Jules714

Finally bottom?
I think I've absolutely alienated everyone.
I feel more pain than ever and finally not a desire to drink it away.
Wow. What a bender it was last week. Don't remember calling EMS.
BAC of .38. !!! What was I thinking?
Had 29 days and then right off edge.
Today is 5 days sober.
Embarrassed to go back to meetings, but will drag myself.
Don't know what I'm going to do, really very anxious about royally destroying all my relationships yet oddly feel some iota of peace, resolve.
There has got to be a better way than this!! I was drinking to kill pain and now it has just caused so much more.
My body is a wreck. My mind? Shot. Memory? Shot.
I'm running gamut of emotions, even afraid to post this??
I don't ever want to feel like this again.

Opivotal

Maybe think of this as a new beginning? I've been in your shoes and it's insanity right? You can turn this around, tomorrow is a new day. You never have to feel like this again.

Throw yourself into recovery and never look back. You'll never regret being the person you were meant to be.

Jules714

Thank you. Yes. Utter insanity.
Looking forward to the new day.

Changes123

You can do it. Your symptoms will get better in time. Taking each day one at a time (cliche) will help tremendously. Pep talking positive messages to yourself hourly no matter how crappy things are will make you feel better in time. Good luck!

Opivotal

You can do this, Jules!

Jules714

Thank you.
The worst part is probably losing the love of my life. Can't even remember what I said. He's still speaking to me, barely. Can just tell he's done with me.
I *HAVE to do this. Out of options. Period.

CreativeThinker

Jules,

Sorry you're struggling. Keep venting...getting it all out will help. You sound really committed to your recovery right now...stick with it...we're all here for you!

Big hugs!

ScottFromWI

I hope this can be the start of something new Jules. Leave no stone unturned in your search for support. SR is here whenever you need us, and I hope you can get back to a meeting too.

Dee74

Welcome back Jules

The great thing is that, even after destruction, comes renewal and rebuilding.

You can make a new life without the mistakes of the past
I'm glad you made it back

D

Mklove

The love of your life may watch and wait and rejoice with you when time shows the sober you is really real and cool.

Carlotta

You never have to feel that way again. Go to your meetings and keep posting here. With time most of your relationship will heal and you will make new ones. You can do it ��

Done4today

Don't beat yourself up Jules. Use this bender as another example you have no control over your drinking. Once you start it's off to the races. TRY not to dwell on the past, nothing you can do to change what has happened. You can take appropriate steps to guarantee it never happens again. Staying sober, being completely honest, doing the right thing always, and helping others shows everyone within your circle that the Jules they love is back. As for going back to your meetings, be humble, suit up and show up. Nothing at a meeting will kill you but not getting sober will.

Good luck and many prayers.

FBL

There's only one sure-fire way that I know of to REPAIR your life. We CAN and DO recover!

Opivotal

How are you doing today, Jules?

Hope you're feeling better.

PhoenixJ

August252015

YES!!! Totally agree- I was on the verge of death and good money would never have bet on my sobriety and the vibrant life I have now (442 days).

I am an AA er and truly believe the BB where it says "no matter how far down the scale we have gone" (4th ed) - you can get sober and live an infinitely better life. It takes time and it takes commitment - and help from others.

Hope to see you around here. Today- don't drink. Take care of yourself. Repeat tomorrow - you can do this.

Jules714

Hi all... yesterday was much better. I hit two meetings yesterday and I'm getting ready to go to my third today. (I'm not working, so might as well work the program , right?!)
I saw 3 girls from rehab who are in a Sober living house in my town for the first time today which was incredulous. I felt crappy that they all had the roughly 45-55 days I *should have had but I'm back.
My boyfriend came over last night and I apologized for the umpteenth time, hopefully the last. I slept the whole night through having him beside me for the first time since I went back out.
Life is good right now.
Thanks again for the support!!
J

waynetheking

Glad to hear it, just don't drink. It's going to get better. Just don't drink.

Done4today

Great to hear Jules, just keep working your program. When things start falling back into place and everything seems to be good our AV will try to get us to believe we can have a drink. Don't let these mental blindspots tempt you. Keep up the good work Jules!!

SoberAlkie

You went on a bender; the world didn't end, and you're still here to live sober-to live your life the way it was meant to be lived.
Although I do not attend AA meetings, myself, I know from past experience that said meetings are one place you can go and say, "I ****** up", and everone will clap for you.
Congrats on being sober today, because today is the day that counts