BullDog777

I hate the first of every month. I get all fu#Ked up in my head because I'm still counting months. Fifteen today. UGH.......

I couldn't sleep at all last night and just watched the clock roll by. it's pushing 5 am and still not a wink of sleep.

I just lay there thinking about how much time i wasted. ...how i should have been a better husband and dad.

To make matters worse, i have my annual physical coming up on the 10th and I've got a couple of concerns that are constantly on my mind....It might just be a side effect of a medication i'm on....but my brain wants to think of the worst.

I feel like I need to go back and address my anxiety. I don't like this at all. Everyone I know says i'm being too hard on myself and I probably am but I don't know how not to be right now.

there's no want to drink...just a short fuse because i can't seem to relax. I bottle everything up and then just let it play over and over at night. that's the way it's been lately.

Not a great place to be

Dee74

Hi BD

I dunno 15 months sounds great to me. I think you've come a long way, and you'll go a way farther too

No matter how much time we spend thinking about it, we can't change a second of the past.

We can do a lot with today tho.

Don't miss it cos you're turned around looking back
It would be a shame to waste any more days

Hope the physical goes well and the worries turn out to be nothing

D

FBL

Sorry you're feeling down, Bulldog. 15 months is a HUGE accomplishment. It might be a good idea to discuss your anxiety with your doctor. Try to think positive thoughts. Whenever I get down, I find a nice long walk helps clear my head. I wish you well.

ScottFromWI

15 months is great Bulldog, whether it's the first or last day of the month. You mention that you feel that you should "go back and address your anxiety". Are you diagnosed? I was and has a lot of the same issues you do....obsessing about health and other things, sleepless night, etc. Counseling/therapy and some of the techiques you can learn there can really help. I finally got help about 2 years into my sobriety and what a difference. I had hoped that simply stopping the drinking would fix everything, but I needed to do more than that.

NYCDoglvr

I found meetings a huge help because I got to vent my tortured thoughts to others who understood where I'm at. I think the fellowship of AA is the biggest help ... I kind of grew up there.

least

I used to take comfort in the fact that "this too shall pass".

Congrats on 15 months sober!

Delilah1

Fifteen months is fantastic! Have you spoken to your doctor about how you are feeling? Maybe you can share when you have your physical.

NulaMeansZero

At 15 months, you sir have kicked some butt!
Congrats, our minds are amazing machines , your body is a huge battery.
Wear down your body and the mind will slow down and sleep.
Walks, Runs, Activitys, exercise, whatver you can do to start wearing your body down physically in a healthy way (by the way) will help with those sleepless nights.
In the beginning it doesnt sound appealing but the long run of physically activity as hard or soft will do amazing thing for you mind, and eventually your tired and BOOM, Sleep....my 2 cents

BullDog777

T-Minus 3 days and the fast before the physical ..F$&K_!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Insomnia...grumpy....apprehensive...frustrated, scared...all of these things.

I just wanna run away and go numb....no i take that back...i want to go to bed and wake up monday morning. and then fast foward to the middle of next week when i get the results.

I wouldn't even care if it wasn't for my family. In my younger days I'd get shot at and never feel a thing. Now...all I can imagine is the look on my kid's face and it's heartbreaking.

The 12 inches between my ears is one SCARY F'ing NIGHTMARE.