Connecting with Normies
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 57
Connecting with Normies
Hi All,
This may be a weird question, but do you think it is ever possible to truly connect with someone who is NOT an alcoholic, if we are?
Asking because I am someone who isolates a lot, because I don't feel comfortable around most people. I realized a couple of years ago that the few people in my life who I HAVE let in are oftentimes folks who are in recovery or actively drinking.
There's something about the secrecy, the self-loathing, the lies, the pain, and the desire to stop that I feel bring us to a space of profound understanding. I appreciate that so much. Yet, it also makes me feel like a different species sometimes, as I have found it literally impossible to articulate what alcohol feels like to me, to a "normie". Given how huge of a role alcohol has had in my life, sometimes I just wonder about how authentic I could ever feel around someone who just doesn't understand that component of my life.
Just curious. Thanks!
Adam
This may be a weird question, but do you think it is ever possible to truly connect with someone who is NOT an alcoholic, if we are?
Asking because I am someone who isolates a lot, because I don't feel comfortable around most people. I realized a couple of years ago that the few people in my life who I HAVE let in are oftentimes folks who are in recovery or actively drinking.
There's something about the secrecy, the self-loathing, the lies, the pain, and the desire to stop that I feel bring us to a space of profound understanding. I appreciate that so much. Yet, it also makes me feel like a different species sometimes, as I have found it literally impossible to articulate what alcohol feels like to me, to a "normie". Given how huge of a role alcohol has had in my life, sometimes I just wonder about how authentic I could ever feel around someone who just doesn't understand that component of my life.
Just curious. Thanks!
Adam
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
good question VDGS.
for myself, i didnt feel i could connect with people that werent in recovery/recovered. conversations with people that had never experienced alcoholism/addiction seemed to be speaking a different language.
but as i healed and changed, i started being more comfortable around people that never had the problem. i could relate to them.
one reason is i stopped comparing. i learned there are people that face the same problems i did or do- they just didnt or dont drink over them.
because alcohol HAD a huge roll in my life doesnt mean it still does.
NOT drinking or taking drugs doesnt mean people havent had problems with fears, pains,insecurities, low self esteem, financial problems, problems with relationships,etc.
in short, i had a change of perspective. i started looking eye to eye.
for myself, i didnt feel i could connect with people that werent in recovery/recovered. conversations with people that had never experienced alcoholism/addiction seemed to be speaking a different language.
but as i healed and changed, i started being more comfortable around people that never had the problem. i could relate to them.
one reason is i stopped comparing. i learned there are people that face the same problems i did or do- they just didnt or dont drink over them.
because alcohol HAD a huge roll in my life doesnt mean it still does.
NOT drinking or taking drugs doesnt mean people havent had problems with fears, pains,insecurities, low self esteem, financial problems, problems with relationships,etc.
in short, i had a change of perspective. i started looking eye to eye.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
At first I had a much easier time connecting with those also in recovery. But if you are talking about just regular relationships in everyday life ( work, social, etc ) - I honestly don't have any idea if those who I interact with are addicts or not - I would never ask anyway.
So I think the answer is absolutely - we can make friends with people of any walk of life.
So I think the answer is absolutely - we can make friends with people of any walk of life.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
We are all just "beans". We all have insecurities, self-doubt and in some cases self-loathing. Not all of us are addicts or alcoholics, but just imperfect "beans". I think we make too much of differences that do not really exist. The difference is that some of us have not developed coping skills and are dependent on a substance. "Normies", may have all sorts of other idiosyncrasies, but just not be dependent on a subject. We are comfortable with other "addicts" as we have that in common and have had similar behaviors because. I think it important that we make connections with those folks that behave the way we would like to behave, so that we can learn from each other and share with each other, whether fellow addicts or not.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I've been sober a while and I love "normies". In fact my closest friends don't have an addictive bone in t heir bodies, I love them because they have a high degree of mental health. I get plenty of alcoholics in AA.
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