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Drinking culture

Old 08-28-2017, 06:04 PM
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Drinking culture

Growing up my mother was an alcoholic RIP, you dont realise as a child as it's all you know, the pub seemed glamourous.

I have tried to stop many times , I am a binge drinker sober for 3 days then drink to blackout or just about on a good day.

I never thought I was an alcoholic as I never drank every day , but I am as when I start I can't stop, at least 2 bad hangovers a week wasted days , wasted money and remorse, plus a few accidents and arguments.

All of my friends drink , I am in UK which has a binge drink culture , I need a circle of friends who don't drink.

But being 60 it's not easy to make new friends , any ideas I am fed up being sick and tired.
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Old 08-28-2017, 07:33 PM
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I know the pub scene is a big thing in the UK. There is a pretty serious drinking culture here in Midwestern USA also. I was a proud member until I unravled.

My advice would be to retreat from the pubs for a while, while you figure things out and get your strategies together. The important friends can visit you at home.

I did thus for a good while before venturing out to anywhere that booze was. At first I felt like I was missing out (this is common). I later realized I didn't miss a thing.
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Old 08-28-2017, 08:15 PM
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Your story is a lot like mine. I drank exactly the same way. I might have drink more but I kept running out of money, and I got too sick.

When I had run out of options, one Sunday I called the AA hotline. I arranged to see a recovered alcoholic, and spent a few hours with him that afternoon. I learnt quite a lot about my condition in that time.

He took me to a meeting that night. I met some nice people. From no sober friends, or any friends in the morning,I had about half a dozen friends who u derstood me my the end of the day.

They were all alcoholics, some recovering, some recovered. I followed their suggestions and my problem was solved. I rejoined the mainstream of life and now have many friends mostly out side of AA.

I read a post earlier about someone not able to go to a bar to watch a sports event. I can even do that, no problem because my drink problem was removed completely through working the AA program. Total freedom from alcohol, and an end to loneliness are just a. Couple of the benefits.
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Old 08-29-2017, 07:05 AM
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I am 10 months sober.

The bar scene was always glamorous to me - hell it still is.

But my alcoholism is a problem so I can't drink.

I have been to bars over the last 10 months but it isn't the same without drinking - now I try to avoid such places if possible.
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Old 08-29-2017, 08:35 AM
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Joining my local aa group was the best move i ever did, suddenly got a lot of sober friends who gave me lots of advice.
I value the regulars at my local aa higher than any of my drinking friends now - I think working the aa program not only makes you stop drinking but also makes you a better person to the people around you, at least that was what i felt when i went into that room this spring, and was so dearly welcomed. EVen though i relapsed recently, just knowing those people are still there to support me, is comfortning
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Old 08-29-2017, 11:00 AM
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I wouldn't call my pub glamorous, it's full of foul mouthed ex-miners who moan about everything...which suits me fine, funnily enough

Do you have any hobbies or interests which aren't pub related ? that would be an obvious avenue to pursue...
Then there are recovery groups like AA, but I personally don't know anything about those. They do seem to be working very well for a lot of people though, and you can't argue with that.
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Old 08-29-2017, 11:13 AM
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Welcome back WillDoit. All of my "friends" drank too - until I found ones that didn't. It's quite common for us to think that "everyone drinks" or that our culture around us is somehow responsible for making us drink. But at the end of the day the decision to drink or not is 100% our responsibility, no one can make us drink and no one can force us to quit either.

I would agree that it is hard to quit and it's also hard to find new friend/interests. But it IS possible - for anyone/anywhere. Seek out support and new friends and acquaintances virtually and locally. Meetings, online forums, support groups are all great places to start.
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Old 08-29-2017, 12:35 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Welcome back WillDoit. All of my "friends" drank too - until I found ones that didn't. It's quite common for us to think that "everyone drinks" or that our culture around us is somehow responsible for making us drink. But at the end of the day the decision to drink or not is 100% our responsibility, no one can make us drink and no one can force us to quit either.

I would agree that it is hard to quit and it's also hard to find new friend/interests. But it IS possible - for anyone/anywhere. Seek out support and new friends and acquaintances virtually and locally. Meetings, online forums, support groups are all great places to start.
I fully appreciate it's down to me no one else, I am not looking to pass responsibility , you may think that but I don't.

I do not think at 60 it's easy to make new friends , the world has changed a lot IMHO it seems to be a me me me culture, I have a hobbies like golf and motorcycles , I know I can stop and I have but relapsed.

I feel a problem with a binge drinker is it's easy to think 4 days off , oh well have a few end up 12 bottles drunk and hungover.

I have never drunk at home , but have gone out alone and got drunk.
Once I went to AA it never felt right for me.

I read on here yesterday a person checks in every day twice, I will do that.
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Old 08-29-2017, 12:38 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Welcome back WillDoit. All of my "friends" drank too - until I found ones that didn't. It's quite common for us to think that "everyone drinks" or that our culture around us is somehow responsible for making us drink. But at the end of the day the decision to drink or not is 100% our responsibility, no one can make us drink and no one can force us to quit either.

I would agree that it is hard to quit and it's also hard to find new friend/interests. But it IS possible - for anyone/anywhere. Seek out support and new friends and acquaintances virtually and locally. Meetings, online forums, support groups are all great places to start.
I fully appreciate it's down to me no one else, I am not looking to pass responsibility , you may think that but I don't.

I do not think at 60 it's easy to make new friends , the world has changed a lot IMHO it seems to be a me me me culture, I have a hobbies like golf and motorcycles , I know I can stop and I have but relapsed.

I feel a problem with a binge drinker is it's easy to think 4 days off , oh well have a few end up 12 bottles drunk and hungover.

I have never drunk at home , but have gone out alone and got drunk.
Once I went to AA it never felt right for me.

I read on here yesterday a person checks in every day twice, I will do that.

I am not blaming my culture or upbringing , just saying how I got where I am., I know it's my choice to take the first drink and I don't need you preaching ....

I must confess it's not very nice reading your shaming , blaming , judgmental post , I find it rude... It's the first one I have seen on here like that.
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Old 08-29-2017, 12:53 PM
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We can all agree we know what we know, the question is what do we do about it?

What's your plan for future alcohol consumption?
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Old 08-29-2017, 01:30 PM
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Originally Posted by dwtbd View Post
We can all agree we know what we know, the question is what do we do about it?

What's your plan for future alcohol consumption?

Well I am checking in twice a day , 48 hours now ... no consumption is my plan.
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Old 08-29-2017, 01:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Willdoit View Post
Well I am checking in twice a day , 48 hours now ... no consumption is my plan.
That was/is pretty much my plan too.
Learning about AVRT(great threads here SR in the Secular Connection forum) helped me with the no matter what and never changing my mind parts.
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Old 08-29-2017, 01:44 PM
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Try reading some the recovery stories on here. I found them great for motivation. I'm a chronic binge drinker. I could always the pressure building over a couple of days then I'd blackout on wine. Doing things to relax and de-stress really helps me make better choices, like meditation and loads of walking. It might help you too? Also maybe try out groups at your local community centre or classes if you want to meet new people?
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Old 08-29-2017, 03:26 PM
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Motorcycles eh ? I'm a biker...
There's something you can maybe turn into a new set of friends...
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