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Routine shaken up...

Old 03-31-2017, 05:38 PM
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Routine shaken up...

Hey everyone,
day 31 and feeling good. But today my partner returned to his kitchen job. (the kitchen closed for the season and just re-opened today).
So now he's back working every evening. His shift finishes at 9pm but he'll stay out til 1 or 2am at the bar with his work mates (he isn't a drinker, he just hangs out).
I hate this because I feel excluded or whatever sitting home alone every night (not that he'd spend time with me if he was home - just play his computer). Usually I would treat myself to a bottle of wine and a film to numb the loneliness/rejection(?).
Our relationship isn't great. He doesn't enjoy spending time with me but also doesn't want to break up. I know I found it easier to sit back and drink, rather than facing up to any of our issues.
But tonight I'm sitting here sober so it hurts more than usual.
Just wanted to vent so I didn't feel as alone.
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Old 03-31-2017, 05:41 PM
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Great job on 31 days! I'm not great with relationship advice, but do you think it's time to reconsider that part? Seems like that is huge trigger for you and drinking?
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Old 03-31-2017, 05:52 PM
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Congratulations on 31 days! I hope you find happiness!
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Old 03-31-2017, 05:55 PM
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First off, congrats on the 31 days, I myself am at 8 weeks as of last night/early this morning.

I know this may sound like the obligatory answer, but if you haven't already, you might consider finding some AA meetings in your area? If you are a new, you will probably be given a newcomer packet which will be passed around so other women participants can provide their phone/text numbers. I'm sure most will be willing to talk/meet with you when you feel alone.

I'm new to the program and have been told to find meetings at or near the same time(s) when most tempted to drink. Perhaps on days when your boyfriend chooses to neglect you, you can proactively go out and seek fellowship with others that know exactly what you're going through?
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Old 03-31-2017, 07:37 PM
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Just don't drink over this. Stay sober long enough and the happiness you seek will return. It's a given. The mind and body heals. What bothers you now might not later. It gets better with time. Just don't drink. Congrats on 1 month, that's AWESOME!
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Old 03-31-2017, 08:44 PM
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I agree with other comments here - it's hard to base on one post, but it might be time to assess whether you want to be in this relationship or not.

If you do, perhaps communicating that you wouldn't mind some company in the evenings on some nights?

AA sounds like a great way to find something to do in the evenings too

D
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Old 04-01-2017, 12:11 AM
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Support to you
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Old 04-01-2017, 03:06 AM
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Some aspects of recovery involves looking at the reasons why we drink and whether there are any life changes we could make that would support our sobriety.

Drinking can mask painful feelings so when we stop its not surprising that these feelings will come to the fore. You may be experiencing this with feelings about your relationship. If you don't address them adequately then you run the risk of drinking to hide them again.

More positively, this could be a great opportunity for you to talk with with your partner and either really improve things or decide to remove yourself from the relationship for your own happiness.
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Old 04-01-2017, 03:21 AM
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I spend a lot of time self evaluating. I feel it's important to change all aspects of my life that have a negative impact on it. It's hard sometimes to admit that certain things need to change but feel it is necessary for my well being and therefore my sobriety.

Sobriety needs to be the most important thing in my life as all other things seem to improve if I'm sober. Just how I see it though😀
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Old 04-01-2017, 06:44 AM
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Congratulations on your sober time! With sobriety comes clarity. Don't drink, think. Sounds like you drank because there is something missing, either within you or the relationship. Can you figure outwhat that is? Would go a long way towards healing and becoming whole post-drinking, I think.
Not to go all armchair psychologist on you. Hugs.
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