Hurt
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Hurt
So, 6 weeks ago I got sober and dumped by my BF of 2 years. It's been rough.
Just found out he's dating again. This pain isn't the same as the breakup. Its more like a kick to the gut.
Obviously this guy was not the love of my life. Honestly, tried to break up with him for 6 months knowing this. He didn't make me a better person, he's pretty screwed up himself. But this hurts.
The good news is that I am at day 45 and not considering a drink. So that's a huge relief.
I do wish I could fast forward a week or two and be over this...but I'll get there. Just venting. Thanks.
Jules
Just found out he's dating again. This pain isn't the same as the breakup. Its more like a kick to the gut.
Obviously this guy was not the love of my life. Honestly, tried to break up with him for 6 months knowing this. He didn't make me a better person, he's pretty screwed up himself. But this hurts.
The good news is that I am at day 45 and not considering a drink. So that's a huge relief.
I do wish I could fast forward a week or two and be over this...but I'll get there. Just venting. Thanks.
Jules
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Location: North East, USA
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Thank you both!!
I just thought and wrote this down:
This is not a rejection of me. This is a rejection of the old me. I rejected her too. He is not for the new me. He wasn't even for the old me. With him I only got sicker. I'm getting better for something better.
J
I just thought and wrote this down:
This is not a rejection of me. This is a rejection of the old me. I rejected her too. He is not for the new me. He wasn't even for the old me. With him I only got sicker. I'm getting better for something better.
J
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Originally Posted by Jules714 
Thank you both!!
I just thought and wrote this down:
This is not a rejection of me. This is a rejection of the old me. I rejected her too. He is not for the new me. He wasn't even for the old me. With him I only got sicker. I'm getting better for something better.
J
I just thought and wrote this down:
This is not a rejection of me. This is a rejection of the old me. I rejected her too. He is not for the new me. He wasn't even for the old me. With him I only got sicker. I'm getting better for something better.
J
Be careful in tying the current situation to you in any way though. His relationship with others and his life in general really has nothing to do with you at all...good or bad. Sure it feels like it should, but we have zero control over others and their decisions. Keep focusing on you and all the good things you are doing and you will go far.
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Thanks Scott...you always say prudent things.
I'm sober. I'm staying sober. Things like this that could be seen as a test, only allow me to pass, so to speak. I feel stronger.
It helps that I have great support here and in AA.
If I wanted to date, I could. I've been asked out by several men. Thing is that my sobriety is of utmost importance.
Also I find it interesting in the midst if this date, he thought to unfriend me on social media. He was wearing a shirt I bought him (probably the nicest article of clothing he owns) and she's not all that cute.
I know, petty...buy it's been less than 24 hrs. I get to indulge for a minute.
In all honesty? I hope he's happy. He served his purpose for me. I hope she's happy with him. Let her fund her own dates with him, his kids Christmas' & birthday parties etc. And perhaps she'll enjoy sleeping at his house that he shares with his mother.
I'm content to hold out for what I deserve.
In the meantime, I have work to do on myself. I will be filling the void with things only i can do for myself. Not by running out and rebounding with another ... I firmly believe I have to be whole inorder to share my life with someone else. Not there yet.
While it really hurts, I know I'm being the grown-up here. Ditched the rose colored glasses.
I have new prerequisites for a potential man:
Has own apartment
Actually divorced (2 years + later he is not, wonder when he will tell the new girl?)
Doesn't have to financially take care of me, but he should be able to take me out more than 3 times in 2 years.
Doesn't require my money to provide for his children.
At 40, I don't think these things are unreasonable. I think I got further along in my disease by settling for less.
That girl is gone.
Thanks again for listening.
Jules
I'm sober. I'm staying sober. Things like this that could be seen as a test, only allow me to pass, so to speak. I feel stronger.
It helps that I have great support here and in AA.
If I wanted to date, I could. I've been asked out by several men. Thing is that my sobriety is of utmost importance.
Also I find it interesting in the midst if this date, he thought to unfriend me on social media. He was wearing a shirt I bought him (probably the nicest article of clothing he owns) and she's not all that cute.
I know, petty...buy it's been less than 24 hrs. I get to indulge for a minute.
In all honesty? I hope he's happy. He served his purpose for me. I hope she's happy with him. Let her fund her own dates with him, his kids Christmas' & birthday parties etc. And perhaps she'll enjoy sleeping at his house that he shares with his mother.
I'm content to hold out for what I deserve.
In the meantime, I have work to do on myself. I will be filling the void with things only i can do for myself. Not by running out and rebounding with another ... I firmly believe I have to be whole inorder to share my life with someone else. Not there yet.
While it really hurts, I know I'm being the grown-up here. Ditched the rose colored glasses.
I have new prerequisites for a potential man:
Has own apartment
Actually divorced (2 years + later he is not, wonder when he will tell the new girl?)
Doesn't have to financially take care of me, but he should be able to take me out more than 3 times in 2 years.
Doesn't require my money to provide for his children.
At 40, I don't think these things are unreasonable. I think I got further along in my disease by settling for less.
That girl is gone.
Thanks again for listening.
Jules
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Just don't drink jules. You will look back at this one day and be confused as is to why you were worried about it in the first place. Sobriety will teach you things about yourself. Your confidence in dealing with people will improve. You're going to be fine. Just don't drink. That's the most important thing in your life right now. You can't depend on the bottle for help. After 45 days you have great start on a new life. Cherish that more than anything. It's all that matters right now.
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Hi. Thanks again.
I am very firm in my resolve to not drink. I've come this far, things are totally different. Despite all this turmoil, I'm not prepared to lose my sober time.
That said, this is really very painful. My head thinks I dodged a bullet, but my heart hurts. I just wish they would align. I know they will in time.
I know I'm just lonely. I know I'm only just beginning to actually feel again. Whereas I used to just drink to numb out and not deal with anything. That made it all worse These various circumstances have been really trying. But I'm not giving up.
An AA friend spent the entire day with me today for support. I hit two meetings. Drinking is not an option anymore, ever... Not even romanticizing a droplet. I feel very sad though. It's hard when you get dumped and replaced in a nano second. I get why. I was a horrible blackout drunk who just verbally tore him apart. Regret and remorse. Just sad. If I were to add alcohol I'd just be drunk texting, acting a fool and much more depressed. No thanks.
Thank you all. It's really great to be so supported during these lows. Tomorrow will be a bit better and so on.
As stated: sobriety is #1. I'm getting better in order to receive better someday. No rush.
GN all.
Thanks again.
Jules
I am very firm in my resolve to not drink. I've come this far, things are totally different. Despite all this turmoil, I'm not prepared to lose my sober time.
That said, this is really very painful. My head thinks I dodged a bullet, but my heart hurts. I just wish they would align. I know they will in time.
I know I'm just lonely. I know I'm only just beginning to actually feel again. Whereas I used to just drink to numb out and not deal with anything. That made it all worse These various circumstances have been really trying. But I'm not giving up.
An AA friend spent the entire day with me today for support. I hit two meetings. Drinking is not an option anymore, ever... Not even romanticizing a droplet. I feel very sad though. It's hard when you get dumped and replaced in a nano second. I get why. I was a horrible blackout drunk who just verbally tore him apart. Regret and remorse. Just sad. If I were to add alcohol I'd just be drunk texting, acting a fool and much more depressed. No thanks.
Thank you all. It's really great to be so supported during these lows. Tomorrow will be a bit better and so on.
As stated: sobriety is #1. I'm getting better in order to receive better someday. No rush.
GN all.
Thanks again.
Jules
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Location: Wappingers Falls, NY
Posts: 618
Re: Hurt
Did you say 45 days? Wow, that’s awesome. Going that long without the thought of a drink is pretty amazing when you consider the facts. I don’t know about you, but it took me a year or so just to get over the initial craving. I know; it seems like an eternity, doesn’t it? I would be grateful to have a few hours let alone 45 days. So be proud of your accomplishment. You made it this far, so it makes sense to go a little further.
As far as relationships go, well, there is no easy way to move on despite the initial shock. I’ve been through 2 divorces, myself, not to mention numerous relationships and it never seems to get any easier even after all these years sober. Even if you get through the initial hurdle there is always another one to jump through. It’s just part of living.
There is a light at the end of that tunnel, however, and my wife of 7 years can attest to that. She went through a series of failed relationships before landing the catch of a lifetime, so there is still hope on the horizon even for you.
If it were me, I would focus all my energies on remaining sober. It’s the only way to combat those additional problems you mentioned earlier. I hope you can sustain enough willpower to do just that, as you enjoy whatever miracle comes your way, now and always.
Stay sober, my friend, it’s the only decision that makes sense now that I think about it. The rest, well, it will just have to wait, for now.
Onward.
As far as relationships go, well, there is no easy way to move on despite the initial shock. I’ve been through 2 divorces, myself, not to mention numerous relationships and it never seems to get any easier even after all these years sober. Even if you get through the initial hurdle there is always another one to jump through. It’s just part of living.
There is a light at the end of that tunnel, however, and my wife of 7 years can attest to that. She went through a series of failed relationships before landing the catch of a lifetime, so there is still hope on the horizon even for you.
If it were me, I would focus all my energies on remaining sober. It’s the only way to combat those additional problems you mentioned earlier. I hope you can sustain enough willpower to do just that, as you enjoy whatever miracle comes your way, now and always.
Stay sober, my friend, it’s the only decision that makes sense now that I think about it. The rest, well, it will just have to wait, for now.
Onward.
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Thank you.
Very good advice. I can't say I haven't thought of a drink..but it's scares me. I feel too good. I fought too hard, getting 29 days time and again only to go out. I can't go through the withdrawl again.
I too have been divorced (only once thank goodness) not at all fun.
I've seen worse than this, so I know it gets better.
For all intents I'm doing pretty good.
Thank you all. I'm sure it will get crappy feeling again and I'll be back for more help, but having just woken up on day 46, clear and peppy...I'm grateful.
Have a great day all!
Jules
Very good advice. I can't say I haven't thought of a drink..but it's scares me. I feel too good. I fought too hard, getting 29 days time and again only to go out. I can't go through the withdrawl again.
I too have been divorced (only once thank goodness) not at all fun.
I've seen worse than this, so I know it gets better.
For all intents I'm doing pretty good.
Thank you all. I'm sure it will get crappy feeling again and I'll be back for more help, but having just woken up on day 46, clear and peppy...I'm grateful.
Have a great day all!
Jules
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
The good news is that I am at day 45 and not considering a drink. So that's a huge relief.
I do wish I could fast forward a week or two and be over this...but I'll get there. Just venting. Thanks.
I do wish I could fast forward a week or two and be over this...but I'll get there. Just venting. Thanks.
just focus on the good news. Lucky for us the feelings we have come and go so if you got some crummy ones now no biggie they will move along and a new set of emotions will come throughs oon eough. Emotions and such are like clouds in the sky they just come and go all day long.
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I'm really trying to focus solely on the good news...46 days sober.
Can't help it that the Ex pops into mind. I was doing pretty good until he got a new girl. This too shall pass. Good and bad, things come and go. But yes, the focus is on sobriety and it's goooood.
Thanks
Can't help it that the Ex pops into mind. I was doing pretty good until he got a new girl. This too shall pass. Good and bad, things come and go. But yes, the focus is on sobriety and it's goooood.
Thanks
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If it's any help, I came to realize that there is not one situation that having a drink will make better. Getting sober is learning to feel comfortable in our own skins, and that takes time. Forty five days is great!!!
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Good for you on 46 days!!!! I can definitely see where that would feel like a kick in the gut, and a big difference is now that you're sober you can actually feel emotions like that. Proud of you for posting and just getting it out into the universe!
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Day 47 coming to a close...still sober.
While there are still uncomfortable pangs in the pit of my stomach, I'm doing better for the most part.
Someone said to me earlier in this thread that some people grieve/mourn and others replace.
I am a different person now. I'm getting better. I'm working on myself.
He's not doing anything but being the same old same old.
Big shift in perspective for me.
It was never about wanting him back. It was just that he moved on so fast. Well thank you google! Insecure people who need to full the void/ not feel the pain of getting over someone get under someone else.
That's not me.
I may have been drunk whilest with him, but I'm not anymore. Drunk me settled for his less than stellar efforts.
There is something better out there in due time. Now is not the time. This moment and the coming months maybe years, are about my sobriety. I have weak moments when in my head, but overall I feel very strong, proud and like my old self.
I'm fortunate to not be someone who drank heavily from a young age. I'm grateful that I know in the past I dealt with much worse, sober, so I know I can work through this blip.
Acceptance...BB pg 417. Progress not perfection.
Thanks all! GN/GM...😆
Jules
While there are still uncomfortable pangs in the pit of my stomach, I'm doing better for the most part.
Someone said to me earlier in this thread that some people grieve/mourn and others replace.
I am a different person now. I'm getting better. I'm working on myself.
He's not doing anything but being the same old same old.
Big shift in perspective for me.
It was never about wanting him back. It was just that he moved on so fast. Well thank you google! Insecure people who need to full the void/ not feel the pain of getting over someone get under someone else.
That's not me.
I may have been drunk whilest with him, but I'm not anymore. Drunk me settled for his less than stellar efforts.
There is something better out there in due time. Now is not the time. This moment and the coming months maybe years, are about my sobriety. I have weak moments when in my head, but overall I feel very strong, proud and like my old self.
I'm fortunate to not be someone who drank heavily from a young age. I'm grateful that I know in the past I dealt with much worse, sober, so I know I can work through this blip.
Acceptance...BB pg 417. Progress not perfection.
Thanks all! GN/GM...😆
Jules
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