HopeandFaith1

It's been almost a year since I drank. Have definitely had more highs than lows since I quit but the lows are pretty bad. However I have gotten through them without drinking.

I've been married a long time. We spent the first 15 years drinking together. Lots of laughs and lots of bad stuff too. I needed to quit, so I did.

Husband still drinks which hasn't really been an issue for me except when he gets obnoxious and acts like a jerk but thinks it's okay because he's joking. I did the same thing and worse when I drank so I can't really be too indignant.

My husband has been really short tempered and nasty lately and I feel really depressed. Not the kind of chemical imbalance depressed (I have a good addiction doctor who has me on low dose antidepressants) anyway it's just the kind of depressed that comes from being legitimately sad.

I've had some relationships really go south since I quit, but most needed to. It leaves me feeling a deep sense of loss regardless.

I don't think my husband cares what I'm going through. I've tried to tell him.

Today I worked late on an intensive project and when I got home he wasn't glad to see me. He was mad I wasn't home to cook dinner.

I am very tired. I think about leaving sometimes. I have this big rottweiler who is a handful but sweet (to me). I can't leave her. He doesn't even like her. You can guess the number of friends/relatives/landlords who would want to take us in.

Anyway I know this is a bunch of poor me crap but I just need to get it out. I don't need anyone to solve my problems. I just want something to be happy about.

Dee74

Hi Hope and Faith - I'm sorry that life is a little hard to get through right now.

This is a great community tho - maybe you can make a little more use of it - get some support and understanding?

D

Berrybean

Sorry you're feeling so hopeless. It's a horrid place to be stuck.

I've had times when it felt like every relationship I had was turning to poop. Turned out that partly that was me isolating, and I was also kind of imagining some of it, because once I'd got in that low place I didn't really feel very loveable, so kinda presumed no one wanted be / wanted to be with me. I can still let fear of people and being judged and not accepted let me feel that way sometimes.

One thing that has made a lot of sense to me is a book about 'love languages'. How we all understand and show love in different ways. The author believes that mostly people don't stop loving each other, but there is a breakdown in communicating that love. I reckon this can def be more of an issue in recovery when we feel so emotionally rocked at times, and also (def for me anyway) my perspective changed and so did the way I communicate and get on with people. I'm currently trying to assess how I communicate my love (and IF I even do that) for my partner, and how he does, so I can start trying to improve that line of communication. It feels like sometimes we're shouting at each other in 2 diffrent love languages and eventually giving up and turning away (sadly or angrily) thinking "never listens!" Obviously, I don't know you and your partner, but would it be worth a try to think along those lines? As far as them understanding what it's like for us in sobriety or recovery, I carried a lot of resentment for my partner not understanding, then realised that he just can't! It's not a case of people just not wanting enough to understand. If they can't, they can't. I just thank God that I have made sober friends in recovery who DO understand so I'm no longer depending on him for something he is incapable of giving me.

Anyway. In the meantime, hugs to you. This is still very early days for getting used to what is a massive change to your life. What does your recovery plan look like at the moment? Is it possible that there are some things that could be added in now?

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

HopeandFaith1

Hi Dee. I love it here. I've been around a long time. I feel that I've posted and replied to people a fair amount, though I know I could do a better job of it.

I read a lot on here and have often been very impressed with the raw wisdom and support here. I've been struggling with self esteem lately which makes me tend to withdraw. I was pretty nervous about posting tonight.

Anyway I thank you for responding. I hope you're having a good night.

HopeandFaith1

Thank you Berrybean for this, I feel better that you can relate. I'm still fairly new to sobriety and really struggling with what's real and what's imagined, or at least blown out of proportion. This is hard! But not nearly as hard as drinking. I just feel hurt and a little scared. Not a good place for an alcoholic to be sooooo...I think my plan might need some updating.

I see my doctor this week. I'm interested to get his perspective though I already know how it will go...I'll spill my heart out and probably cry, and he'll tell me he'd like to see more motivation and I should go to more meetings. God bless him.

Anyway it's late and I'm rambling. Thank you again

Done4today

Many Hugs for you HopeandFaith.

Dee74

Still afternoon here HF but thanks

Noones going to make you post if that makes you nervous, but a thread like the The Under One Year or Over One Year can be a great way to connect with other people who are more or less at the same place you are in their recovery

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-58-a-12.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-50-a.html

D

Jules714

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I can relate. My ex was alcoholic/addict well before I problem drank. I was miserable. He ended up leaving me...that is still a resentment that I have that makes little sense.
As for what to be happy about? You're sober! A year! Wow.
Continue to throw yourself into your work. (Can you say promotion?!) Walk that glorious pupper pie! Show him you are happy. In spare time make him some reheatable meals (for a short period of time) and tell him if he wants to join you on your new journey to happiness the offer is there...otherwise he can learn to cook for himself, stop obnoxiously picking on you when drunk (what you did in past is no longer relevant; you're not that person anymore!!) OR he can be alone. With no meals and no one to pick on.
I was that wife for nearly a dozen years...cooking, cleaning, paying bills, raising baby..I don't know that I would do that again.
We get one life. Too short to be unhappy.
As for me? Money is tight, but I have my puppy baby and my own place and I'm better for it.
Congrats on 1 year!

Maudcat

Congratulations on one year, HopeandFaith. That is huge!
You sure wouldn't be the first person on this site to see a partner with clarity, and dislike the view.
Hugs. Keep up the good work.
I am feeling a little down today myself. Personal and political situations worry me.

HopeandFaith1

Maudcat I do understand!! I think a lot of people are very concerned with the politics in our country, or maybe you are referring to work politics and I can definitely understand that too. Thanks for your encouragement. I hope you have a good day and start to feel better.

HopeandFaith1

Thanks very much Jules. Work has at times come with its own set of complications but I totally agree with what you said about throwing myself into it in order to feel some sense of accomplishment and well being esp. since things are not so great at home.

I kind of fantasize about having my own place with my "baby puppy" (haha), I make enough to support myself but yes money would be tight but I could finally have some PEACE and QUIET. I grew up with an angry, abusive father and a largely absent mother and when my husband turns into "angry man" I actually have PTSD type flashbacks and get really scared. I know this is something for my doctor to help me sort through.

All that I really want after all this time is to feel peaceful and safe! that is most of the reason I quit drinking! Maybe a lot of this BS is karma from the bad things I have done, heck I don't know.

I totally understand you feeling some resentment about your husband leaving, though it does sound like he might have done you a bit of a favor.

Oh well today is another day for us all, I hope it's a good one.

HopeandFaith1

Hugs right back at you. Thank you!

thomas11

Just want to chime in and offer my support hopeandfaith. It must be pretty tough going it alone. Just know that there are a ton of people in your corner.

Jules714

Hope/Faith,
I too have suffered a lot of trauma and have PTSD. If you can try to find a therapist who can perform EMDR with you it helps tremendously! Too involved to explain, but basically makes unvisitable things tolerable. Chips away at trauma. Helped so much!
J