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Feeling defeated

Old 08-30-2017, 11:59 AM
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Feeling defeated

I can't remember the last time I was sober, I know it doesn't seem like a lot to some people, but I'm averaging 10-12 beers every single night, during the week. Who knows how many on the weekend.
I can get up feeling like nothing happened, function.
I grab my beer on my lunch break and I have a sense of relief it's there waiting for me after work.
I don't want to be like this anymore but I love it, if it didn't destroy me I would live off it, but it's no life.
It's terrifing to think about sitting alone with myself.
Can anyone else relate?
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Old 08-30-2017, 12:07 PM
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I felt that way towards the end of my drinking days, while I was still semi-functional and able to go to work most of the time, drinking about that amount every night, more on weekends. Eventually I couldn't function anymore. But I felt like I needed it, and in a way I did "need" it, because I was addicted to alcohol, and of course I loved it because the alternative was horrible withdrawal, anxiety, depression. When I was drinking I could forget about all that, even though each drink just made it all worse.

The only way to quit is, to quit. I pretty much guarantee, and I'm sure dozens of other folks here can relate, that life on the other side, without alcohol, is far more satisfying, productive and happy. But you have to go through the quitting process, there is no way around it, and it sucks.

Have you ever seriously tried to quit before? There are many, many things you can do to make the quitting and staying quit parts easier and more likely to succeed.
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Old 08-30-2017, 12:14 PM
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Thank you needed to hear something to make me feel at ease.
Im on a waiting list for mental health and addictions. 4-6 months.
I am interested in trying an AA meeting. The day comes and I get anxious and go to the liqour store instead.
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Old 08-30-2017, 12:34 PM
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there may be an AA hotline in your area you can call. might be able to have someone from AA pick ya up for a meeting.

HOWEVER
feeling defeated and being defeated are 2 different things.
i FELT defeated for a very long time.
when i finally WAS defeated i got my ass to AA without stopping at the store- i didnt allow the thought of getting alcohol control my actions.
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Old 08-30-2017, 12:39 PM
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Originally Posted by LifeinJune View Post
I can't remember the last time I was sober, I know it doesn't seem like a lot to some people, but I'm averaging 10-12 beers every single night, during the week. Who knows how many on the weekend.
I can get up feeling like nothing happened, function.
I grab my beer on my lunch break and I have a sense of relief it's there waiting for me after work.
I don't want to be like this anymore but I love it, if it didn't destroy me I would live off it, but it's no life.
It's terrifing to think about sitting alone with myself.
Can anyone else relate?
Back in my drinking days I could have written this post. This was my life everyday for 27 years.

I loved drinking (so I told myself) and I knew it was slowly destroying my mind, body and soul.

But I didn't know how to quit - I actually feared quitting because alcohol was such a huge part of my life I couldn't see how I could live without it.

It has been 310 days since my last drink - I had to hit rock bottom to quit. You will know when it is time to change.
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Old 08-30-2017, 12:55 PM
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Thank you for all the replies, it really helps

And those who are are newly sober, or have been sober for months or going on years, you're a great inspiration and I wish you luck
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Old 08-30-2017, 01:28 PM
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Yes I am right there with you,been on this site for years ,reading,hoping I would change again.Stayed sober for almost 14 years at one point,Now for the last 4 1/2 years I drink 10-12 a night ,everynight,weekends twice that.I have been weaning down for the last 2 years,can only seen to get down to 7, then the next night t I don't feel good back up to the amount again.
Still work 2 jobs,but do less,fishing,hunting,home repair,socializing everyday.Most nights I cannot leave the house after 7 will not drive anymore..Crazy but true.....Ya I feel that way often
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Old 08-30-2017, 01:28 PM
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I'll just chime in here and add to the chorus. A sober life is so incredibly much better than a life shackled by addiction. Many, many people are in a very similar position to you. Some quit, some don't. The one certainty is that the people that quit are happier and healthier. I'm somewhere around 630 days sober and my life is far from perfect; but it is a thousand times better than it was when I was addicted. Good luck to you!
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Old 08-30-2017, 02:51 PM
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Originally Posted by soberandhonest View Post
I'll just chime in here and add to the chorus. A sober life is so incredibly much better than a life shackled by addiction. Many, many people are in a very similar position to you. Some quit, some don't. The one certainty is that the people that quit are happier and healthier. I'm somewhere around 630 days sober and my life is far from perfect; but it is a thousand times better than it was when I was addicted. Good luck to you!
Thank you and congratulations! That's amazing. Keep going
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Old 08-30-2017, 03:02 PM
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Hi and welcome LifeInJune

I think a lot of people here will relate - my life revolved around my next drink by the end.

I hated my life - even grew to hate alcohol - and I hated myself. I didn't recognise the wreck in the mirror staring back at me....but I couldn't stop.

Then I found this place

A little support really can make a world of difference. It meant the world to me to know I'd found people who understood and who believed I could beat this

Im glad you found us
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Old 08-30-2017, 03:34 PM
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Good to have you with us, LifeInJune.

Add me to the list of those who can relate - I drank most days for decades. It had once been so much fun - but in the end, it was pure hell. I was dependent on it to get through the day. I would shake if I didn't have enough in my system. I couldn't go anywhere for long or I'd need a 'fix'. I was trapped by something I thought was helping me be more sociable. It was wonderful to finally get free of it. You are not alone - and you can change your life.
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Old 08-30-2017, 05:28 PM
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Shacked to addition - that is what life amounted to for many decades of my life.

Everything took a back seat to my need to get drunk; it was so hard to change but I am so glad I did. I have my freedom and my life back.

I still have to work on it everyday and going to AA helps - I don't ever want to go back to that dark place.

Someone I know in AA just relapsed after 16 months of sobriety so it can happen to any of us if we don't keep working on our recovery.
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Old 08-30-2017, 06:01 PM
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I think it's very normal right before you decide to quit and in the early stages of recovery to find it hard to imagine an enjoyable life without alcohol. But as many here will tell you, once you stay sober for a period of time your outlook changes and the opposite becomes true: you can't imagine living a life filled with drinking.

Drinking robs us of who we really are and our priorities get turned upside down. Drinking becomes the number one focus. But as you progress through sobriety slowly those things that we value begin to take presidence over drinking, until finally those things are most important.

I can't speak for everyone, only from my experience. I'm still in early recovery you could say (only one month). But it's important you address any underlying issues too. Sometimes getting sober itself isn't enough to create balance and happiness in your life if there are things underneath the surface causing you pain.
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Old 08-30-2017, 09:03 PM
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Originally Posted by treeguy24 View Post
I think it's very normal right before you decide to quit and in the early stages of recovery to find it hard to imagine an enjoyable life without alcohol. But as many here will tell you, once you stay sober for a period of time your outlook changes and the opposite becomes true: you can't imagine living a life filled with drinking.

Drinking robs us of who we really are and our priorities get turned upside down. Drinking becomes the number one focus. But as you progress through sobriety slowly those things that we value begin to take presidence over drinking, until finally those things are most important.

I can't speak for everyone, only from my experience. I'm still in early recovery you could say (only one month). But it's important you address any underlying issues too. Sometimes getting sober itself isn't enough to create balance and happiness in your life if there are things underneath the surface causing you pain.
:') thank you
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