steve-in-kville

Need a little insight, here. Not asking for pity, just experiences in this area. I'm a few months into sobriety. I feel very blessed. My problem is, I feel like I am having a hard time with society.... kinda like I was born a generation or two, too late. Family gatherings get odd, Church functions are a bit the same way. Having a hard time relating.


I'd like to think its just a faze, having to face everything sober and in a new light. Granted, I was never one to have a lot of friends. So maybe its part of my disposition.


Should I ride it out? I don't feel like drinking or anything like that. And I wouldn't even say its a "dark place." Its just odd.

Gottalife

I found socialising hard work to start with. In early recovery, recovery stuff was very interesting to me, but boring as hell to any non alcoholic. I liked to talk about me md my recovery/discoveries, but out there it doesn't usually make a great topic for discussion.

I had to learn to socialise. Learn the skill of small talk, something I thought of as shallow and uninteresting. And I found I needed to be a good listener.

SteelRes211

The booze was my social grease to help me loosen up being mildly introverted by nature. I'm two months in to my sober journey too and I don't really feel like socializing either at this point. Giving up the booze for me was like loosing that crazy trouble-making friend that will take some time to forget and grieve over. I'm also trying to relate to social situations sober because for many years every social gathering I attended I would be drinking before, during and after.

I know this will pass eventually and is a faze.

Berrybean

I think lots of gatherings DO get odd. And I never noticed before because I 'd had a drink and was preoccupied about getting the next one.

When drinking I'd convinced myself I was a very 'social' person. Even a bit of a party girl. Life and soul and all that. But since getting sober I've realised that I was trying to be someone that I just am not. And when I thought back to before I drank I remembered that I hated parties as a kid, and always felt awkward at gatherings (even my own family ones). And you know what. I've decided that is fine. If I happen to be more comfortable in my own company or one to one, or a small group, that's no biggie. And I don't owe it to anyone to be outgoing, or overly social. In fact I was probably a bit irritating in my pretend-party-girl mode.

I have realised that my social strengths lay elsewhere. In listening. In making friends one to one with people I genuinely like quite quickly. And I can do this now that I'm not trying to be someone I am not, and am not comfortable being.

BB

ThatWasTheOldMe

Alcohol was just... how I functioned.

Ken33xx

No doubt.

Being sober helps nagivate social settings

NYCDoglvr

What you're describing is the mindset of an alcoholic. With 25 years of recovery I still have a problem with isolating although going to meetings helps a lot. It's there I feel "part of", relate to others.

Ken33xx

You might not have much in common and there is nothing wrong or peculiar about that. My siblings and I are cordial but we don't have a lot to talk about these days. I went out with a group of AA members Saturday night and it was the same thing. We just don't have a lot in common. Nice people to be sure but not much to talk about outside of AA gossip.

greens

I think in the beginning I just felt like a fish out of water. Living clear headed felt so different after being in a haze for so long! After a while I got used to my alone time and differentiating isolation from solitude. I fall far on the introverted scale and did not learn how to accept this until sober.

August252015

Some good points above, from folks with different kinds of personalities and preferences.

I have found that sobriety brings me the freedom to do what I want- and not do what I don't want. I say this often but I am ruthless about what, where, when and with whom I spend my time. Everything I do - social events I go to and how long I stay, plans I make with people, even a visit with my parents or a holiday such and such- have parameters. I am a very social person- always was- but now, I am "satisfied" with much less stimuli/groups/etc - in quantity and frequency. One-on-ones and smaller groups are more my thing. I have found great freedom in being sober and able to discover and choose how I want to spend my time.

Which includes being alone. I definitely have that whole alcoholic isolationist tendency so I have to watch out for that- and I also have my boyfriend, sponsor and a couple other people who know cues and "tells" for when I might be veering into the bad kind of spending time alone. Recharging my batteries and carefully selecting what I do and with whom is good; hiding out or dodging calls, etc is not.

Discovering what I like in sobriety is pretty cool- and interesting. Some of it is what I enjoyed before my serious drinking- and some of it is indeed very different. And that's fine.

FBL

Give yourself some more time. I think it takes a while for us to adjust to living sober, but it does get easier as time moves on.

Doug39

Now that I am sober, the only time I feel out of place socially is when I do something that involves drinking.

Last night my wife and I attended a customer appreciation party for one of her clients.

In the past I would partake in the free alcohol, get ripped and feel at ease - but last night I had a Coke, ate some food and sat quietly while everyone else tied one on.

The best part of the night was leaving.

I have a family reunion to go to in July and in the past these get togethers were all day drunk feasts - not looking forward to going to that.

I just cope the best I can and keep reminding myself that staying sober in my number one priority.

steve-in-kville

Thanks for the replies everyone. I think I am going through some changes in regards to my spirituality, emotionally and even socially. Things that once were a super-huge big deal to me are less important. Things I once never thought of, or just laughed off, are more near the top of my priorities.

You dig?

Berrybean

Oh yes. I understand that.