had to get down to a certain size because, you know, they felt they were running out of time and couldn't get skinny enough, fast enough. Then there are all those men (and women) who leave their spouses and want to be with someone much younger than they are...it makes them feel youthful again, or something like that. I think perhaps some people start to almost panic that they are running out of time.

Stayingsassy

I've read that if people can just get through this stage without causing too much damage, they can find a new peacefulness in old age. I'm hoping to avoid divorce, job loss, liver failure and the gutter...I've got one solution for that and just needing it to stick.

andyh

if you feel like your time is running out, harness the thought & imagine how much time you could add to your life by quitting drinking!

BullDog777

that's a kick a$$ attitude.

teatreeoil007

I'd just encourage you to be patient with yourself during this midlife whatever we want to call it. It's another phase we go through and we need to make peace with it because what have we got lose by not making peace with it? I'm not saying just let yourself go...but just be patient with the changes. Just do your best from day to day. Some things get better the older we get.