Mr. Hyde
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 45
Mr. Hyde
Hi everyone, I'm hoping to maybe get some advice from you all, I hope you don't mind me posting. Thank you in advance for your patience with this long post.
My husband has been sober for alost a year after years of failed sobriety attempts, but he never did a program, he was too unique and not like the people in the rehab he went to, according to his professional opinion. He relapsed days before his 1st anniversary, maybe earlier but he's only admitting to then. I had been through a special kind of hell with his alcoholism and he knew that if he drank again we would be finished. I found out after he made me think.I was going crazy for questioning it. I tried to go about it compassionately, didn't yell or say anything mean, just told him that he knew the consequence.
He pleaded and swore it was a quick relapse and I should trust him. But it triggered like a PTSD type of thing in me. I was okay for a
Week when he promised to work some kind of program, even a self help book, I don't care what it is as long as it's something to help prevent this from happening again, but he never followed through and was angry and irritated when I got distant and told him that he had to save up and move out because he wasn't willing to earn back trust. Suddenly, he'd had enough of my **** and I needed to snap out of it because I'm crazy and he's tired of proving himself, it had been a week since the relapse? He decided breaking up was the better option because he was impatient with my lack of trust.
I just cried and sobbed for days, DEVESTATED and all of the old wounds opened up again. He told me today that I needed mental help and basically laughed at me for being so sad and crying because I brought this on myself. I just lost it, threw a vase on the floor in frustration and broke down, which was more evidence that I completely insane and he needed to escape for his own wellbeing. The he took my car to go fishing and came back wasted. Like **** face barely able to speak wasted. I wouldn't let him in the house, I have 4 kids that don't need to see that.
He fought me and it got physical, he took my phone so I couldn't call the police and had me against a wall so I bit his arm to make him stop. He says I assaulted him and he never touched me, I'm psychotic and he never did anything, I'm just a crazy peice of **** who is so mean to him.
6 weeks ago I was the love of his life, 1 week ago he was so sorry, today he hates me and has to get away because I'm the most horrible person he's ever met and the biggest mistake he's made. He doesn't see the link between when we started having a rough time and that it was right after he started drinking, it's in my head and we've been "over" for weeks because of MY behavior toward him.
Is it possible that je really truly believes what he is saying? How can you go from being the best thing in someone's life to a horrible mistake in a week? He's cold and cruel and really seems to believe that it's me who is insane and needs mental help. But he won't leave the house yet, he wants a month or 2.
What is the best way to react and respond to him like this? I don't even know this man, he's been replaced by someone I don't recognize and it's killing me. I don't know how to not make it worse or to make him see what has really happened to us. I'm completely lost and have to find the right way to make things easier over the next month until he leaves.
My husband has been sober for alost a year after years of failed sobriety attempts, but he never did a program, he was too unique and not like the people in the rehab he went to, according to his professional opinion. He relapsed days before his 1st anniversary, maybe earlier but he's only admitting to then. I had been through a special kind of hell with his alcoholism and he knew that if he drank again we would be finished. I found out after he made me think.I was going crazy for questioning it. I tried to go about it compassionately, didn't yell or say anything mean, just told him that he knew the consequence.
He pleaded and swore it was a quick relapse and I should trust him. But it triggered like a PTSD type of thing in me. I was okay for a
Week when he promised to work some kind of program, even a self help book, I don't care what it is as long as it's something to help prevent this from happening again, but he never followed through and was angry and irritated when I got distant and told him that he had to save up and move out because he wasn't willing to earn back trust. Suddenly, he'd had enough of my **** and I needed to snap out of it because I'm crazy and he's tired of proving himself, it had been a week since the relapse? He decided breaking up was the better option because he was impatient with my lack of trust.
I just cried and sobbed for days, DEVESTATED and all of the old wounds opened up again. He told me today that I needed mental help and basically laughed at me for being so sad and crying because I brought this on myself. I just lost it, threw a vase on the floor in frustration and broke down, which was more evidence that I completely insane and he needed to escape for his own wellbeing. The he took my car to go fishing and came back wasted. Like **** face barely able to speak wasted. I wouldn't let him in the house, I have 4 kids that don't need to see that.
He fought me and it got physical, he took my phone so I couldn't call the police and had me against a wall so I bit his arm to make him stop. He says I assaulted him and he never touched me, I'm psychotic and he never did anything, I'm just a crazy peice of **** who is so mean to him.
6 weeks ago I was the love of his life, 1 week ago he was so sorry, today he hates me and has to get away because I'm the most horrible person he's ever met and the biggest mistake he's made. He doesn't see the link between when we started having a rough time and that it was right after he started drinking, it's in my head and we've been "over" for weeks because of MY behavior toward him.
Is it possible that je really truly believes what he is saying? How can you go from being the best thing in someone's life to a horrible mistake in a week? He's cold and cruel and really seems to believe that it's me who is insane and needs mental help. But he won't leave the house yet, he wants a month or 2.
What is the best way to react and respond to him like this? I don't even know this man, he's been replaced by someone I don't recognize and it's killing me. I don't know how to not make it worse or to make him see what has really happened to us. I'm completely lost and have to find the right way to make things easier over the next month until he leaves.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Very sorry you are having to go through this MLO. His drinking is the problem, not you, and he will lie/cheat/steal basically do whatever he possibly can to keep drinking, including doing all those things to you. Addiction is a very, very selfish thing and it makes people put their drinking above and beyond anyting else - including the ones they love. He will say or do anything possible to keep drinking unfortunately.
I would seek help for yourself locally if you can, he won't until he's ready.
I would seek help for yourself locally if you can, he won't until he's ready.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
A very sad but all too common story. I would suggest taking a look in the friends and family forum for other folks with similar experiences. If it was me in your shoes, he would be gone. But that is what I would do, not necessarily what you should do. Perhaps a family lawyer can offer you some advice?
This is a nasty illness. What you describe is the progression of the disease. Hopefully it will lead him to a point where he can overcome his aversion to mixing with the common folk and perhaps acquire some humility. In the mean time, try not to enable his behaviour. He is a sick man, but that is no excuse.
This is a nasty illness. What you describe is the progression of the disease. Hopefully it will lead him to a point where he can overcome his aversion to mixing with the common folk and perhaps acquire some humility. In the mean time, try not to enable his behaviour. He is a sick man, but that is no excuse.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
I'm so sorry, Mlo1125. This isn't about you at all! Your husband is out of control, his actions prove that. There is no excuse for anyone putting their hands on another.
Please get a restraining order, and protect yourself, and your children.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Please get a restraining order, and protect yourself, and your children.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Ditto on all the above. He's sick. Unfortunately abusive. If you have a place to stay go there with the kids. It's the right thing to do.
This disease sucks. Plain and simple. It turns good people into monsters. Perhaps he can quit again, perhaps not. You're sanity and your kids emotional health is what is important here. Get away asap. My thoughts and prayers are with you mlo.
We're here for ya.
This disease sucks. Plain and simple. It turns good people into monsters. Perhaps he can quit again, perhaps not. You're sanity and your kids emotional health is what is important here. Get away asap. My thoughts and prayers are with you mlo.
We're here for ya.
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